Weird Dream

I had a dream that I won the election and became President.  That’s not the weird part.  I won 454 of the 538 electoral votes. (I lost in New York and California.)  That’s not the weird part either.  The weird part was that I had absolutely no press coverage.  I wasn’t mentioned in any polls, there was no cheating on either my part or by any of my supporters.  The reactions by the election night hosts on the networks were from bewildered to outrage.  Below are some of the few reactions:

• CNN – Anderson Cooper kept mumbling, “Ahmnodt Heare” while looking like Wolf Blitzer just ripped a “Silent-but-Deadly.”
• MSNBC – Chris Matthews blew a gasket.  “Who the **** is Ahmnodt Heare?  How in the **** did he win?  Seriously, who is he?”
• Fox News chose not to mention my name.  They ran with “Obama Defeated” without mentioning who beat him.
• Current TV – Keith Olbermann said, “November 6, 2012 – Americans played ‘Oddball’ and hit the jackpot!”
• CBS News did have some ground reporters talking to people who voted for me.  They also had a countdown to December 21 on the bottom of the screen.
• NBC News managed to find out something about me.  Kelly O’Donnell was reading my platform to the audience.  Luke Russert alternated moments between agony and outright laughter.
• ABC News was looking to get President Obama’s reaction to his shocking loss.

My father called me and told me that TMZ was around his neighborhood looking for dirt on me.  TMZ does not want me to become president because a large part of their business is following and reporting on Cinemafia stars.

Twitter was abuzz with the election.  The leading trend the entire night was either “Ahmnodt Heare” or “Who is Ahmnodt Heare.”  Other keywords pertaining to my campaign included, “Cinemafia”, “Vanna White Supremacist”, and “Orgies for Abstinence.”

The more I look back at the dream, the more I can envision the entire dream happening as I recalled it.  The part most likely to happen is the mainstream media being left in the dark as to how I won.  I’ll probably end up having my first interview as President-Elect with Alex Jones.

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The ABCs of a Presidential Campaign

Inspired* by reading Don Mills’ post on the “The Alphabet of Damned Young People Who Annoyed Me Today“, I have come up with the ABCs of a Presidential Campaign.

A is for Ahmnodt – The 45th President.
B is for Barack – The White House resident.
C is for Campaigning – From near and from far.
D is for Driving – To events in my car.
E is for Election – I hope you vote for me.
F is for Facebook – A page for you to see.
G is for Goodness – How I run my campaign.
H is for Hotels – Suitcase life’s a pain.
I is for Iowa – Where the caucus starts.
J is for Joker – Politicians break our hearts.
K is for Kids – Their futures are at stake.
L is for Losers – Like that moron Robert Blake
M is for Maverick – What else is there to say?
N is for November – 2012 Election Day.
O is for Olbermann – I’d like an interview.
P is for Politics – Zapping the soul from you.
Q is for Questions – Answering what is asked.
R is for Radio – Secrets of me unmasked.
S is for Sex – It goes with Politics.
T is for Timex – It takes a ton of licks.
U is for United – States of America (USA).
V is for Vanna – Whom I’d like to meet someday.
W is for Write-In – And writing in my name.
X is for Xenophobes – They want people to be the same.
Y is for Youth – The future is for them.
Z is for Zest – Of my supporters (Amen)

* – “Inspired” sounds better than “stealing”. I couldn’t think of what to write today.

Write to the Media!

Nothing gives a campaign a boost more than media coverage.  Sarah Palin quit her job as governor but continues to get coverage because the media wants her to be president.  If Keith Olbermann didn’t want her to be president, then he wouldn’t talk about her all of the time.

Write a letter to the media and tell them you do not want Sarah Palin or Barack Obama as your president in 2012.  Tell them you want Ahmnodt Heare for President.

MSNBC

30 Rockefeller Plaza

New York, NY 10112

Tel 212-664-4444

Fax 212-664-4426

Still Under the Radar

I thought after thirteen months of campaigning, I would be able to go somewhere where people would recognize me.  Sadly, this is not the case.  I went to a crowded restaurant and nobody recognized me.  Imagine when these people find out they were in the presence of a candidate for President of the United States.  I was excited when I met 1992 Fallopian Party candidate Gilda Glickman.  Her politics were liberal.  That didn’t stop me from voting for her. To this day, Gilda Glickman was the only presidential candidate I ever met.

I thought there were special perks with running for president.  I was never asked if I wanted Secret Service protection.  While Obama and McCain were dining at $5,000/plate fundraisers, I was dining at Dollar Value Meal restaurants.  While they had major production crews on their campaigns, mine were a few videos thrown up on the Internet.  I am so anonymous, I haven’t been mentioned as a finalist in Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Person in the World” segment.

If you see me at a bar, feel free to buy me a drink.  I don’t want Secret Service Protection, fundraiser dinners, or fancy-schmancy production on my ads.  All I want is the occasional beer without paying for it.

This Could Get Me In Trouble

A MESSAGE FOR MY SUPPORTERS

I would like to start by saying “Thank you” for everybody who have supported the 2008 and the 2012 campaigns.  I appreciate the effort and the sacrifice you have given.  I have one favor to ask.  Please do not break any laws while showing support.

A supporter was arrested for vandalism after tagging this billboard in Akron, OH. http://www.txt2pic.com/

Please don’t write on somebody else’s property.  This includes unused billboards.  If you can’t resist writing on somebody else’s property, then at least take the time to spell correctly.

Bad spelling doesn’t just make me look bad, it makes you and all the supporters look bad.    I will never get that coveted interview with Norah O’Donnell if incidents like this keep happening.  I might end up making Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Persons in the World” segment.  It would kill my campaign if I was a worse person than “Bill-O the Clown.”

I just want to restate the thanks for all of my supporters and to keep up the good work.  We will overcome this incident and win in 2012!