Problems Abroad

Ahmnodt Heare is currently campaigning in Paris.  He sent me a text message saying that his laptop is fried because the voltage converter he used for using his laptop in Europe is broken.  He can’t post blog entries or on Facebook because he doesn’t have a smartphone.  He says his phone is really rather dumb.

Ahmnodt was a bit lost when he first arrived in Paris.  The name of the new President of France, Francois Hollande, threw him off and he thought he was in the Netherlands.  Soon, he realized that more people were speaking French than during his last visit to Amsterdam.  He thought the “e” in “Hollande” was just a result of poor European spelling.

I called him at his hotel this morning.  He said that he was able to draw large crowds, but that there were some problems with translation.  People were baffled about the “Cinemafia” because there is no French equivalent.  He thinks they interpreted the word as “SinnerMafia”, which threw them off.

People also thought he was running for the President of France.  They had their election last month and Hollande beat former President Nicolas Sarkozy.  They were perplexed as to why an American candidate would campaign in Paris.  He explained that he was running for President of the Free World and was encouraging the French to write Hillary Clinton and demand that they be allowed to vote for Leader of the Free World.  They seemed to like that idea but didn’t seem willing to vote for an American as Leader of the Free World.

One Parisian walked up to him and said that they would consider voting for him as leader of the Free World if he had New York Red Bulls soccer player Theirry Henry as a running mate.   He said he already had a running mate (Thank you for remembering me, Ahmnodt) but there was an opening in the cabinet for Department of Health and Human Services now that Jack Kevorkian was deceased.

He will be spending the rest of the night in Paris before heading to Berlin tomorrow.  He said that he will now remember that Angela Merkel’s name is not “Andrea”.  It cost him in German popularity the last time.

Advertisement

Attention Non-Americans!

Americans like to think that the U.S. President is the leader of the “Free World.” In spite of this, non-Americans have no say in who gets to be the leader of the free world. I want to change that, but I will need your help. I need you and all of your friends (and most of your enemies) to mail a letter and a ballot to the U.S. Department of State. The letter should read something like this:

Dear Secretary Clinton:

I keep hearing that the President of the United States is the leader of the free world and that America champions democracy. And as a citizen of voting age living in the free world, I am enclosing my ballot for President and Vice-President of the United States.

Sincerely,

This will be what your ballot looks like:

President: Ahmnodt Heare – Independent

Vice President: Albee Thayer – Independent

And the address to mail the letter and the ballot:

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

U.S. Department of State

2201 C Street NW

Washington, DC 20520, U.S.A.

You can also send the letter to any U.S. Embassy.  But please don’t sent them to Embassy Suites.  While their headquarters are based in the United States, they are not affiliated with the United States government.

The Next Debate #gopdebate

I am pleased to announce that I have been invited to the next debate.  Though there hasn’t been any mentioning of the debate on the news yet, it will be held on August 23, 2011 (A week from Tuesday) in Manchester, UK.  All of the other candidates have been invited.  If you plan to attend the debate live, I should note that the rime of the debate in Manchester will be Wednesday at 1:00AM.  This is to allow Americans to see the debate live on TV.  No TV station has announced that they will air the debate yet, but I am sure someone will between now and then.

The reason why this debate will be held outside the United States is because Britons want to hear for themselves what the next leader of the Free World stands on the issues that affect them.  I also understand that the British want to know what the candidates plan to do to allow Brits to vote for the leader of the Free World.

I am looking forward to the debate and feel confident I can win the Free World over.  As the great American philosopher Pat Benetar said, “Hit me with your best shot!  Fire away!”

 

Word Gets Around

A Chinese protester was recently beaten and detained for a sign he displayed at a rally. While this isn’t a problem in most countries, suggesting a write-in candidate for Premier is a crime in China.

The sign says “Ahmnodt Heare for Premier.”  I do not know how the Chinese found out about me or my campaign, but I am deeply flattered.  The problem is that China is not part of the free world.  I am running for President of the United States.  The President of the United States is the Leader of the Free World.  While I have tried to allow votes from other free countries to vote for the Leader of the Free World, China is not part of the free world.

I am hoping China becomes free soon because they have a ton of electoral votes and the enthusiasm some people have for my campaign would give me a much needed boost.

Obama the Campaigning Thief

President Obama reads my blog on a regular basis and has been reading my blog since I have been blogging.  Since then he and other prominent politicians have been stealing various portions of my campaign strategy.  While it is flattering that people like to copy me, everybody knows that the original is always better than a cheap imitation.

President Obama gave a speech at the Copenhagen Climate Summit.  He sounded presidential giving a speech to other world leaders.  He sounded like he wanted to be the “leader of the free world.”  He must have gotten that idea from me.  I even allowed people to vote for “Leader of the Free World“.  You can still cast your vote at the poll.

It is time for the President to come up with his own ideas… then again, he came up with “Cash for Clunkers”.

I Do Not Understand Europeans

I have made a couple of trips to Europe over the last year and a half.  The primary purpose of these trips was to campaign.  While Europeans are not currently allowed to vote for the President of the United States, I had introduced a plan to the Europeans that would have allowed them to vote for the President because they live in the free world and everybody in the free world should be entitled to vote for the leader of the free world.

There hasn’t been much excitement for my proposal in Europe.  The only execptions were the British around London.  I have since learned that most of that enthusiasium came from drunken Tottenham Hotspurs fans who needed some cheering up following yet another loss.  A few devoted people were willing to help out in Liechtenstein, but other than those occasions, there has been no care.

I haven’t heard from any of my European supporters since I came back from Europe in March.  I should go to Europe again soon and set things straight with those people.

Obama Steals my Campaign Strategy

As I am writing this blog entry, President Obama is in Strasbourg, France in a “town hall” meeting.  He is campaigning as leader of the free world.  The media is treating this as “news” and as something that is unprecedented.   This strategy is not new.  It was part of my campaign strategy in 2008.  I just came back from Europe last week.  While I did not get to visit France this time, I did get to speak to French nationals throughout Europe.

Although President Obama is campaigning throughout Europe, he seems to have no plan for Europeans to vote for the leader of the free world.  This is where I have one-upped him.  I am the only candidate who believes that everybody in the free world should be allowed to elect the leader of the free world.

I will give the President a little bit of advice.  When you are in a foreign country, listen to the people, don’t dictate your agenda.