Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Campaign Schedule Set

I will be back on the campaign trail next week.  I will be going to Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.  My schedule will be such as the Republican candidates will be out of these states by the time I arrive.

Iowa (Sunday – Tuesday)  I will visit Des Moines, a few “costal” cities and some farms assuming I can get over my formidophobia (fear of scarecrows).  I will also dine (as I always do) in local “Mom-and-Pop” diners to get a pulse on Iowans.

New Hampshire (Wednesday – Friday)  The days will be spent walking through towns and talking with local business people.  I will also visit a cemetery and campaign to the deceased there.  The nights will been at ski lodges shooting the breeze with ski bunnies talking about everything from politics to the dangers Justin Bieber causes on American society.  I hope to visit the shore while I am in New Hampshire (There isn’t much coastline, but there is some).

South Carolina  (Saturday – Monday)  The trip starts with flying to Charlotte, NC.  The reason why I am flying there is because Saturday is South Carolina’s Primary day and I don’t want to run into Jon Huntsman if I don’t have to.

I will be making a pilgrimage to North Myrtle Beach on Sunday morning to check out the house Vanna White lived in as a child.  I will then try to find a meetup of Vanna White supremacists in the area.  Otherwise, it will be dining at any “Mom-and-Pop” restaurants that might be opened on a Sunday.  (Alternate plan is Waffle House)

I leave South Carolina Monday morning and hope to be home Monday afternoon.

January 5, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, politics, Republicans, satire, Vanna White | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

How I View Other Candidates

I look at the candidates who are running for President and conclude that I must run for President.  People need a good choice.  This entry isn’t about me as much as how I see the other candidates and why I can’t vote for the other candidates.

Barack Obama (D) – Incumbent – When he was pushing “Hope and Change”, I was hoping for hope and change.  We didn’t get that, but we did get George W. Bush’s third term.

Mitt Romney (R) – The resident snake oil / used car salesman.  I’m waiting for him to say, “What will it take to get you to vote for me today?”

Newt Gingrich (R) – aka “The Newtered One” – The snake from which Romney gets his oil to sell.  Gingrich is like the weather in Cleveland:  If you don’t like his platform, wait five minutes.  And like the Cleveland weather, it probably won’t be better, but it will change.

Ron Paul – (R) – Actually a pretty good candidate for a Republican, but will be best known as the candidate whose exposure on TV was mostly about how he doesn’t get exposure on TV.

Michele Bachmann – (R) – A rather simple debate strategy: “Barack Obama has failed at _______.”  As a foster mother of over 20 children, I envision her as putting bad people in a “time-out corner” with that corner in the United States being in northeastern Maine in the winter.

Rick Santorum – (R) – A man of faith whose mission is to declare war on Syria and Iran in the name of the “Prince of Peace.”  I don’t think Jesus approves of all the wars.

Rick Perry – (R) – He is the weird uncle that always shows up at family functions.

Jon Huntsman – (R) – A reasonable man with a couple of good ideas and some hot daughters.  The type of candidate people say they want, but end up voting for people with bad ideas like Obama, Romney, and Gingrich.

Gary Johnson (R) – The 2012 version of Ron Paul in 2008.  A libertarian messenger who doesn’t get to debate often.

Buddy Roemer (R) – The family member who has been misowned by the rest of the family.

Wayne Allyn Root (L) – He is trying to Republicanize the Libertarian Party.  He is a morph of Mitt Romney the salesman and Michele Bachmann the debater.

R. Lee Wrights (L) – A libertarian candidate in the Libertarian Party.  He’d eat smarty-pants Gingrich for lunch in a debate based on the writings of Wrights I have read.  A good man, but his party tends to shoot itself in the foot when it comes to political strategy.

Cynthia McKinney (G?) – A former Democratic Congresswoman who is not afraid to take on the establishment.  Painted as a “whacko” because the establishment does not like people who challenge it.

Jimmy McMillan (RITDH) – Stalking on his political opponents quietly and waiting for his moment to pounce.  Reminded America that the rent is too damned high.

Ahmnodt Heare (I) – An average guy who is trying to take money out of politics by not accepting donations and not spending money on the campaign.

There is the tale of the tape.  Vote wisely for me.

December 11, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, change, commentary, economy, humor, issues, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire, voting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Me vs Them – Foreign Policy

There are only two candidates with any foreign policy experience.  One is President Obama.  He didn’t get his experience until he became President.  The other is Jon Huntsman.  He didn’t get his experience until Obama became President.  (He was the U.S. Ambassador to China.  He was appointed by President Obama.)

Foreign policy experience is highly overrated.  Otherwise guys like Tim Pawlenty, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Ahmnodt Heare wouldn’t be running for President.  While I haven’t an ounce of experience in foreign policy, it doesn’t mean I don’t know foreigners.  Below is what I know about foreigners:

  • Canadians do not like it when Americans refer to Canada as “almost a state.”  Canada is it’s own country.  They have their own leader, their own currency, and their own culture.  (Hockey, Tim Horton’s, and Poutine.)
  • Australians don’t like it when you complement them on their British accents.  Their accents are quite different than the British.  (Though it would be hard to type examples in a blog.)
  • Don’t go to a country and tell people that Americans are better than they are.  We are better, but rubbing their noses in it only makes them hostile.
As President, I will not send our country to war unless the situation is so severe, I’d be willing to fight on the front lines.  The odds of that happening is minimal because I am a wuss.  I don’t like fighting with a gun or getting blown up.  My fighting lately has been limited to “Knock-’em Sock-’em Robots.”
President Obama and most of the Republican candidates seem content with troops in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Libya.  Ron Paul is the only exception among the Republicans, but I don’t see him as one willing to fight on the front lines should the situation call for it.

This post is part of the “Me vs. Them” series.  Come back often to see the entire series.

May 23, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, foreign policy, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , , | 13 Comments

   

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