Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

How I View Other Candidates

I look at the candidates who are running for President and conclude that I must run for President.  People need a good choice.  This entry isn’t about me as much as how I see the other candidates and why I can’t vote for the other candidates.

Barack Obama (D) – Incumbent – When he was pushing “Hope and Change”, I was hoping for hope and change.  We didn’t get that, but we did get George W. Bush’s third term.

Mitt Romney (R) – The resident snake oil / used car salesman.  I’m waiting for him to say, “What will it take to get you to vote for me today?”

Newt Gingrich (R) – aka “The Newtered One” – The snake from which Romney gets his oil to sell.  Gingrich is like the weather in Cleveland:  If you don’t like his platform, wait five minutes.  And like the Cleveland weather, it probably won’t be better, but it will change.

Ron Paul – (R) – Actually a pretty good candidate for a Republican, but will be best known as the candidate whose exposure on TV was mostly about how he doesn’t get exposure on TV.

Michele Bachmann – (R) – A rather simple debate strategy: “Barack Obama has failed at _______.”  As a foster mother of over 20 children, I envision her as putting bad people in a “time-out corner” with that corner in the United States being in northeastern Maine in the winter.

Rick Santorum – (R) – A man of faith whose mission is to declare war on Syria and Iran in the name of the “Prince of Peace.”  I don’t think Jesus approves of all the wars.

Rick Perry – (R) – He is the weird uncle that always shows up at family functions.

Jon Huntsman – (R) – A reasonable man with a couple of good ideas and some hot daughters.  The type of candidate people say they want, but end up voting for people with bad ideas like Obama, Romney, and Gingrich.

Gary Johnson (R) – The 2012 version of Ron Paul in 2008.  A libertarian messenger who doesn’t get to debate often.

Buddy Roemer (R) – The family member who has been misowned by the rest of the family.

Wayne Allyn Root (L) – He is trying to Republicanize the Libertarian Party.  He is a morph of Mitt Romney the salesman and Michele Bachmann the debater.

R. Lee Wrights (L) – A libertarian candidate in the Libertarian Party.  He’d eat smarty-pants Gingrich for lunch in a debate based on the writings of Wrights I have read.  A good man, but his party tends to shoot itself in the foot when it comes to political strategy.

Cynthia McKinney (G?) – A former Democratic Congresswoman who is not afraid to take on the establishment.  Painted as a “whacko” because the establishment does not like people who challenge it.

Jimmy McMillan (RITDH) – Stalking on his political opponents quietly and waiting for his moment to pounce.  Reminded America that the rent is too damned high.

Ahmnodt Heare (I) – An average guy who is trying to take money out of politics by not accepting donations and not spending money on the campaign.

There is the tale of the tape.  Vote wisely for me.


December 11, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, change, commentary, economy, humor, issues, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire, voting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

My Chances Just Got Much Better!

I’m not showing up in any polls besides the Oudda Poll (which is ran by my mother).  I haven’t gotten invited to any debates.  My media exposure has been limited to a tweet read on MSNBC and two tweets read on the local news.  These truths have been huge obstacles in my campaign.

There are good signs from non-traditional sources.  My internet presence continues to grow.  More people are talking about me in conversations with other people.  Some men tell women that they know me as a pick-up line in bars.  (This is ironic because that line works better than when I tell women that I AM Ahmnodt Heare.)  I have been offered Secret Service protection.  (I declined because I don’t like it when others look cooler in sunglasses than I do.)

The race has been narrowed down between me and President Obama.  This is because I am not a Republican invited to the “Kiss-of-Death” debate on December 27 in Des Moines.  It is not the kiss of death because it’s in Des Moines.  It is a fine city,  I have been there in the past.  It is the kiss of death because of the moderator, Donald Trump.

The reason why Donald Trump is the “Kiss of Death” is simple.  Every time a candidate goes to visit Donald Trump in search of an endorsement, he or she drops in the polls like a rock off the Empire State Building.  It started with Sarah Palin.  She isn’t even running any more.  Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain have all seen the Donald with similar results:  A rapid freefall from the polls has resulted every time.  Newt Gingrich is scheduled to meet him on Monday.

I will be declining that debate and any invitation to visit Donald Trump.  Victory is mine!

December 2, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, debate, election, endorsement, humor, media, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on My Chances Just Got Much Better!


Ahmnodtaphobia (n) – the fear of losing an election to an independent candidate with no campaign money or party support.

I have to admit I never heard this term until yesterday.  A supporter in Iowa said she first coined it last year as she blurted it out during an argument with an Obama supporter.  Like many other supporters, she is tired of supporters of “mainstream” candidates saying that independents do not have a chance in elections.

It seems Ahmnodtaphobia is not limited to independent candidates.  It was alive and well in Saturday night’s GOP debate.  Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul’s campaigns noted that they received fewer questions and less time overall than the other candidates.  Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson wasn’t even invited to the debate despite meeting the poll criteria.

