Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

I Do Not Understand Europeans

I have made a couple of trips to Europe over the last year and a half.  The primary purpose of these trips was to campaign.  While Europeans are not currently allowed to vote for the President of the United States, I had introduced a plan to the Europeans that would have allowed them to vote for the President because they live in the free world and everybody in the free world should be entitled to vote for the leader of the free world.

There hasn’t been much excitement for my proposal in Europe.  The only execptions were the British around London.  I have since learned that most of that enthusiasium came from drunken Tottenham Hotspurs fans who needed some cheering up following yet another loss.  A few devoted people were willing to help out in Liechtenstein, but other than those occasions, there has been no care.

I haven’t heard from any of my European supporters since I came back from Europe in March.  I should go to Europe again soon and set things straight with those people.

July 22, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, election, humor, politics, satire | , , , , | Comments Off on I Do Not Understand Europeans

Things I Learned in Europe

Now that I am back from Europe and I have had some sleep under my belt, I will access the good and the bad from my recent campaign through Europe:

  • Stay focused on one thing – I was doing well when I did what the entire trip was supposed to be about.  It was supposed to be about getting signatures on a petition to allow non-Americans to vote for the leader of the free world.  (Especially for those living in the free world who are not allowed to vote for leader of the free world.)
  • If you are going to carry a sign in a language you don’t understand, then learn what the sign says before you hold it up for the world to see.  “Nur eine dumme Person Kampagne in Liechtenstein, um Präsident der Vereinigten Staaten.”  does not translate to “It takes a special person to campaign in Liechtenstein for President of the United States.”
  • Find out the cost of the subjects you wish to research before heading out to the locale to do the research.  If I had stuck with my original plan, I wouldn’t have to have bothered spending time researching prostitution on the nights I was lonely.
  • Know the issues that affect the people in the land you are campaigning in.  Although I succeeded with this in Liechtenstein with the Affordable Entertainment Awareness walk-a-thon, I missed the boat with questions about Northern Ireland while I was in Dublin.
  • Don’t let everybody know you’re an American.  This was hard for me, considering I went there to campaign for President of the United States.  This advice is for the Americans who plan on going to Europe who are not running for President.  Barack Obama’s visit to Germany last summer is the execption to the rule.
  • Don’t ask strangers where the nearest “Waffle House” is.  I thought I would have learned this from my trips to New York City.
  • And finally, don’t go to a sports bar in Europe and say that soccer is boring and that you want to watch the NCAA Tournament.  Soccer (or as they erroneously call it, “football”, is their sport of choice.)

Like President Obama did on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno”, I have made gaffes along the way.  When you campaign for a long time, you will occasionally make mistakes.  The secret is to learn from those mistakes.

March 22, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, foreign policy, issues, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Publicity Problems

It was 8:55AM and I was just about ready to walk from Schaanwald to Vaduz.  There was no media:  No television, no radio, no newspapers, nobody from the media.  There weren’t any people except for a young man named Rolf.  He was wearing a green military jacket, a green military t-shirt, and faded and shredded blue jeans.  He had a bone to pick with me.  He was wondering why I was doing this walk-a-thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness and not for allowing the good people of Liechtenstein tovote for the leader of the free world.

I explained to Rolf that my original intent was for what he wanted when I planned this trip.  However, a lady named Claudia from nearby Planken (in Liechtenstein, all the cities are nearby.  It is the Delaware of Europe.) had been following my blog for a while and she seemed irate about the cost of entertainment.  She did not seem overly concerned about being unable to vote for the leader of the free world.  So I decided to go with the Affordability Awareness campaign.

Rolf and I headed off to Vaduz.  He had handwritten a sign in German for me to carry.  The sign he had me carry said,

“Nur eine dumme Person Kampagne in Liechtenstein, um Präsident der Vereinigten Staaten.” 
He told me that it said, “It takes a special person to campaign in a country he doesn’t live in.”  I found out later it meant something different.
Rolf was filming the walk-a-thon on his camcorder while I was holding the sign.  He got plenty of closeups of just me and the sign.  People were honking their horns as they drove by.  It seemed like Claudia was wrong and Liechtensteiners wanted to vote for the leader of the free world. 
At about 2:00, I arrived in downtown Vaduz.  When the people in the streets of Vaduz saw the sign I was carrying, they started laughing.  I was puzzled that people in the rest of the country seemed to applaud my effort while they laughed at me here.
A supporter who spoke both German and English told me that the sign actually meant, “Only an idiot would campaign in Liechtenstein for the President of the United States.”  At first I was mad at Rolf, but I soon realized he was just misguided.  While it is true I am running for the President of the United States, I feel it is important that people in the free world should be able to vote for the leader of the free world.   It just happens that the leader of the free world is always American.

March 18, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, foreign policy, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Greetings from Liechtenstein!

It is 4:46AM and I cannot sleep.  I am currently in Schaanwald (at the border with Austria.  The walk-a-thon will start at 9AM and will go through the towns of Nendeln, Planken, and Schaad before arriving at Vaduz, the capital.  Vaduz is near the border with Switzerland.  There will be a rally at Rheinpark Stadon and cookies will be served.

The cross-country trip is approximately 7 miles.  People here are outraged at the price of entertainment.  Because Euros are used here, it only makes it more expensive.  They were having similar infiltration of “entertainers” Ace of Base invading from Sweden in the 1990s, and they feel our pain with Anne Murray and William Shattner being in our country.  For some reason, they seem to like Celine Dion, but I digress.

Soon after the rally, I will fly to Amsterdam.  I was hoping to spend more time here, but I have been informed that in addition to the prostitution, I should analyze a couple of the hashish establishments.  They told me I should a lot of time for analyzing the hashish houses and the brothels before coming up with a policy.  My luck must be pretty good because some of the prostitutes I will be analyzing will be staying at the same hotel I am staying.

March 17, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, foreign policy, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , , | Comments Off on Greetings from Liechtenstein!

Campaigning in Europe

I will be campaigning in Europe next week.  Below is the schedule:

Monday 3/16 – London:  I will once again go to the U.S. Embassy and hold a rally for Britons to be allowed to vote for the leader of the free world.

Tuesday 3/17 – Dublin: No real campaigning, just partying with the Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.  This is also my daughter Patricia’s birthday.  I am saddened that I am unable to play quarters with her for her birthday. She will turn 6.

Wednesday 3/18 – Liechtenstein:  Cross-country walk-a-thon promoting affordable entertainment to Liechtensteiners.  Unlike the United States, Liechtenstein can be walked across in less than a month.

Thursday 3/19 – Amsterdam:  I will deeply examine their prostitution system and develop a strategy to develop a similar system in the United States.

Friday 3/20 – Stockholm:  Spring Training Camp with the Swedish Bikini Team.  I’m working on a political spin for this.  If you know one, please let me know.

Saturday 3/21 – Back to the United States.

March 8, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, foreign policy, issues, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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