Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Accomplishments and Milestones

I have accomplished something with this blog I had never accomplished before.  I had at least one blog entry every day in November.  It was something I didn’t really try to accomplish until I noticed last week .  I kept the streak alive on Friday by starting to blog just before Midnight.  I published what I had completed just before it became Saturday.  The blog entry was finished and updated soon after Midnight.  The irony was that I wanted to participate in National Novel Writing Month, but things got hectic between the Second and the 11th and I never got around to finishing after my first entry on the First.

Blogging every day in November lead to my milestone.  This is my 1,200th blog entry.  You might be wondering how I have been able to write 1,200 blog entries when I have only been blogging for 1,022 days (February 14, 2008).  I blogged sporadically between July and November 2008 due to lacking a computer.  Entries were also a bit sporadic between July and October 2009 because of the problems I had with internet service providers.

I made up the difference by having days when I had two or more entries per day during the first couple months.  When there was a debate or a State of the Union address, I had a separate blog entry for every question (in debates) and subjects mention (in State of the Union addresses).  I blogged in real time for people who wanted to know what I thought as I was thinking.

This entry also serves another purpose.  It’s to prevent me from the major social faux-pas I made last night.  I went to the Orthodox Jewish community of Kiryas Joel, NY last night for the lighting of the town’s menorah.  The only problem is that Hanukkah is tonight and not last night.  The other problem is that people light their menorahs at home at sunset.  I do not know when the town’s ceremony is, but I have previous plans tonight.

Today continues the time-honored tradition of rain when I set aside time to campaign at a cemetery or a morgue.  Fortunately today is a morgue day so I won’t be outside standing in the 2-4″ of rain expected here today.  I am hoping that when I campaign in local bars tonight I will run into Matt.   He said my blog drives him to drink.  I would like to buy him a beer.


December 1, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Days Ahead

This is a slow week for my business, but starting next week, I will be busy for the next two months.  The Christmas strategies I have set up for my clients are in the implementation stage.  Basically, the week will comprise of spending 30-40 minutes a day looking at data and not much else.  The first Monday in December is when my clients start looking for a new campaign for the new year.  The first week in January is when I start picking up new clients as they are looking for a new marketing plan and get better results.

My work day started at 8:30AM and ended at 9:10.  It will be like that the rest of the week,  This will give me a lot of time to campaign.  It starts tonight as I go to Kiryas Joel, NY for the lighting of the town’s menorah celebrating the start of Hanukkah.  I will campaign there until 7:30 before heading home and setting up for tonight’s podcast at 9:00PM Eastern.

Tomorrow will be spent at the morgue as I campaign to those who have recently deceased as many of them are still registered to vote and will remained registered if they vote in 2012,  The night will be spent going to neighborhood bars campaigning to drunks before they pass out.

Thursday will be spent at gas stations touting my energy plan.  Gas prices have spiraled upward in recent weeks and I want to put a stop to it.  I will also go to Rahway State Prison and campaign on death row.  (As soon as they are executed, they will be dead and be able to vote,)

I will not campaign during the day on Friday as I will have to spend some time Christmas shopping.  I think I will buy bschooled some tampons so she can make some of her critically acclaimed tampon sculptures.  Friday night will be spent in town.  I will campaign as the town’s Christmas tree is lit during an otherwise boring ceremony.

I will be quite busy even though I will not be working.

November 30, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, issues, politics, satire | , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Staying on Course

Yesterday was a bad day to maintain my campaign schedule, but I did it.  The pouring rain and the howling winds did not stop me from campaigning at the cemeteries.  If I am going to be an advocate for the deceased, then there are going to be sacrifices I am going to have to make to show them that I support their cause.  They’re not going to vote just because it’s Election Day.  They need help and motivation.

I had a sense most of the people were glad I came to see them on such a horrific weather day.  I spent most of the day dodging branches blown off of trees and ended up in puddles a couple of times.  It was hard at times to keep from falling as the grounds were muddy and slippery.

