Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Hey, I Tried

I was hoping I could watch the Republican and Democratic Conventions without falling asleep.  There was hope the Republican convention could actually get exciting with Ron Paul’s delegates causing some kind of ruckus.  I heard through the grapevine that they did cause some commotion, but the media brushed it aside.

Watching the opening of today’s activities was not like watching paint dry.  It was more like listening to paint dry.  I do not know if RNC Chair Reince Priebus was drunk or is uncomfortable speaking in front of people, but that boy didn’t look right today.

I was considering joining a political party but thought better of it.  But neither party has many good ideas and it shows.  The best thing about being an Independent is that I can take the 2% of the Republican ideas that are good and the 2% of the Democratic ideas that are good and combine them with the 70% of the Libertarian, Reform, Green, Constitution, and The Rent is Too Damned High parties as well as the ideas I have kicked up over the years.

While there will never be a party convention for independents, that gives me more time to spend with real Americans while the other candidates hang out with party big-wigs with personalities of a wet dirty mop.  Time to clean the mop and ring it out.

Watching a party convention is like watching a telethon.  It’s all about a disease for which there is no cure and they want your money.  I don’t want your money.  It’s hard to like someone who does want your money.  Even a political novice like myself knows that an independent cannot get votes if nobody likes him (or her).  That’s why i try to be likable.

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August 28, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

One Billion Reasons to Vote for Ahmnodt Heare

This is going to shape up to be the most expensive presidential race in history.  Half a billion dollars have already been wasted on the race with another half-billion to be squandered in the months ahead.  Neither Barack Obama nor Mitt Romney will be able to clean up Obama’s mess just like Obama hasn’t able to clean up George W. Bush’s meess and Bush wasn’t able to clean up Clinton’s mess (not even with using a blue dress as a rag.)

Let not the media fool you.  People who spend that type of money on an election campaign are not doing it because they want to serve you.  They are spending that money as an investment in themselves and their buddies.  If they really wanted to serve you, all they would have to do is serve you.

In the upcoming months, you will see a lot of political commercials.  Most of the commercials will state how bad one candidate is.  Few will explain why you should vote for somebody and not against another person.

Keep these things in mind as you see all of these political ads between now and November.  1) Obama’s and Romney’s campaigns and their supporting PACs are spending one billion dollars to beat over the head with commercial after commercial after commercial.  2)I can’t be blamed for the deluge of commercials because I am not airing any.  When you get sick of the commercials, remember the candidate who respects you enough not to air any ads.  Remember Ahmnodt Heare.

I am Ahmnodt Heare and I approve this message.

August 17, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, media, Obama, politics, Romney, satire | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to Keep Money Out of Politics

It’s simple enough to write in one sentence: “Don’t vote for the people putting money into politics.”  But since you want to read more than one sentence, I will milk this and go deeper in what I mean.

Over one billion dollars is expected to be spent on the presidential election with millions more on local, state, and federal elections.  All other parties combined will spend less than two million on all elections.  Ahmnodt Heare will not spend a dime on his campaign because he knows the only way to take money out of politics is to never put it in there to begin with.  (I wrote that sentence in third-person in case you wanted to copy it and paste it as your Facebook status or place it in a reply to someone else’s political posting.)

The bottom line is that if you want to take money out of politics, then you have to vote for me for President.  I am the only Presidential candidate I know of that is running a penniless campaign.  If you vote for anybody else, you are probably voting for someone who is putting money into politics.  This vicious cycle will continue until people like you (and you) start voting for people who don’t put money in politics.  I thank you for your continued support.

August 12, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Peace Signs for Ahmnodt

Throughout the month of August, when you make a transaction (whether it’s for filling your gas tank, buying your groceries, getting a dime bag, or loaning a friend $20), as soon as the transaction is complete, make a peace sign.

Winnie started the trend after buying a pint of ale at a pub in London.

