Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

People in my Life

Few things say more about a character of a man than the company he keeps.  The company I keep are some characters.  They are one’s steering committee in the platform called “life.”  Below are a few people who have been influential in my life:

  • My parents – My father is a staunch Republican and my mother is a stubborn Democrat.  They have both been equally influential in making me an independent.
  • My daughter Patricia – the inspiration in my running for President.  I don’t want her to have to think about being a celebrity sex-toy for a pedophile  Hollywood executive.
  • Grandma Oudda – The only person I know who can add shallots to a dessert and still make it tasty.  She also believe I could fly when nobody else did.  (I found out later that I could not fly, but it’s still nice to have someone believe in my abilities.)
  • Dave the homeless guy – Gave me valuable advice after college.  I keep his words like, “The people you’re trying to impress aren’t worth impressing” and “Don’t eat the yellow snow” in my heart.
  • Holli Foxxx – A stripper at the nudie bar I go to –  She has taught me discipline.  She has taught me that no matter how long I see her naked, I will never parlay that into a sexual tryst.

There have been others who have been an influence in my life. (And not all of them were good influences.)  I doubt that either Barack Obama or Mitt Romney have had the potpourri of people who have been an influence to them that I have had for me.

June 20, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, Personal Life, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Good Signs for Our Future

Campaigning and trying to help the homeless wasn’t as popular as I thought it would have been.  They were appreciative of the tips I gave them for strengthening their cardboard boxes.  They didn’t particularly care for heat vent cleaning tips.  I think this was only because it was hot outside.

One of the things I had discovered while walking through the streets of Yonkers, NY is how smart the children are there.  There were children five or six years old speaking to each other in fluent Spanish.  My Spanish is a bit rusty, but I think they confused me with someone who looks like me who was traveling through Yonkers recently.  His name was Maury Cohn.  Soon, the children were calling me “Maury Cohn.”

If children can learn to speak a foreign language fluently before they get out of Kindergarten, then there is no limit to what they can learn by the time they can graduate high school.  My education platform will help children learn what they need to know.

July 20, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, education, humor, issues, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments

Computer Shopping

I will be computer shopping over the weekend.  My old computer was destroyed on Tuesday due to an unfortunate mishap with Yoo-Hoo.  I was doing some work when Patricia came running in.  The Yoo-Hoo flew out of her handand landed on the computer tower.  I rushed to get paper towels, but I didn’t have any.  I couldn’t use a towel because they were all dirty and I didn’t want to get the computer dirty from a dirty towel.  I grabbed a roll of toilet paper and headed back to the computer.  It was too late.  The computer was sparking like a Macy’s fireworks display  and smoking like a Turkish bath house.

This is my neighbor’s computer.  He is letting me use it now, but he will be going away for two weeks and I won’t be able to use his computer.  Buying the computer won’t take long.  The hard part will be salvaging all of the information from my hard drive to the new hard drive.  I do not know what damage, if any, was done to the hard drive.

I will be campaigning in Yonkers, NY today and tomorrow.  I will be giving a number of speeches including a speech to the homeless giving them “Homeless Improvement” tips.  I will show them how to fortify their cardboard box homes as well as proper dusting techniques of heat grates so they can stay clean while staying warm.

July 17, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign | , , , , , , | Comments Off on Computer Shopping

Returning the Favor

In the past, I had pointed out ways that President Obama had stolen my campaign ideas and strategy.  I have decided to return the favor.  It seems that Obama stole his, “Yes we can” line from Bob the Builder.  I have decided to return the favor.  I will not use the “Yes we can” line because I am not so sure we can.  We haven’t yet.

I will greet people I meet campaigning with “What’s up, Doc.”  While Bob the Builder is popular with children, many Americans grew up watching Bugs Bunny.  Bugs also eats carrots, which would be good once I incorporate carrots into my health care plan.

When I speak to a group of lawyers, I could break out my Butthead quotebook and say, “You said, ‘Penal… huh-uh-huh…huh-uh-huh’.”  Lawyers and Butthead go great together (no offense, Beavis.)

I have been trying to look for a book called, “Mime over Matter: Marcel Marceau’s Book of Quotes.”  The book is not available near me.  I am sure Marceau had plenty to say before his untimely passing.

I’ll probably spend most of the day hanging out at the street corner with Dave the homeless guy.  The economy has hit him hard.  People aren’t throwing change at his face as much as they did when the recession started.  I am going to help him look for a job.

April 8, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, economy, health care, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Returning the Favor

I am Stumped

I had always assumed that people wanted to learn.  The things I thought people wanted to learn the most would be the tools people need to succeed in life.  I gave my education speech at the State University of New York (SUNY) at New Paltz, NY.  The people there were looking at me like I had a third eye.

The woman who spoke before me talked about boring stuff like standardized tests and other things that hinder learning the things children need to learn.  They gave her a warm ovation, and she wasn’t even a hottie.

I was doing well at first.  I brought home the point that children need tools to learn the everyday things needed to survive the modern world.  I gave a demonstration on how to write checks when the money won’t be in the account for a couple of days.  They started looking at me funny.  Then I gave advice on how to pass a drug screening test.  This is a much needed tool because if you can’t pass, you won’t be able to get a job.  I showed them how to roll a cigarette while driving.  The old woman in the front row looked at me like she saw a ghost.  I finished it up with a trick a supporter from Boulder, CO told me.  She taught me how to tinker with breath analyzer tests that measure alcohol.

My education plan would greatly diminish the homeless population.  While many homeless people have passed standardized tests, few have passed the tips that I demonstrated tonight.  If they were taught these tips before they were homeless, they wouldn’t be homeless now.

February 26, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, editorial, education, issues, satire | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Join WALNUT!

There are many groups whose function is to help the poor with things like food, shelter, and voting.  I volunteer for a group called WALNUT (We Americans Lending Naturally Underused Talents).  WALNUT helps people with limited potential reach their potential.

WALNUT helps people with their shopping budget.  We show them the cost-saving measures of Ramen Noodles, coupons, and using other people’s money.  WALNUT helps the homeless’s shelter needs by showing them what to look for in a cardboard box.  WALNUT helps taking the pressure of voting off of people by filling out an absentee ballot on their behalf.  The only thing they have to do is sign the ballot.

I strongly urge you join a WALNUT near you.  If you can’t find a WALNUT near you, you can start your own chapter.

October 14, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, change, election, issues, satire, Uncategorized | , , , , , | 3 Comments

   

%d bloggers like this: