Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A Message to My Fellow Americans

April 1, 2009

My Fellow Americans,

After much heart-wrenching soul searching, I, Ahmnodt Heare am withdrawing my name for consideration for President of the United States.  For my many supporters, I thank you for your support and I am sorry it has come to this.

I am not leaving because the odds that I get elected are small.  I am not leaving because the fight against the Cinemafia is not winable.  I am withdrawing myself from consideration to be the next President because of repeated death threats against my daughter and my parents.  I can deal with the death threats against me (152 since February, 2008) because I don’t have a life.

I am particularly distressed about an event that happened at a friend of Patricia’s birthday party.  She told me that her friend’s parents hung a donkey in effigy.  That is cruel enough in and of itself, but then they had children hitting the donkey with a broomstick.  The donkey could not handle the punishment and soon had its insides explode.  Patricia said the donkey must have eaten a lot of wrapped candy because it was still wrapped.  While I believe the donkey should have been punished for eating all the candy that was meant for the children, I do not believe that corporal punishment was necessary.  I would have just put the donkey in the time-out corner.

I would like to conclude this letter by saying to all my fellow Americans, “April Fool’s!”  It was a slow campaign day and I wasn’t invited to the G-20 conference.

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Independent Candidate for President

April 1, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, issues, satire | , , , , | 4 Comments

An Open Letter to Governor Patterson

Dear Governor Patterson,

My name is Ahmnodt Heare and I am interested in filling the senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton.  I don’t want you to go through the same trauma that Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is going through.  That is why I will not offer you any money or any favors for the seat.

I thank you for considering me for filling the vacancy.

Sincerely,
Ahmnodt Heare

December 15, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Democrats, issues, politics, satire | , , , , , | 5 Comments

An Open Letter to Stephen Colbert

April 2, 2008

Dear Mr. Colbert,

I am a big fan of your show.  I appreciate the good works you have done for our country and for spreading truthliness everywhere you go.  I have a huge favor to ask you.  I am in dire need of the “Colbert Bump!”

My campaign has hit a snag.  I am not doing well in polls I do not personally conduct.  I might be doing better if I was mentioned in the other polls.  I am having a lot of fun campaigning, but I want to win, not just have fun.

If elected president, I promise not to hold any press conferences during your show.  If America is in trouble, I will remind them to watch “The Colbert Report” to cheer them up until I give my press conference.

 Thank you for taking the time for reading this letter.  God bless Stephen Colbert and the United States of America!

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Candidate for President

April 2, 2008 Posted by | campaign, endorsement | , , , | Comments Off on An Open Letter to Stephen Colbert

   

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