Taxing Day

Filing taxes is (for lack of a better word), taxing.  Despite of all the forms, it basically boils down to two things: 1) How much did you make? and 2) Send it in. (Please enclose an additional $29.95 processing fee.)  Then they get you because they want to know where you got the money for the processing fee and why it wasn’t included with income.

Paying taxes would feel less burdensome if we were getting our money’s worth.  The federal gas taxes are supposed to go for roads and bridges, yet 1/3 of our bridges fail safety codes.  The more we spend on education and health care, the dumber our children become and the sicker we get.  Somebody has to pay for the GSA’s lavish parties.

This is why I am a fiscal conservative.  I only spend money on things I really need (housing, food, water, clothes, auto expenses, nudie bars, etc.)  I will bring that fiscal conservatism to the White House.  I will no longer have taxpayers fund a study on the flow of ketchup or on the mating habits of gay Argentinian men.  Funding will be limited to the essentials of running government, military, social programs, and the National Vanna White Museum.  If somebody needs money for a study, they can raise the money with a cake sale or a magazine drive.

You can vote for Obama or Romney (two men known for spending money), you could vote for Ron Paul (Please don’t.)  You can vote for Roseanne Barr, Lee Wrights, or another third party candidate.  But the best vote would be a vote for Ahmnodt Heare.

Advertisement

Mega Millions

As of this writing, the Mega Millions jackpot for Friday March 30 is $640 million.  The amount is for people who choose the annuity option and are somehow able to get out of paying income tax.  I don’t normally play the lottery (though I play $500/week in scratch-off tickets because I want to help the schools), but this money could pay for a lot of presidential ad time.  A whole lot of presidential ad time.

I chose the cash option.  The jackpot for the cash option is $462 million.  After paying $161,700,000 in income tax, that will still leave $300,300,000 to play with.  Some people will say the winner should pay more in income tax.   However, I could see that someone who cut a check to the IRS for $161,700,000 say that he or she paid one’s fair share in taxes.

Not all of my money will go towards my campaign.  I would spend $200,000 for a house and $20,000 for a new car.  I would put aside $5 million so I can retire.  I would rent out a hotel in Las Vegas for the ultimate “Orgies for Abstinence” scheduled for two weeks from today.

I wish everybody playing Mega Millions tonight the best of luck.  Remember if you win that I am not accepting money for my campaign, but I would be unable to stop you for creating a SuperPAC that supports my campaign.