Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Weekend Itinerary

It’s back to the campaign trail this weekend.  I will be along the western banks of the Hudson River speaking to various groups:

Saturday

12:00PM – Highland Falls, NY – I will be speaking to a senior citizen group called “SAWAC” (Seniors for Access to Whips And Chains).  I will be addressing this active senior group plans to make the equipment they need more easily accessible.  The speech will be short so I don’t hold them up for their daily naps.

1:30PM – West Haverstraw, NY – I will organize a speech in front of the motor vehicles office explaining my motor vehicle department plan.

3:00PM – Nyack, NY – I will wonder aimlessly through the streets of Nyack and hopefully figure out what the hell they are thinking about.  I hope this won’t take too long.

4:30PM – NY/NJ border on U.S. 9W – I will try to bring peace to the border after a tough NHL Eastern Conference final.  Rangers fans and Devils fans were in each others’ faces and has made life difficult for those of us who think both teams suck.  (LET’S GO CAPS!!!)  By Caps, I mean the Washington Capitals, not typing in all caps.  I only typed in caps because I always yell when I say that.

6:00PM – Fort Lee, NJ – I will be at the western end of the George Washington Bridge discouraging people from jumping.  I won’t mention my campaign to anybody who is thinking about jumping until they are convinced that jumping off the bridge is not the answer and the meds they will probably have to take start kicking in.

8:00PM – Hoboken, NJ – My last stop tomorrow will involve a seance with fellow Hobokeners and trying to summon the spirit of Hoboken’s favorite son, Frank Sinatra.  I am confident he will endorse my campaign posthumously.

Sunday I will be hitting the Wal-Marts in Franklin and Newton, NJ – Monroe and Middletown, NY – Milford, Honesdale, and Dickson City, PA.  I will be showing my appreciation to Wal-Mart associates who keep prices low for working for less.  Workers who smoke will be given a cigarette as a token of my appreciation.

I’ll be going to bed soon because I have a long weekend ahead.

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June 1, 2012 Posted by | campaign, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Back at It

I’ll be returning to the swing of things tomorrow.   The vacation was both relaxing and healing.  I even found time to campaign in Matamoras, PA and New Paltz, NY.  I have been to New Paltz before.  The locals said “Oh no this guy again!” “Welcome back!”  People are pleasantly surprised that a presidential candidate is offering solutions that don’t screw the people.  People smile when they heard me.  In fact, if my hearing was better, I could have sworn they enjoyed what I had to say so much, their joy was a laughter.

Vacation was relaxing.  My hamstring feels much better.  I find fishing more relaxing when I don;t put anything on the hook.  I don’t have to fight the fish as I am reeling it in because fish won’t bite a bare hook.  There are no worries about the fish was big enough to keep or if I had to bring it back.  And because I didn;t have any fish biting, I was able to drink the six-pack uninterrupted.

There wasn’t much to do Friday night in the town I was staying in, so I didn’t do anything.  There wasn’t much to do Saturday afternoon either so I worked on my tan.  Although I was laying down the entire time, I worked on my tan too hard and got burnt.

The town was happening Saturday night.  First there was the spaghetti dinner at the volunteer fire house.  It seemed like the entire town was there.  My brain froze because I had no plans for fire houses.  (I still don’t, but I am working on it.  This is important to me because the spaghetti dinner wasn’t like mama used to make.)

I asked the gentleman I was eating next to what people in town do on a Saturday night.  He said most people just stay home but some people hang out at the gas station.  We went to the gas station.  It was one of those gas stations with a convenience store.  There wasn’t much to do there but shoot the breeze.  A man named Dave seemed to shoot the breeze with an Uzi.  He had some stories to tell about the time he ran for governor in 2006.  He told me a lot that I could learn if I could remember.  There was a lot of information so I bought a notebook and a pack of pens.  I wrote everything down, but left the notebook at the store.  The notebook was gone when I came back the following morning.

Sunday was a good day.  I went to a local church near where I was staying.  The church had a pot luck lunch after service.  They had spaghetti (I think it was leftovers from the firehouse, but I wasn’t sure.)  I was about to leave when a woman brought out a pot of Strawberry Stroganoff.  Not just any Strawberry Stroganoff, Grandma Oudda’s recipe.  I asked her where she got the recipe.  She said she got it from this blog.  I would like to thank Janet or Debbie (I forgot her name) for reading this blog and for making my weekend.

July 12, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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