Tweet Number 6000 #ForSale

Tweets, Following, and Followers accurate as of 8/30/2012 at 7:25PM EDT. Your mileage may vary.

Here is your chance to get some publicity for your business. Here is how this will work:

1. Submit your bid to ahmnodtheare@politician.com as soon as possible.  Bid should include amount as a phone number to call should you are the winner.  Billing will be discussed by phone.
2. Contest will end when I reach my 5,990 tweet.
3.  If you win, you will be allowed to submit a tweet up to 134 characters.  Six spaces will be reserved for ” #6000″ so others will know it is my 6000th tweet.
4. My 5999th tweet will announce the winning bid as well as the day and time the winner wishes the tweet to be released.
5. I will use your company’s logo as my profile background from when I tweet my 5999th tweet until seven days after I release my 6000th tweet.
6. Void where prohibited.  (I don’t know where it’s prohibited, but I threw in the disclaimer to make this look legitimate.)

All bids will be kept secret.  A complete list of bids will be available to anyone who wishes to see it when the winner is announced.  Good luck to one and all!

Advertisement

Back in the Saddle Again

I was hoping today’s blog entry was going to be which candidate for President I was going to endorse in the 2012 election.  But a few things happened to me since I announced I was no longer actively campaigning for President:

• Vice-Presidential candidate Albee Thayer has filed a lawsuit against me.  He has bought $10,000 worth of custom-wrapped condoms for the campaign.  The condom wrapper reads: “Heare and Thayer – For Your Protection.”  He had been handing some out at local nudie bars and brothels.
• My campaign manager won’t get out of my hair.  I thought by not running that my campaign manager would find something to do with his time.  But he keeps coming over because he says he is bored out of his mind.
• My daughter has had her classmates pick on her since I made my decision.  She was so upset that she went to a movie this weekend knowing how I feel about the movie industry.  Her mother said she has also been listening to Justin Bieber songs on the internet.
• My Domina was so angry with me that she ignored the safe word this weekend.
• I couldn’t help but think about Dave the homeless guy in North Carolina.  I did not want to run in 2008, but Dave was insistent that I run.  He said that America needed me to be President more than I didn’t want to be President and it was a higher calling.  (Even higher than he was that day.)

After giving it much thought and discussions with those above I mentioned, I have decided to resume my campaign as soon as my back heels from the weekend’s activities.

An Addendum to my Education Policy

I was inspired to add to my education policy after reading the latest installment of Just Making Convo.  Fellow blogger Bea Schooled unfairly received an “F” on her viral marketing project.  Anybody who is into marketing for a living who has seen Bea’s excellent work knows that she is destined for greatness.  Her “While You’re Down There” campaign is catchy and reaches along a wide array of products and services.  Her teacher failed to see this.

The reason why her teacher failed to see Bea’s brilliance was obvious to me:  The teacher did not have a talent to get a real marketing job.  Insert, “Those who can’t, teach” here.  The problem with America’s colleges is that the colleges are full of professors who have teaching jobs because they couldn’t get a real job in the business world.

I find this to be unacceptable.  Professors should be experienced in their fields.  Not only should they be experienced, but they should be the best in their field.  The world is more than what is described in textbooks and thesis papers.  It is the experiences one can only learn from people who have fought the battles and won.

My plan is simple:  Get the best people to teach the courses needed in the business world.  Get the CEOs who know how to lay off workers to raise the value of their company’s stock.  Get the people who planned the “New Coke” marketing plan in the 1980s.  It might not have created the sales they liked, but people still talk about it in marketing circles.  Let Bernie Madoff teach investment students how to start their own ponzi scheme social security system investment firm.

Replacing those who can’t with those who can is not enough We need our professors to be those who have.

The Days Ahead

This is a slow week for my business, but starting next week, I will be busy for the next two months.  The Christmas strategies I have set up for my clients are in the implementation stage.  Basically, the week will comprise of spending 30-40 minutes a day looking at data and not much else.  The first Monday in December is when my clients start looking for a new campaign for the new year.  The first week in January is when I start picking up new clients as they are looking for a new marketing plan and get better results.

My work day started at 8:30AM and ended at 9:10.  It will be like that the rest of the week,  This will give me a lot of time to campaign.  It starts tonight as I go to Kiryas Joel, NY for the lighting of the town’s menorah celebrating the start of Hanukkah.  I will campaign there until 7:30 before heading home and setting up for tonight’s podcast at 9:00PM Eastern.

Tomorrow will be spent at the morgue as I campaign to those who have recently deceased as many of them are still registered to vote and will remained registered if they vote in 2012,  The night will be spent going to neighborhood bars campaigning to drunks before they pass out.