Ahmnodtaphobia was rampant in 2008 as I was not invited to any debates.  I am not sure if not being invited to debate with Republicans is because they only invite Republicans or if they are genuinely afraid I would outshine them in debates.  I am not sure how much I could outshine them considering the Republican candidates.  It’s hard to flap a plastic robot like Mitt Romney.  It’s also difficult to get someone like Ron Paul or Michele Bachmann to stumble if their opportunities to flub are minimal.  And it’s impossible to get Gary Johnson flustered if he doesn’t even get to debate.

Plastic robots like Barack Obama (blue) and Mitt Romney (red) get more questions in debates than other candidates.

A system has to be developed in which all voices can be heard.  The current system isn’t working.  All we are hearing are the same ideas that haven’t worked when other people tried it.  If you know someone who is Ahmnodtaphobic, kindly tell them to seek help immediately.

November 14, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, debate, economy, humor, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Who On Stage Would Be My Vice President?

It is hard to pick a vice president.  I have tried in the past and ran into problems (age, arrest records, country of origin, etc.)  Out of those on stage debating, I would choose Michele Bachmann.  I would choose her because a president can never be too careful.  Sometimes a president makes decisions that are unpopular.  Michele Bachmann would be my candidate because there would be times when I would need assassination insurance.  She is best suited to be my vice-president for that reason.

September 22, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, debate, humor, Orlando, politics, satire | , , | 2 Comments

Random Notes and Ramblings

Instead of spending all my time on one topic, today I will touch on a few things I am feeling.

Michele Bachmann:  She worked for the IRS as an attorney for five years.  Now she is a Tea Party favorite.  This is like the sheep inviting the wolves over for dinner.

Rick Perry:

Barack Obama: My running for President should have proved by now that I am not a Barack Obama supporter.  Leave him alone.  Let him have his vacation.  It’s not like anything was getting done when he was working.

Ron Paul:  I could relate to Ron Paul’s campaign.  Neither of us got much press coverage in 2008.  Ron Paul is getting more coverage now.  Hopefully my campaign will soon be reaping the same benefit.

Cinemafia:  People are going to movies again.  This is sad.  I will explain in greater detail tomorrow.  (I’m still gathering dirt details.)

Newt Gingrich:  The Newtered One is campaigning in Hawaii this week.  He’ll get 1% in the Iowa and New Hampshire Primaries.  Campaigning in Hawaii away from the other candidates will all but assure he will get 2% somewhere.

Debt Ceiling:  If we had a balanced budget, we wouldn’t need a debt ceiling.

Apple trees and cow farts:  The cores of my health care and energy plans, respectively.

Don’t forget to listen to my podcast tomorrow night at 11:00PM Eastern. (8:00PM Pacific).  If you have any questions about me or my campaign and you feel comfortable asking with millions thousands a couple of people listening, feel free to call in at (347)-945-7487.

August 18, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, humor, politics, satire | , , , , | 1 Comment

No Need to Worry

Many of my supporters were disappointed with the results of the Iowa Straw Poll on Saturday.  I didn’t care about the results.  It did not bother me that I failed to get even one vote in the straw poll.  Here is why I was not disappointed:   1) I am not a Republican. 2) A real fiscal conservative would not waste $30 to vote in an election that doesn’t count.

Neither Mitt Romney nor Rick Perry participated in the straw poll, yet they are both continuing to get a ton of media coverage.  I am banking that I will get media coverage as soon as they realize I did not participate in the straw poll either.

Approval ratings is another reason why I continue to feel confident.  President Obama’s approval rating is only at 39%.  Congress’s approval rating is at a pathetic 17%.  (Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul are both currently in Congress.  Former members of Congress include Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Barack Obama.)  My approval ratings are currently at 67%.  It would have been at 100%, but my father didn’t like the way I washed the dishes Saturday night.

Don’t let the perceived negativity get to you.  It’s all good.  Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race, so there is one less obstacle between us and the White House.  It’s our time!


August 15, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments

Heat, Hacking, and Other Recent News

There’s been a lot of news recently.  Not all of it is good, but I have an attack plan.

Heat Wave – The eastern 2/3 of the United States is currently under a dangerous heat wave.  In the past, i would have said now is a good time to fight global warming.  After consulting meteorologists, people who work outdoors, and my psychic, I have determined that the best time to fight global warming is before it gets hot.   Likewise, the best time to encourage global warming is before it gets cold.

Hacking – Ruppert and James Murdoch of NewsCorp faced a parliamentary committee (It’s like a Congressional committee, except it has people with British accents).  Hacking is against my policy as is wiretapping.  Video cameras would only be used on the hottest women.  Nobody wants to see me wolf down a box of Ring Dings.

Migraines – Michele Bachmann has them.  Migraines should not be the reason why you don’t vote for her.  You shouldn’t vote for her because you are voting for me.

Debt Ceiling – I would lower it.  They say we can’t pay the national debt off.  That doesn’t mean wh shouldn’t at least try.   We need to find out why government is spending so much money and start pinching pennies.  It shouldn’t cost $3.4 trillion to run the United States.


July 21, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

%d bloggers like this: