Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

2012 NFL Season – Week 15

Last Week:8-8(.500) Best Bets: 1-2 (.333)
Season to Date: 95-111-2 (.462) Best Bets: 22-19-1 (.536)

If you believe the Mayans, then this is the last week of football ever.  I would have to pick every game correctly this week to get back to .500.

Non-football note:  The first five people who send me their address in a PM on my Facebook account will get a snail-mail Christmas card mailed to their houses.  (You don’t have to be my Facebook friend to do this, though feel free to send a request.) Click the “Message” button on the page.  They will be mailed out Saturday morning.

Now back to football!

Date & Time Favorite Spread Underdog
12/13 8:25 ET Cincinnati -5 At Philadelphia
12/16 1:00 ET Green Bay -3 At Chicago
12/16 1:00 ET At Atlanta -1.5 NY Giants
12/16 1:00 ET At New Orleans -3.5 Tampa Bay
12/16 1:00 ET At St. Louis -3 Minnesota
12/16 1:00 ET Washington -1.5 At Cleveland
12/16 1:00 ET At Miami -7 Jacksonville
12/16 1:00 ET Denver -2.5 At Baltimore
12/16 1:00 ET At Houston -8.5 Indianapolis
12/16 4:05 ET At San Diego -3 Carolina
12/16 4:05 ET Seattle -5.5 At Buffalo
12/16 4:05 ET Detroit -6 At Arizona
12/16 4:25 ET Pittsburgh -1.5 At Dallas
12/16 4:25 ET At Oakland -3 Kansas City
12/16 8:30 ET At New England -5 San Francisco

 

   Monday Night Football Point Spread

12/17 8:40 ET At Tennessee -2 NY Jets

December 13, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, NFL Picks | , , , | Comments Off on 2012 NFL Season – Week 15

Weird Dream

I had a dream that I won the election and became President.  That’s not the weird part.  I won 454 of the 538 electoral votes. (I lost in New York and California.)  That’s not the weird part either.  The weird part was that I had absolutely no press coverage.  I wasn’t mentioned in any polls, there was no cheating on either my part or by any of my supporters.  The reactions by the election night hosts on the networks were from bewildered to outrage.  Below are some of the few reactions:

  • CNN – Anderson Cooper kept mumbling, “Ahmnodt Heare” while looking like Wolf Blitzer just ripped a “Silent-but-Deadly.”
  • MSNBC – Chris Matthews blew a gasket.  “Who the **** is Ahmnodt Heare?  How in the **** did he win?  Seriously, who is he?”
  • Fox News chose not to mention my name.  They ran with “Obama Defeated” without mentioning who beat him.
  • Current TV – Keith Olbermann said, “November 6, 2012 – Americans played ‘Oddball’ and hit the jackpot!”
  • CBS News did have some ground reporters talking to people who voted for me.  They also had a countdown to December 21 on the bottom of the screen.
  • NBC News managed to find out something about me.  Kelly O’Donnell was reading my platform to the audience.  Luke Russert alternated moments between agony and outright laughter.
  • ABC News was looking to get President Obama’s reaction to his shocking loss.

My father called me and told me that TMZ was around his neighborhood looking for dirt on me.  TMZ does not want me to become president because a large part of their business is following and reporting on Cinemafia stars.

Twitter was abuzz with the election.  The leading trend the entire night was either “Ahmnodt Heare” or “Who is Ahmnodt Heare.”  Other keywords pertaining to my campaign included, “Cinemafia”, “Vanna White Supremacist”, and “Orgies for Abstinence.”

The more I look back at the dream, the more I can envision the entire dream happening as I recalled it.  The part most likely to happen is the mainstream media being left in the dark as to how I won.  I’ll probably end up having my first interview as President-Elect with Alex Jones.

February 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, issues, media, politics, satire, Social Networking, Vanna White | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Optimist in Me

I tend to be optimistic.  My pessimism is usually reserved to what I think will happen to the United States if I don’t become elected President this November.  But I am optimistic that this will be the last Presidents’ Day I will be celebrating as not the President until 2017 or 2021.

My optimism is not limited to my future.  I am optimistic about other things:

  • The Washington sports teams (Capitals, Nationals, and Redskins) will all win championships in the same year soon.
  • We will still be around on December 22.
  • The Cinemafia will be defeated and entertainment will become affordable again.
  • The “Ahmnodt in Sunglasses” look will be more popular than the Rick Santorum “sweater vest” look – even on winter nights.

There is a reason for my optimistic spirit.  It is because I have a history of knowing good things are going to happen.  Below are some examples:

  • Vanna White getting a star on the “Walk-of-Fame”.
  • “Friends” getting canceled.  (I never did like that show.)
  • I would make millions thousands hundreds a couple dollars running my own business.
  • I would find a diet I could stick to that would help me lose weight.  I drench my chocolate in hot sauce, which has all but abolished my cravings for chocolate and for hot sauce.

I will remain optimistic as long as good things happen.  Ideally, I would like to make the good things happen myself, but sometimes I have to rely on karma, faith, or good luck.

February 20, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire, Vanna White, Washington | , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

   

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