Unlike Mitt Romney and the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner, I am all about peace.  My definition of “withdrawing the troops” means ending the war and bringing the troops home.  My definition of “closing Guantanamo Bay” means withdrawing the prisoners and troops from Guantanamo Bay and bringing them home.  My definition of “is” is “3rd person singular present indicative of be.”

Another way to get the peace message out is to add the word “peace” to anything in the “memo” section of the check (account number, phone number, “for last night”, etc.”).

Why the “Peace” for everything financial?  Because for too long we have fought wars for money, gold, oil, women, and other valuables.  Ones we get rid of the connotation of money with war with peace, there will be no more need for war.

August 3, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire, War | , , , | 1 Comment

My Economic Policy

In the past I have talked about how I would create jobs.  Creating jobs won’t mean much without a sound economic vision because companies won’t make the money they need to maintain employment.

I will try to lay out my banking and finance strategy without boring you to tears.  This won’t be easy because thinking about bores me to tears.  But once the plan is implemented, you will be pleased with how things are going to go.

My banking plan will simply banking, remove or lower many banking fees, and make loans more readily available while allowing banks to make money.  I would eliminate checking and saving fees and lower cash advances from ATM machines to $1.00  per transaction.  Banks would make their money from interest-free loans from the Federal Reserve once the government takes it over (more on this in a minute) and by increasing the limit on interest rate on homes and automobiles.

The Constitution states that Congress is supposed to be in charge of minting monies.  Therefore, the Federal Reserve is unconstitutional.  I also believe that the government is better suited to print money out of thin air than any private institution like the Federal Reserve.

My plan will allow banks to make more money, allow people to keep more of their own money so they can spend it on stuff and keep stores open and able to keep employees.

I apologize if you were bored but you will be excited when you have more money to spend.  This is one reason why I am running for President.  I also want more money to spend.

June 7, 2012 Posted by | campaign, commentary, economy, editorial, issues, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

All About Meme

I am always looking for new and innovative ways to get publicity while maintaining a strict policy of taking money out of politics by not spending a dime on my campaign.  Aside from the one-time-only money bomb on the 31st of this month, there will not be a PayPal button or any other button for donations.  The other day I came across a meme maker called, “Quickmeme“.

For those not familiar with what a meme is, a meme is a picture with text added.  Icanhazcheezburgers.com was the first to have this function available (mostly to cats, dogs, politicians, and other animals.)  Popular memes include Keanu Reeves and the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” guy.  I am honored to be a meme (though I had to get the ball rolling myself.)  Below is some of the memes I created:

Now you can create your own “Ahmnodt Heare” meme.  Just click the link, then click the “Add your own caption” button, and add your own caption.  You can either save the meme to your computer or with the other Ahmnodt Heare memes.  The memes are automatically saved so you don’t have to do any additional work once you create the meme.

Have fun!

April 19, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, politics | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Exploratory Committee Results

The exploratory committee took time to watch me swim laps at the town pool.

I am pleased to announce that the exploratory committee for my campaign has finished my viability as a presidential candidate in 2012.  Here are the conclusions they came up with:

  • While I have yet to been interviewed or involved in a TMZ-covered scandal, I am starting to get media coverage. Some people in the national media now know who I am.
  • I have a history of setting trends.  There were many activities I did in the 2008 campaign that were later copied by other candidates.  Portions of my platform were borrowed by candidates for office in 2010.
  • I have the best group of supporters ever.  If you don’t believe me, ask any of my supporters.
  • Despite how people traditionally vote, they like a candidate who says what he means in plain English.  (Y Español también.)
  • At least I’m not Newt Gingrich.
  • People don’t have the money to fund campaigns.  I’m not asking for money.  I’m not spending money.  I am living as a true fiscal conservative.  People want a president to show spending restraint.

The polls may not reflect the findings (especially the polls that don’t list me as a 2012 Presidential candidate), but I am beginning to make headway and plan on being a major player in the election.

March 21, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, media, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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