My Week in Review (Thus Far)

Like everything else in life, a presidential campaign has its ups and downs.  When it’s up, you want to stay up, and when it’s down, you want to get up and stay up.  When one is down, one can either wait for a break or create an opportunity.  I have chosen the latter and will explain why I am currently in Massachusetts despite not planning on being here later in this entry.

Sunday – Ames Iowa:  I was looking for a place to talk a little bit about politics while watching football.  I was a bit scared at first about the bar near my hotel.  I wanted to root for the Broncos, but the bar was decked out in black-and-gold and had a lot of football stuff.  I thought at first it was a Steelers’ bar until  I saw a bartender wearing a Tim Tebow jersey.  I saw a few patrons walk in wearing black and gold shirts, but they had “IOWA” on the chest with a hawkeye underneath.  It turns out that the University of Iowa’s football team and the Pittsburgh Steelers have the same colors and that Iowa adopted the Steelers’ colors in the 1970s to look more llike a championship.

Monday – I was in an antique store in Iowa City when a young woman came up to me asking for my autograph.  I happily obliged.  She looked disappointed.  I asked her what was wrong.  She said she thought I was running for President.  I told her I was running for President and gave her my web address.  She then said she thought I was Vermin Supreme.

Tuesday – I went to cemeteries, morgues, and libraries through Des Moines campaigning to the deceased.  I didn’t hear any objections from the cemeteries or libraries, but the morgue said I was getting in the way of autopsies.

Wednesday – Flew from Des Moines to Manchester, New Hampshire (via Chicago, Boston, and St.Louis).  Too tired to do anything by the time I got to Manchester at 11:30PM

Thursday – rented a car and drove to Dixville Notch.  I normally like it when I leave an impression on people and they remember me the next time I see them.  Most of the people didn’t remember me from my visit in 2010, but unfortunately, a few did.  Another person thought I was Vermin Supreme and wanted a pony.

It occurred to me that the South Carolina primary is next Saturday and not this Saturday.  I have also learned that they don’t allow write-in candidates in primaries.  And Manchester is not too far from Boston (or specifically, Foxboro).  I drove to Foxboro this morning looking for people who have tickets to tomorrow’s game between the Patriots and the Broncos.  I couldn’t find anybody with tickets.  (I don’t want tickets, I just wanted people to hold signs that can be shown on TV.)  I’m now at Logan Airport awaiting for my flight home.

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Campaign Schedule Set

I will be back on the campaign trail next week.  I will be going to Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.  My schedule will be such as the Republican candidates will be out of these states by the time I arrive.

Iowa (Sunday – Tuesday)  I will visit Des Moines, a few “costal” cities and some farms assuming I can get over my formidophobia (fear of scarecrows).  I will also dine (as I always do) in local “Mom-and-Pop” diners to get a pulse on Iowans.

New Hampshire (Wednesday – Friday)  The days will be spent walking through towns and talking with local business people.  I will also visit a cemetery and campaign to the deceased there.  The nights will been at ski lodges shooting the breeze with ski bunnies talking about everything from politics to the dangers Justin Bieber causes on American society.  I hope to visit the shore while I am in New Hampshire (There isn’t much coastline, but there is some).

South Carolina  (Saturday – Monday)  The trip starts with flying to Charlotte, NC.  The reason why I am flying there is because Saturday is South Carolina’s Primary day and I don’t want to run into Jon Huntsman if I don’t have to.

I will be making a pilgrimage to North Myrtle Beach on Sunday morning to check out the house Vanna White lived in as a child.  I will then try to find a meetup of Vanna White supremacists in the area.  Otherwise, it will be dining at any “Mom-and-Pop” restaurants that might be opened on a Sunday.  (Alternate plan is Waffle House)

I leave South Carolina Monday morning and hope to be home Monday afternoon.

No Need to Worry

Many of my supporters were disappointed with the results of the Iowa Straw Poll on Saturday.  I didn’t care about the results.  It did not bother me that I failed to get even one vote in the straw poll.  Here is why I was not disappointed:   1) I am not a Republican. 2) A real fiscal conservative would not waste $30 to vote in an election that doesn’t count.

Neither Mitt Romney nor Rick Perry participated in the straw poll, yet they are both continuing to get a ton of media coverage.  I am banking that I will get media coverage as soon as they realize I did not participate in the straw poll either.

Approval ratings is another reason why I continue to feel confident.  President Obama’s approval rating is only at 39%.  Congress’s approval rating is at a pathetic 17%.  (Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul are both currently in Congress.  Former members of Congress include Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Barack Obama.)  My approval ratings are currently at 67%.  It would have been at 100%, but my father didn’t like the way I washed the dishes Saturday night.

Don’t let the perceived negativity get to you.  It’s all good.  Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race, so there is one less obstacle between us and the White House.  It’s our time!

 

Change in Itinerary

I had been sick and did not get much work done today.  I am feeling better now, but as a precaution, I will leave for my vacation for Saturday instead of tomorrow.  Here is the revised schedule:

Friday – Home (was originally Cleveland)

Saturday – Cleveland (was originally Chicago)

Sunday – Chicago (was originally somewhere in Nebraska)

Monday – Des Moines (was originally in Fort Garland, CO)

Tuesday – Des Moines (was originally in Colorado Springs, CO)

Wednesday – Saguache, CO (was originally Saguache, CO)

The reason why I decided to stay an extra day in Iowa is because candidates are already there trying to establish themselves.  I will be doing two things:  establishing myself and disestablishing themselves.

I am feeling better now than I did most of the day, but I am tired.  I will be going to bed as soon as The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson is over.

The ABCs of a Presidential Campaign

Inspired* by reading Don Mills’ post on the “The Alphabet of Damned Young People Who Annoyed Me Today“, I have come up with the ABCs of a Presidential Campaign.

A is for Ahmnodt – The 45th President.
B is for Barack – The White House resident.
C is for Campaigning – From near and from far.
D is for Driving – To events in my car.
E is for Election – I hope you vote for me.
F is for Facebook – A page for you to see.
G is for Goodness – How I run my campaign.
H is for Hotels – Suitcase life’s a pain.
I is for Iowa – Where the caucus starts.
J is for Joker – Politicians break our hearts.
K is for Kids – Their futures are at stake.
L is for Losers – Like that moron Robert Blake
M is for Maverick – What else is there to say?
N is for November – 2012 Election Day.
O is for Olbermann – I’d like an interview.
P is for Politics – Zapping the soul from you.
Q is for Questions – Answering what is asked.
R is for Radio – Secrets of me unmasked.
S is for Sex – It goes with Politics.
T is for Timex – It takes a ton of licks.
U is for United – States of America (USA).
V is for Vanna – Whom I’d like to meet someday.
W is for Write-In – And writing in my name.
X is for Xenophobes – They want people to be the same.
Y is for Youth – The future is for them.
Z is for Zest – Of my supporters (Amen)

* – “Inspired” sounds better than “stealing”. I couldn’t think of what to write today.

Radio Show on April 12

I will be live from the campaign trail on Monday April 12 at 12:00PM Eastern.

Ahmnodt Heare will be live from Iowa discussing the campaign trail as well as well as health care, cap-and-trade, bailouts, and other issues on the minds of Americans. He will also take your phone calls at 1 (347) 945-7487.

Feel free to call in with any questions you may have.