Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Allegations Confronted

The pressure is on the Obama and Romney campaigns.  They and their supporters have stopped at nothing to try to smear my campaign. Below are the allegations followed by the truth:

  • Ahmnodt Heare has been using performance-enhancing drugs – This is utterly false.  Polls from Reuters, Fox News, NBC, CBS, NY Times, The Onion, Wall Street Journal, and others both show Obama and Romney with substantial leads over everybody else.  I am not even mentioned in these polls.  If I was using these drugs, I would at least appear as a blip in the polls.
  • Ahmnodt Heare plans to buy a majority share in Diebold – If I had that kind of money, I would have spent it on ads and election officials.  Diebold is a multi-billion dollar company who does not accept Marlboro Miles as currency.
  • Ahmnodt Heare is planning an “October Surprise” – Well, duh!  Every campaign has an October surprise or two that they will use late in October to try to cripple opponents.  I will release mine on October 30.  (If I remember.)
  • Ahmnodt Heare has been registering dead people to vote – What I have done is not registering dead people to vote.  What I have been doing is getting dead people to get themselves to register to vote.   Many of the recently deceased are already registered to vote and now need only to show up to vote.

I will address other allegations as they develop.  (Except for the embarrassing moment I had with a mannequin in the dressing room at Kohl’s. – I dismiss that as a “youthful indiscretion” as I was younger last weekend than I am now.)

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August 25, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Allegations Confronted

Save the Store!

I was saddened to hear that my good friend Ram Venkatararam has lost his store.  It appears that people weren’t buying his vintage dairy products or the pre-owned condoms and tampons.  I think the reasons are twofold:  The first is that people didn’t know there was a market for those products.  The second was the store never recovered from the losses that occured when Raj worked there.

We can help.  Money, while often helpful, can be a bad thing here since people around the world would want to help, the problem with exchange rates and fees hurt too much.  I suggest instead, that we use the universal currency: Marlboro Miles.  Gather all the Marlboro Miles you can and mail them to:

Ram Venkatararam

c/o Toronto Public Library

Toronto, ON, Canada

February 23, 2009 Posted by | Bailout, economy, editorial, issues, satire | , , , | Comments Off on Save the Store!

   

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