Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Normalcy Postponed

I was hoping to return to what my life was before Hurricane Sandy came here.  The aftermath from Sandy included traffic problems, gas rationing, and sporadic phone service.  I was only in the dark for four hours but the restoration of power fried the motherboard in the computer I was using.  (My campaign manager’s backup laptop).

Not only did Hurricane Sandy and the gas rationing and long gas lines hamper my campaigning severely, it caused me to skip the Orgies for Abstinence as well as what was supposed to be the opening of a “Habitat for Hotties” complex in Point Pleasant Beach.

Then there was my vacation in Virginia and Thanksgiving at my parents’ home in Washington, DC.  I returned home Sunday night only to find an eviction notice on my door.  I found a place to rent and paid the security and deposit.  I was ready to move in yesterday only to find out that the people who were moving out hadn’t moved out.  They were going to move out today, but the snow has postponed it until tomorrow.

I am currently on my laptop working from my car parked in a McDonald’s parking lot.  My fingers are numb and the roads are slippery. The nearest hotel is on the other side of the mountain and my car  does not climb mountains very well when it’s snowing.  (Nor on bright sunny days.)  I hope to be able to move tomorrow.

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November 27, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Accessing the Damage

The 2012 election was a disaster.  Not just because Barack Obama won (it would have been a disaster if Mitt Romney, Gary Johnson, Jill Stein, Roseanne Barr, or Vermin Supreme won), it was a disaster because I did not win.  I received fewer votes than in 2008.  I couldn’t even win Saguache County, Colorado this time.

Much of my campaigning in the last month was hampered by my computer crapping out and by Hurricane Sandy.  And while the women at the nudie bar like me as a patron, I could not parlay that into them campaigning for me or for them getting out to vote.

The “Voter ID” laws also caused damage to my voting base.  Deceased people and zombies tend not to carry identification on their persons because they generally don’t need identification.Neither demographic drives so they don’t need to get a drivers’ licence.

My campaign’s exposure to the mainstream was also sorely lacking.  I received no television coverage other than the occasional apolitical tweet read on television.

My goal is to run another penniless campaign in 2016.  But if I can’t get any television exposure or trend on Twitter, then I will spend some money on the campaign.  There might even be a PayPal account for donations.  (I hate asking for money.)

There will be goals set soon and I will post them once I figure out how I am going to win in 2016.

November 7, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, media, Obama, Romney, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Post-Sandy Timeline

Few things scare me.  Hurricane Sandy scared me.  The last time I got as scared as Monday night was when I heard a rumor that Anne Murray was coming out with a new CD.  I lost power just before 8:00PM Monday night.  During that time, I heard three trees crash to the ground and a howling wind like I had never heard  before.  I regained power at 12:30AM, but the surge killed my old computer.  Below is a timeline of how the rest of my week went:

  • Tuesday – I had no phone service and no internet to watch Roku.  Cable TV was working, but only a few stations were up. (Two shopping networks, two Spanish networks, and WPIX.)
  • Wednesday – The rest of the networks came back online.  News was showing all of the flooding in Queens, Manhattan, and Long Island.  Finding a gas station that was opened and had gas was harder to find than a needle in a haystack.
  • Thursday – The news stations started showing footage from the Jersey Shore.  The “Habitat for Hotties” house I helped build in 2008 was demolished by Sandy.
  • Friday – Spent most of the day battling Montezuma’s Revenge.  I found out later in that there was a water advisory since Tuesday and that I was supposed to be boiling my drinking water.  I only mentioned it because Governor Chris Christie mentioned it during a hurricane recovery update.
  • Saturday (Today) – My computer finally arrived.  I am still trying to figure out Windows 8.  My last computer had Vista as the operating system.  Gas rationing is now in effect with “odd-even days” depending on the last number on the license plate.  I am odd.

I will not be participating in this year’s “Orgies for Abstinence due to the hotel it was to be held at needs the room for Sandy refugees from the coast.  I will instead be celebrating my election victory with close friends.

November 3, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Sandy Controversy

A lot of Hurricane Sandy doesn’t make sense, especially when compared to similar hurricanes that have gone up the Atlantic coastline in the past.  Here are a few reasons why I think Sandy is a manufactured storm created by the government:

  • Most hurricanes stay away from cold fronts.  Sandy is expected to make a head-on collision with a cold front currently in eastern Ohio.
  • The air temperature in the days before a hurricane is usually warmer than normal and the air is normally oppressively humid.  The temperature has been below normal for the last few days and the air isn’t very humid.
  • The unemployment rate in New Jersey is currently 9.8%.  The entire state is expected to be devastated by Sandy.  A lot of people will be needed with the cleanup and rebuilding.  A classic case of “Broken Windows Economics”.
  • Election Day is a week from Tuesday.  With all of these people getting jobs, the October jobs report to be released Friday morning will show an increase in employment (largely due to cleanup and restoration due to Sandy.)

Other “coincidences” include the hurricane making landfall during an astronomical high time.  There will be a prolonged saturation of rain and wind in an area that is already oversaturated by recent rains.  This will lead to downed trees and power lines, closed roads, and a prolonged period away from the nudie bar.

I’m not normally big on conspiracy theories, but I can’t help but think that this is president Obama’s “October Surprise” and that the Cinemafia was instrumental in helping Obama in a diabolical scheme to see that I do not get elected President.

October 28, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, cinemafia, commentary, economy, humor, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Preparing for Sandy

Hurricane Sandy is heading towards the northeast and is expected to hit here in northwestern New jersey on Monday with 4″-8″ of rain and winds up to 80 mph even this far away from the ocean.  Experts are predicting widespread flooding and blackouts.  I am not concerned.  I am optimistic because everyone named Sandy is nice.

  • Sandy Duncan – She played Peter Play in the Broadway musical “Peter Pan”.  One has to be nice to play Peter Pan.
  • Olivia Newton-John – She played “Sandy Olsson” in the movie “Grease” and “Grease 2”.  She was nice in Grease.  She made me want to get physical.
  • Sandy Koufax – He once said, ” Sure, nice guys can win — if they’re nice guys with a lot of talent.”  He had a lot of talent as a pitcher.
  • Sandy Claus – Gives presents to billions of children on Christmas Eve.  (But only if the child is nice.)

As I have demonstrated above, all Sandies are nice.  I am thinking of going camping Sunday and Monday as there will probably be few campers due to the upcoming “storm”.  If the storm was a bad storm it would have been named Shanna.  Shannas are mean.

 

October 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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