Thursday will be spent at gas stations touting my energy plan.  Gas prices have spiraled upward in recent weeks and I want to put a stop to it.  I will also go to Rahway State Prison and campaign on death row.  (As soon as they are executed, they will be dead and be able to vote,)

I will not campaign during the day on Friday as I will have to spend some time Christmas shopping.  I think I will buy bschooled some tampons so she can make some of her critically acclaimed tampon sculptures.  Friday night will be spent in town.  I will campaign as the town’s Christmas tree is lit during an otherwise boring ceremony.

I will be quite busy even though I will not be working.

Changing my Name

I am thinking about changing my last name.  People change their names all the time to get themselves noticed.  Few people know who Jay Scott Greenspan, Jennifer Anastassakis, or Krishna Bhanji are, but we all know know who Jason Alexander, Jennifer Aniston, and Ben Kingsley are.

More recently, The Cincinnati Bengals’ Chad Johnson changed his name to Chad Ochocinco.  Ochocinco comes from the “85” in his jersey number.  “Ocho” is “Eight” and “Cinco” is “Five”.  Nobody confuses Chad Johnson of the Bengals with Chad Johnson, the goalie for the Hartford Wolfpack (The New York Rangers’ minor league affiliate) anymore.  The name change has worked out quite well for him.

My name change will be similar to Chad Ochocinco’s.  My first name will still be Ahmnodt.  I am named after the great Bulgarian sculptor Ahmnodt Fukinov, who recently passed away.  Neither of my parents would approve my changing my first name.  The change will be my last name.  I am thinking of changing my last name to Ahmnodt Cuatrocinco.  “Cuatro” is “four” and “cinco” is “five.”  “Forty-five” represents my being the forty-fifth President of the United States.

The name changes has it advantages, but it also has a few disadvantages:

• Coming up with a catchy acronym for “Cuatrocinco” that people will remember to learn how to spell my last name.  I might as well write a book and try to recite it.
• My daughter Patricia gets teased enough from kids whose mother and father are married and have the same last name.  I never married her mother, but Patricia has my last name.
• “Ahmnodt Cuatrocinco for America.  Ahmnodt Cuatrocinco for You.” doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Ahmnodt Heare for America.  Ahmnodt Heare for You.” does.

Should I change it or leave my name as it is?  Please leave a comment with your opinion.  I will weigh all opinions carefully before making a decision.  Thank you for your help in this matter.

Getting it From All Over

I promised Hector from Buffalo that I would discuss further into his predicament over the rising cost and decreased quantity of rolling tobacco.  I did some research and came up with some interesting results:

The practice of decreasing quantity of a product started in the 1980s.  Inflation was a killer in the late 1970s and early 1980s.  People were moaning loudly about prices rising all of the time.  A few companies figured they would decrease the quantity of their products instead of raising their prices.  Cereal boxes were known for this practice.  Cereals that used to come in 1 lb. boxes.  They were soon appearing in 14.5 oz. boxes.  (They kept the boxes them size the same size in volume to make it appear that nothing has changed.)

Hector’s situation is a bit more severe.   There were two items being decreased (rolling paper by 20% and tobacco by 13%) and prices went up from $1.99 for 40 papers and .75oz of tobacco to $5.39 for 32 papers and .65oz of tobacco.  This means he has gone from $0.04975 for a .0373oz cigarette to paying $0.1684375 for a 0.0203125 cigarette.  This is paying more than triple for a smaller cigarette.

I could not find any phone numbers or e-mails for any of the roll-your-own tobacco companies.  I did find an address so I wrote a letter to whom it may concern.  I will post the letter and the reply as soon as I get a reply.

Capitals Eliminated and Contrasting Them to Me

Last night’s game between the Capitals and the Montreal Canadiens was the most painful experience since “Small Wonder” was cancelled.  The Capitals had the best record in hockey with a 54-15-13 record and 121 points.  They had home ice advantage throughout the playoffs.  They blew it.  Big time.

The Capitals and I contrast in many ways even though they have been my favorite team since seeing them play in Landover, MD as a child.

• The Capitals have an overabundance of talent.  My campaign is basically limited to my talent.
• They have had a ton to television exposure.  I’ve had a few hundred hits on YouTube
• They were picked by many hockey pundits to win it all.  I have yet to be mentioned by the political pundits.
• The Capitals have made a lot of money marketing the way they market.  I have saved a lot of money marketing the way I have.

There is something the Capitals and I have in common:  We will both be golfing tomorrow.

Lesson learned for the day:  You can have all the tools and end up with nothing or you can have none of the tools and end up with everything.