Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Getting Back in the Groove

After months of delays and after running out of excuses, I have finally moved and in the process of hitting the campaign trail.  Getting to my new house was a bit of an adventure that I never want to go through again.

My GPS is old and not terribly reliable in finding the shortest distance between two points.  Wyoming is a beautiful state, but has no business on a route between New Jersey and Delaware.  I also manage to be lead on some unpaved roads.

I managed to get here late last night.  It wasn’t until after I unloaded everything this morning that I realized I had forgotten a few things.  I remembered to bring food, but none of the pots, pans, or dishes.  The on;y reason why I remembered the silverware was because I had placed them in my toiletries bag.  New Jersey is where my pots, pans, toothpaste, toothbrush, and shampoo are.  I remembered the conditioner, but I forgot why I remembered.

It’s nice to be able to walk around town wearing a Washington Redskins jersey without being heckled by a rival team’s fans whose team is currently 0-5.

I will be giving a speech tomorrow on the Affordable Care Act (ObamaCare) and why nobody seems to be able to afford it.  Coffee and pastries will be served (but you will have to pay for the coffee and pastries you consume because that is how the diner operates.)

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October 10, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, health care, humor, Obama, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

While I Was Away

If you happened to be in southern Delaware or in Salisbury, MD over the weekend and wondered if that was me campaigning, the answer was yes it was.  There was a lot going on in the last month that kept me occupied.

The “Move and Un-Move”:  I had to make two trips to my new place in Delaware because the only truck I could rent that weekend was a small box truck.  I arrived at the house I was supposed to move to only to find that the house was still occupied.  The people who still live there are waiting for the people who are in the house they had bought to be evicted.

“Jury Duty” – I was stuck on jury duty for two weeks.  I was an alternate juror in an embezzlement trial and had to sit through the entire trial though I didn’t get to vote on the guilt of the defendant.  (He was found guilty.  If I was guilty, I would have been a lost guilty.)

“Witness” – The week after that trial, I returned to the court as a witness for a defendant in a civil trial.  My testimony wasn’t enough as he lost his shirt (and his house, his car, his boat, and his next of kin.)

I have spent the last couple weeks working for my neighbor’s landscaping business.  I haven’t done any landscaping since I first ran for President in 2008.  I will continue to work in landscaping until I am finally able to move.

My supporters should be relieved to know that the IRS hasn’t been targeting my supporters (yet) except for those who have joined a tea party or patriot group.  Despite recent calls from people, President Obama will not be impeached for Benghazi-Gate.  It would lead to an open season to impeach any president whose policies differ than those wishing to impeach.  Nothing will get done in Washington (aside from the Congressional pay raise and the occasional tax increase).

I am still sitting in New Jersey waiting for the word to move.  My boxes are packed and are waiting to be loaded in a truck and get hauled to Delaware.  It can’t happen soon enough.

May 15, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on While I Was Away

Transitions

I am undergoing a series of transitions in my life.  The whole process should take a couple months.  It could take a lot less time if things break my way.  I am in the process of moving to Maryland.  Below are the reasons:

  • My parents are not doing well.  My mother suffered a stroke and has yet to fully recover.  My father becomes lost when he has to cook his own meals.   
  • Every time it was my weekend for custody of my daughter, I have been reminded that it is winter.  This weekend is supposed to be freezing rain.
  • Cigarettes are cheaper in Maryland.  They’re expensive in New Jersey and I would need a loan to buy a pack in New York City.  If I am doing business in Virginia, I could buy cigarettes for dirt cheap compared to what I currently pay.
  • My business is slowing down here.  Many small businesses are closing and few new ones are starting up.  I do not know how I will fare businesswise in Maryland, but most of my current clients are set up that I can work from home with minimal trips back to New Jersey.
  • Lottery tickets have a better payout in Maryland.  Funds for the lottery in both states go towards education.  I have always been someone who demands a good return on my investments.  Since our children aren’t getting any smarter, the only other payout is winning on tickets.  Maryland lottery tickets offers more winners than New Jersey does.

For those who are wondering about what the “sequester” talk is in Washington, I think I can make it easier to understand.  The $100 billion in “spending cuts” means that government will increase spending by $100 billion instead of $200 billion.  Programs will be cut so the government can continue to spend money on projects that benefit their friends.

I hope the transition time is short.  I miss blogging and campaigning.  Have a good weekend from the entire Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign team!

February 22, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, education, issues, Personal Life | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Transitions

A New Era

After all of the delays, excuses, and other oddities, I am finally in my new home.  It’s basically the same layout as my old condo except it includes a loft (which will double as my 2016 campaign headquarters.)

