2011 – The Debacle (October-December)

“Oops!”

Not much happened in October as I was recovering from my campaign hiatus.

November:  My prediction that Justin Bieber is a Canadian spy was proven to be correct.  I went on to discuss his mission in the United States.  I explained the politics of the media and of food.  I explained the life of the citizen and how I plan to help (as I am also a citizen).

December:  One learning experience after another.  I learned not to wash the toaster in the bathtub while it is plugged in.  Another lesson was that I don’t always express myself clearly enough.  I also exposed more dirt on the Cinemafia.  Trial and error sessions with my new video show.

 

Tomorrow I will make my predictions for 2012.

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Life of a Citizen

This lively pet hamster will keep you company throughout the day. Watch him run on his wheel, drink water, and eat the food you feed him by clicking your mouse. Click the center of the wheel to make him get back on it.

You are the hamster.  You run around in circles all day.  The government is your computer mouse.  It will drop food you you and allow you to have some time to eat and drink.  It will then click the center of the wheel to remind you to be a good little citizen and run around in circles some more.

If I was president, I would let you roam in a field free of predators and eat grass and wander wherever you want.  No more droppings from the sky called “lunch.”  You eat when you want, run when and where you want, and drink when you want.  It’s your life.

Please vote for me on November 6, 2012.  Thank you for your support.

One Group I Avoid

I believe in trying to reach as many demographics as possible.  This include groups that none of the other candidates are reaching out to.  There is a group of people that I do not reach out to.  It’s not because the group is not an important demographic to reach out to.  It is because the group is so into Mitt Romney that he looks like he belongs in the group.

Mitt Romney before speaking to the demographic that best defines him.

I am not against campaigning to vampires.  I have had discussions with vampires as individuals.  The problem with campaigning to vampires as a group is that no candidate better defines a demographic than Mitt Romney defines the vampire demographic.  Romney sucks the life out of people much like vampires suck the blood (and thus the life) out of people.

One common misconception is that when someone dies and becomes undead, they automatically become zombies.  This is not true.  If it was true, there would be no need to write this post.  If someone has the blood sucked out of him or her, then he or she becomes a vampire and not a zombie.

Whether you support me or any other candidate not named Mitt Romney, it is important that you keep the following items with you if you don’t want to die and vote for Mitt Romney:

• Garlic Clove
• Crucifix
• Stake (or is it Steak?)
• Debbie Boone music

These items will keep vampires away from you and will keep your voting interest intact.  (Even if you don’t want to vote and just want to live.)  I wouldn’t break out the Debbie Boone music unless an attack by a vampire is imminent.

So Much

What a week it has been!

I had a busy week with hard deadlines.  My daughter was in the hospital when she and her mother was in an accident.  (Her mother is still in the hospital in serious condition.  My computer hard drive crashed and my DVR crapped out on me.  I lost all of last week’s episodes of “Wheel of Fortune” as well as the first two this week.

All of these distractions have thwarted my fight against the Cinemafia.  People are starting to go to movies again and this needs to stop.  I’m back on it and they will soon be shaking in their boots again.

I’m in Washington DC watching Patricia while her mother is in the hospital.   I am renting a computer for my business so I can keep the business going and watch the latest porn news.   I should be fully functioning again tomorrow.

Inspired By My Supporters

I have been a bit sluggish the last few weeks (more mentally than physically) due to dealing with stuff I shouldn’t have to deal with.  Yesterday was the last straw.  I am no longer putting up with stuff I shouldn’t.

I have set up some guidelines for myself because I want to be assertive when I have to be, but I don’t want to come off looking like a prick.  Here are the guidelines:

1)Know what can de done and what can’t:  I can’t prevent it from snowing, but I can pay somebody to clear my driveway and shovel out my car.  Sometimes the roads are too bad for the help to come immediately.  Being “green” and removing snow by “letting the sun melt it” is not an acceptable excuse.

2)Find if the person you are dealing with is having a bad day or if he or she is just an incompetent twit.  This can usually be done by observation.  If the person’s eyes are red and glazed, it’s usually the latter.

I was so inspired by the comments people were giving me for yesterday’s posting, that it has inspired me to make a poster.  Feel free to print out the poster and hang it up in your bedroom, cubicle, locker, or jail cell.

Done! Now!

Can’t Recover on “Recovery Day”

Yesterday was my birthday, but that is the least of the things I need to recover from.  I also need to recover from everything else that happened yesterday.

Breakfast:  Patricia wanted to make me breakfast.  I thought it was a good idea because I thought one of my parents was going to be in the kitchen helping her.  She decided to make pancakes and thought to make me one big pancake instead of a bunch of regular-sized pancakes.  She couldn’t find a way to flip the pancake because it took the entire frying pan.

Swimming:  We went swimming at the community pool.  I was in the pool with Patricia as she was swimming along the side of the pool.  A boy jumped in the pool without looking and his knee hit Patricia in the back.  I rushed her out of the pool.  She has a bruise on her back, but is otherwise fine.

Lunch:  We went to a local diner.  It was a bit busier than I would have like it, but diners are busy on Sunday afternoons.  My father ordered one scrambled egg, whole wheat toast, and a small tomato juice.  At least they got the toast correct.  He was also given two fried eggs and a large orange juice.  My father snapped like I hadn’t seen since I crashed his new Oldsmobile Cutlass into a telephone pole.  The owner of the diner was as fiery as my father and after a couple minutes we were thrown out of the diner.

My father was still in an extremely sour mood when it was time for my parents and Patricia to leave.  I did not feel comfortable letting my daughter ride while my father was irate so I summoned my mother to calm enough to have him calm enough to drive.  Keeping Patricia was the best decision under the circumstances.  Her mother was unhappy but understanding, and bringing her home on Wednesday works for both of us.

Bedtime:  Patricia is normally the sweetest child, but not last night.  she gets like my father was acting when she is tired but wants to stay up.  I thought she was never going to stop pouting and stomping her feet.  It was almost midnight before I was able to get her to bed.  Five hours later, I started my workday.

Live from DC

I arrived at my parents’ house in DC about 10 minutes ago.  This is going to be a busy weekend.  There are some work-related things I have to do and a lot of personal stuff to take care of.

It didn’t take long for me to receive bad news.  Patricia has to go to summer school if she wants to go to second grade next school year.  This threw me for a loop because neither Patricia nor her mother told me she was having problems in school.

When I went to pick up Patricia, neither her nor her mother were home.  I took a quick peek inside and noticed nothing was packed.  They were supposed to move in with me when I head back home on Sunday.

I heard that Stephen Strasburg was pitching tonight and I wanted to give my father an early Father’s Day present by getting tickets for the Nationals’ game against the Chicago White Sox.  The only problem was the game was sold out and I didn’t want to pay scalpers’ rates for a ticket that might be counterfeit.  This happened to me when I lived in North Carolina and paid $200 for a $5o ticket when the Redskins played in Charlotte.  The tickets turned out to be counterfeit and could not attend the game.

I’ll pick up something for my father tomorrow.  Probably some Redskins paraphernalia.  It’s been a long day and I still have some things to do before heading to bed.