Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Vote Absentee!

You’re looking at the title of this blog entry and wondering why the emphasis on voting absentee.  There a few very good reasons.

The first and most important reason is because voting is an important decision.  It is more important than the many scrumptious options on the Denny’s menu.  You are deciding who gets to ruin (or save – if you vote for me) your future.

The second reason is that most people vote after work.  It seems that everybody gets to the polls to vote seconds before you do so you end up wasting hours before voting.  All absentee voting involves is filling out the ballot and mailing it in.

The third reason is that there are many different voting machines and many of them don’t have any paper to show how you vote.  With an absentee ballot, you can make a copy or scan your ballot and you can show how you voted.

The fourth reason is that you can spend time campaigning for me (as long as you are at least 101 feet away from a polling place.  Campaigning any closer is illegal.  This is what I will be doing on Election Day.

The fifth (and second most important reason) is because spelling counts.  Because my campaign is a write-in campaign, my name has to be spelled correctly.  The only acceptable spelling is AHMNODT HEARE (A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters) (Horny Elephants Are Really Erotic).  They will frown on spelling errors like Ahmndot Herae, Amnott Heer, I’m Not Here, Mitt Romney, or Barack Obama.  Voting absentee from home means you can check the spelling before mailing it in.

Don’t forget to vote for Albee Thayer for vice-president.  Remembering Heare and Thayer is half the battle in voting.  The other half is remembering Ahmnodt and Albee and which first name matches with which last name.

On Tuesday (Monday is Labor Day), contact your county (parish for those of y’all in Louisiana) board of elections and request an absentee ballot.  It will save hours of waiting on Election Day.

August 31, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Albee, campaign, commentary, election, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, voting, write-in | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Relaxation

I am back from vacationing in Saguache County, Colorado.  I have always believed that one needs a few days to recuperate when returning from a vacation.  It’s not because the vacation itself wipes people out.  It’s because of the traveling back home.

It started with an almost two hour ride from Saguache to Colorado Springs.  That was followed by a 2 1/2 hour bus ride to Denver.  I think bus drivers are paid to drive through every neighborhood between Colorado Springs and Denver. The cab ride from the airport to the airport took 15 minutes.

It took forever to go through airport security.  I had problems taking my cast boot off for the airport screening.  I also had problems getting around with just one leg.  It was difficult looking for a place to put the boot back on my cast.

There was a huge rush for the airline to get the plane loaded.  I think that it is because they like to play a game called “Whoever Spends the Most Time on the Tarmac Wins!”  It took five minutes to load 205 people on the plane, but it took 90 minutes for the plane to leave the tarmac.  I think the pilot of my plane won the game.

I was soon at Newark Liberty Airport.  I headed to the luggage carousel to watch the luggage of the other 204 passengers go around before I saw my bags.  It was off to the parking lot.  I forgot where I parked my car.  I spent fifteen minutes hobbling around before I found it.  The “escape for Labor Day Weekend” traffic was all that was between the airport and my home.  an hour trip ended up taking up two and a half hours.

It will take at lease three days to recover from a day of traveling.  After a day like yesterday, I can use a vacation.

September 5, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Look at my Platform – National Holidays

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on national holidays.

I would observe Vanna White’s birthday as a national holiday, and not just because I am a Vanna White supremacist.

Some holidays do not make any sense.  We celebrate Columbus Day despite of the fact that he got lost trying to go to India and never landed on American soil.  Labor Day is a celebration of working, only we celebrate working by taking the day off.  Christmas is celebrated by going to parties with alcohol and other things Jesus would never do.  I think holidays should be relevant and make sense.  I propose the following holidays:

  • Vanna White Day – February 18 – Vanna White has been a cultural icon for over twenty years.  She has maintained grace and dignity while the world of entertainment has gone to Hell in a handbasket.  This holiday would replace President’s Day
  • Opening Day of the National Football League – First Sunday in September – I would get rid of the Kickoff on the Thursday before everybody else plays.  This holiday would replace Labor Day.
  • John Lennon Day – October 9 – Some people will criticize me for choosing John Lennon because he is not American.   Neither was Christopher Columbus nor Jesus, but we celebrate their birthdays.  I would rather celebrate the birthday of one of the best songwriters ever than a guy who got lost.  If people really wanted to celebrate the birthday of someone who got lost, my birthday is on July 11.

May 27, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, Platform | , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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