Below is a small excerpt from my speech:

Ladies and Gentlemen:  You might think that now that you are dead that Congress will stop taxing you.  This is not true.  Congress wants to tax you more because they feel you can’t stop them.  This tax hurts your children and their children.  If you elect me President, I will make sure dead people are never taxed again!  This is the only way the deceased can rest in peace!…

I am continuing my crusade for the dead today at the county morgue.  I will resume campaigning for the living tomorrow.

January 26, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire, taxes | , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Campaigning Schedule Jan 25 – 30

I am not speaking to any groups this week, but I will be out campaigning to get my campaign some word-of-mouth exposure.  While this will not give my campaign the exposure that a thirty-second ad would, I will have instant results (for the most part) of the effectiveness of my campaign.

Monday 1/25: – I will be campaigning in cemeteries in the Monroe, NY and Chester, NY areas.  This will take me a while to measure the results as most of the deceased will not be able to register to vote immediately.  I will probably have to wait for a news story to appear of party leaders commenting about the spike in registered deceased voters.

1/26 – Orange County Morgue – Goshen, NY: Unlike cemeteries, these people are recently deceased and could very well be registered voters.  They will need assurance that just because they are dead, it doesn’t mean that nobody is fighting for their rights.

1/27 – Woodbury Commons, Central Valley, NY: Many of these people are still alive and are probably feeling the effects of the economy.  I will distribute copies of my economic bailout plan and explain why my bailout plan is better than bailout plans offered by either President Obama or former President Bush.

8:00 PM (Eastern) – Real-time blogging of the State of the Union Address.

1/28 – Meet Ahmnodt Heare – Planet Pizza, Monroe, NY: I will have lunch at Planet Pizza this Thursday.  I will answer questions you may have about my campaign as soon as I am finished eating.  (My mother always harps on me about talking with my mouth full, so I will not be able to answer questions while I am eating.)

1/29 – Telepathic Teleconference: I will be hosting a telepathic teleconference at Noon on Friday.  All my fellow telepathetic people are welcome to attend.

1/30 – Boycott the Cinemafia Day: I encourage everybody to do anything on Saturday except watch a movie.  This includes home, at the theather, in prison, and anywhere else.

My work week will be pretty full, but since I have a full slate of clients, I can work around my campaigning schedule.  Please attend at least one of these events.  I am looking forward to meeting you.

January 24, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Bailout, campaign, economy, humor, Platform, politics, satire | , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Dead People Voting

My long hard work of campaigning in cemeteries and morgues is paying off according to a Fox News article.  Americans for Limited Government President Bill Wilson seems to have issues with my campaign strategy and garnishing votes from the deceased population.  He’s jealous because as the only candidate who campaigns to the deceased and sympathizes with their issues, my message resonates with dead dead people more with Bill Wilson’s message.

The main reason why I campaign in cemeteries and morgues is because those places are not internet-ready and people there are unable to read my blog while decomposing.  I think every dead person who takes the time to cast a vote deserves to have his or her voice heard.  We cannot allow necrophobes to continue to deny people their right to vote just because they are deceased.

January 19, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Off to the Morgue!

I used to campaign in cemeteries.  Dead people vote in Philadelphia and Chicago all the time.  I was not about to concede a Democratic Party monopoly when it comes to the deceased.  So I would spend at least one day a week campaigning in cemeteries.  Things were going well until I was one-upped by a gentleman from Massachusetts running for Senate.  He was able to get dead people to register to vote.

I have learned through various sources that a voter has to vote at least once every four years to keep his or her registration active.  I want to take the time to register the deceased people to vote, but there are living people whose votes I need also.  Instead of campaigning at cemeteries, I will be doing campaigns at morgues and at funeral parlors (between viewings).  Because people at morgues and funeral parlors are recently deceased, they are probably still registered and probably voted in November’s record-turnout election.

I will be hitting the morgues tonight and the funeral parlors from time-to-time starting Monday.

March 27, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, issues, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Campaign Schedule for October 26-27

I will be spending the next couple days campaigning in morgues in the Northeast.  My hope is that the recently deceased are registered voters and that they will vote for Ahmnodt Heare. 

If you plan on dying between now and Election Day and you need a ride to your election polling station, then send me an e-mail and I will arrange transportation for you.

October 26, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, politics, Poll, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Campaign Schedule for October 26-27


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