Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Weekend Itinerary

It’s back to the campaign trail this weekend.  I will be along the western banks of the Hudson River speaking to various groups:


12:00PM – Highland Falls, NY – I will be speaking to a senior citizen group called “SAWAC” (Seniors for Access to Whips And Chains).  I will be addressing this active senior group plans to make the equipment they need more easily accessible.  The speech will be short so I don’t hold them up for their daily naps.

1:30PM – West Haverstraw, NY – I will organize a speech in front of the motor vehicles office explaining my motor vehicle department plan.

3:00PM – Nyack, NY – I will wonder aimlessly through the streets of Nyack and hopefully figure out what the hell they are thinking about.  I hope this won’t take too long.

4:30PM – NY/NJ border on U.S. 9W – I will try to bring peace to the border after a tough NHL Eastern Conference final.  Rangers fans and Devils fans were in each others’ faces and has made life difficult for those of us who think both teams suck.  (LET’S GO CAPS!!!)  By Caps, I mean the Washington Capitals, not typing in all caps.  I only typed in caps because I always yell when I say that.

6:00PM – Fort Lee, NJ – I will be at the western end of the George Washington Bridge discouraging people from jumping.  I won’t mention my campaign to anybody who is thinking about jumping until they are convinced that jumping off the bridge is not the answer and the meds they will probably have to take start kicking in.

8:00PM – Hoboken, NJ – My last stop tomorrow will involve a seance with fellow Hobokeners and trying to summon the spirit of Hoboken’s favorite son, Frank Sinatra.  I am confident he will endorse my campaign posthumously.

Sunday I will be hitting the Wal-Marts in Franklin and Newton, NJ – Monroe and Middletown, NY – Milford, Honesdale, and Dickson City, PA.  I will be showing my appreciation to Wal-Mart associates who keep prices low for working for less.  Workers who smoke will be given a cigarette as a token of my appreciation.

I’ll be going to bed soon because I have a long weekend ahead.

June 1, 2012 Posted by | campaign, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Nothing to Show for It

Some of the best things in life are unplanned.  (I am not referring to the lack of birth control.)  What started out as a trip to the mall ended up with my giving the most positively received speech I had ever given.

I had gone to the Galleria at Crystal Run in Middletown, NY to meet up with a college friend at the Johnny Rockets restaurant in the mall.  Heavy traffic brought me to the upper level of the mall and I parked by the movie theater.  A teen-aged couple approached me when I entered the mall by the cinema multiplex.  They wanted me to decide between “The Last Exorcism” and “Machete.”  I told them they would be better off grabbing a bite to eat at Johnny Rockets than to waste their movie on a Cinemafia produced movie.  I wasn’t sure, but I thought I heard someone say, “It’s Ahmnodt Heare!” I suddenly went into speech mode.  Below is an excerpt of what I thought I said:

Once upon a time, movies were good and I found enjoyment in watching them.  Then one day somebody decided that not only was “Forrest Gump” the best movie in 1994, but Tom Hanks was the best actor.  I went and rented the other movies that were nominated.   There were a few things I noticed… Forrest Gump was the best movie, Tom Hanks was the best actor, and neither were as good as movies in the late ’70s and early ’80s…

…Not only has the quality of movies gotten worse, but it costs a lot more to see a poor movie today than it did to watch a quality movie twenty years ago.  One would think that the extra money would go towards the ticket-taker or one of the fine people working the concession stand or even the person who cleans the theater.THe only people seeing the extra money are the Cinemafia, and in a few cases, the theater owners.

By the time I had finished my speech, there were 50 or 60 people listening and applauding.  I was given a standing ovation.  (I don’t know if that was because they really loved the speech or that because there were no seats around.)  The friend i was supposed to meet was there and was filming the speech with an old camcorder.

We were going to have lunch at Johnny Rockets, but it had suddenly become crowded (mostly with people who were listening to the speech.)  It was off to the food court where we had lunch.  He told me that he was shocked that I had decided to run for President.  Most people who knew me in college would be equally shocked.  I was too interested in college life and having fun to think about politics.  I couldn’t tell you who my mayor was, but even then I knew I had no governor or senator because I lived in Washington DC.

My friend called me an hour ago with bad news:  The camcorder he used to tape my speech did not have any videotape in it.  He was going to transfer the video from VHS to a .mp4  and post the video on YouTube.  But since there was no tape, there will be no YouTube video link for me to post.

There is nothing additional to post besides this blog entry.  I blame most of this on myself because I did not bring my camcorder or my camera to record any of my actions.  It was a nice gesture by my friend to bring his camcorder even though he forgot the film.  This is a painful reminder to bring some sort of video recording device everywhere I go.  Excuse me while i go to the bathroom…

September 18, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, issues, satire, speech | , , , , , | 2 Comments


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