Laundromat Blues

The biggest difference between my last house the house I currently own is that the that my current house does not have a setup for a washer and dryer (nor do I have the room for one.)  This means I do my laundry at the local laundromat.  The laundromat is in the middle of nowhere and the nearest bar is a mile past the police station.

The washers and dryers are quite old.  The only new parts of the machines are the mechanisms that collect money.  Most of the washing machines either do not have water coming out or do not spin.  A good portion of the dryers have no heat.

The people who frequent the laundromat leave much to be desired.  I am not just saying that because none of the patrons voted for me in 2008.  Not only were not any hotties, there weren’t many lukewarmies.  Even if the laundromat had a bar, I wouldn’t be approaching most of the women.  The women are closer to human than the men are.  The “groomed” men looked like they were extras in “Deliverance.”  I called the police about a creature I saw in there the last time I had to do laundry, but it turned out he is the cook at the local diner.

I combined the clothes from the machine that didn’t have a spin cycle with the clothes from the machine that didn’t have a wash cycle and threw them into dryers that didn’t have heat.  A half hour later I had wet, dirty clothes.  The clothes had to be washed by hand when I got home.  There are clothes drying all over my house.  There is clothing draped over every chair, the shower rod, the towel rack, toilet tank, entertainment unit, television, refrigerator, and kitchen cabinet.  I am hoping the clothes will be dried by tomorrow.

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I am Confused

The National Institute of Health (NIH) wants to spend $2.6 million dollars to teach Chinese prostitutes how to drink.  Maybe I am wrong, but I never thought that drinking was a prostitute’s primary job.  I am wondering how the NIH knows that Chinese prostitutes have a drinking problem.  They are also spending $400,000 to study the effects beer has on gay men in Argentina.

The only reason why I can see why the NIH is spending $3 million on the effects of alcohol on foreigners is labor costs.  Prostitutes in America are expensive.  I would guess that a gay American man would cost a lot of money also.

I sense a pattern.  The NIH wants to study deviant sexual behavior abroad because they don’t want to get caught at home.  There will probably study the effects that “Shirley Temples” have on pedophiles in Brussells.

If I am elected president, I will not allow a dime to be spent on deviant behavior of foreigners.  That money would be better spent at home.