Questions Parents Should Not Hear

I was shocked to see Patricia’s mother and Patricia at my door this morning.  A childhood friend of Patricia’s mother passed away yesterday in Minnesota and wanted me to watch Patricia for a few days.

I wish I remembered the name of Patricia’s mother.  It was a one-night stand, but the result of the one-night stand was Patricia.  I should ask Patricia what her mother’s name is, but I should find a way to ask without suggesting I have no idea what her mom’s name is.)

I was watching one of the news stations when a commercial for Viagra was on.

“Daddy, what is Viagra?”

Why are there commercials for Viagra on during the day when children are at home and want to be informed with what is going on in the world.

“It’s a medicine for old men.”

“What is it for?”

“I don’t know, Patricia.  I’m not an old man.”

I managed to dodge that bullet.  We were watching “The Golden Girls” on the Hallmark Channel.  There was a commercial for Pamprin.  I tried to distract Patricia by telling her she can have a glass of fruit juice, but she was fixated on the television.

“Daddy, what’s Pamprin?”

“It’s a medicine for women.”

“What does it do?”

“I don’t know…  You’ll have to ask a woman.”

Before she could ask another question, I decided that we have watched enough television and that we should go to the park.

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My Minnesota Solution

Senatorial candidates Al Franken and Norm Coleman have been in the courts fighting over who should represent Minnesota in the Senate.  Minnesota will have one less representative to represent them until this is settled.  I suggest that Governor Tim Pawlenty choose Ahmnodt Heare to represent the fine state of Minnesota until this dilemma is resolved.

It’s not like I have never been to Minnesota.  I am often in Minneapolis- St. Paul International Airport on a layover between flights.  I have watched former Governor Jesse Ventura wrestle on several occasions.  I feel a genuine connection with Minnesotites.

I will fight for Minnesota the moment I fight in Washington.  I will fortify the border with Canada and with Wisconsin.  I would encourage global warming in the winter.  I will bring affordable entertainment to Minnesota.

Governor Pawlenty, please consider the lack of representation your fine state currently has and choose me to represent Minnesota.  I thank you and I would be honored.