I brought most of the mall stuff on Friday.  There is nothing like carrying your possessions up a walkway caked in ice.  The movers never showed (a common theme when I move).  I ended up finding some people in the neighborhood to help me with the furniture.  Fortunately, I do not have much furniture.  (Just a bed, dresser, armoire, recliner, six ottomans, TV stand, and entertainment unit.

Now that I have moved in and have just about finished unpacking, I can resume normal activities.  My 2016 campaign will kick off with a livestreaming video tomorrow at 8:30PM EST.  The show is skills needed to survive acts from the people you elect to office.

December 10, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Normalcy Postponed

I was hoping to return to what my life was before Hurricane Sandy came here.  The aftermath from Sandy included traffic problems, gas rationing, and sporadic phone service.  I was only in the dark for four hours but the restoration of power fried the motherboard in the computer I was using.  (My campaign manager’s backup laptop).

Not only did Hurricane Sandy and the gas rationing and long gas lines hamper my campaigning severely, it caused me to skip the Orgies for Abstinence as well as what was supposed to be the opening of a “Habitat for Hotties” complex in Point Pleasant Beach.

Then there was my vacation in Virginia and Thanksgiving at my parents’ home in Washington, DC.  I returned home Sunday night only to find an eviction notice on my door.  I found a place to rent and paid the security and deposit.  I was ready to move in yesterday only to find out that the people who were moving out hadn’t moved out.  They were going to move out today, but the snow has postponed it until tomorrow.

I am currently on my laptop working from my car parked in a McDonald’s parking lot.  My fingers are numb and the roads are slippery. The nearest hotel is on the other side of the mountain and my car  does not climb mountains very well when it’s snowing.  (Nor on bright sunny days.)  I hope to be able to move tomorrow.

November 27, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Smell a Conspiracy

I was looking at all of the mishaps that happened to my 2008 campaign and dismissed them as a bad stretch of luck at a bad time.  I was on the verge of winning the election before my old computer crashed, my dog kept getting sick during the debates (smart dag), and having to move from North Carolina to New Jersey after a series of mishaps.

Now to 2012:  The computer I got to replace my old computer crashed.  The dog I had passed away, but the dog I have now has to do his business during debates.  As far as I know I am not moving, but I might have to spend some time away from home as repairs are done to the pipes underneath my cement floor.  I think the CineMafia is responsible for this now as well as in 2008.  Nobody has more to lose if I become President then they do.  Even Canada wouldn’t spend that much time and resources to make sure I don’t win.  (Although the NHL is currently in lockout mode,  unfortunately Gary Bettman is an American).

I have announced recently that I currently do not plan on running for President in 2016.  If there is an overwhelming call from the public then I will change my mind and run.  I will have to keep the following things in mind:

  • If my dog passes between now and October 2016, then I will not get a new dog until after the 2016 election.
  • Buy a new computer before October 2016 and keep it away until the computer I am getting later this week breaks down.
  • Find a place to live that can survive the tough October weather in New Jersey.
  • Find a campaign manager who isn’t an anarchist and is only managing the campaign “for kicks.”

On the “Good News – Bad News” Front – I did my first “Three cities in three states in three hours” campaign bit today,  I walked from Matamoras, PA to Port Jervis, NY, to Montague, NJ and campaigned in each of those cities.  The only problems were that it rained the entire time and that I had to walk back to Matamoras to pick up my car.

October 23, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, Personal Life, politics | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I Smell a Conspiracy

Thwarted Plans

Next weekend was supposed to be my weekend to have my daughter.  But since next Saturday is Vanna White’s birthday, I could not do that.  After much discussion, it was agreed that I will have custody this weekend.  I will also have to pick her up next Sunday for the mid-winter recess.  This is not where the plans are thwarted.

My father has tickets for CPAC this weekend and Patricia and I will be with my father at CPAC.  I was hoping to be campaigning for their straw poll that will be taken towards the end of the conference.  (Here is the thwart) – voting this year will be done electronically with no provisions for write-ins.  The only way I will be able to win the straw poll is if I change my name to Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, or Rick Santorum.  (Ron Paul was not invited this year because CPAC wants somebody else to win the straw poll, even if he can’t beat Obama or me in a real election.)

I am leaving for Washington tonight.  I am thinking of moving back to the DC area.  (Too many New York Giants, Rangers, and Mets fans here in New Jersey.)  I will be looking for prices for a small two-bedroom condo to own or rent) and a small office to lease.  Below is my new business card:

Just to make it clear, the entire picture is the business card and not just what is being typed.  I had it made by Vista Print.  I am using my campaign phone number as my business phone for now because I don’t have a regular business phone and couldn’t decide between using my cell phone or my home phone as a business phone.  I also didn’t want to get another phone just for the business because I hate phones.

Off to CPAC I Go!  If you watch on C-SPAN on either Saturday or Sunday and you hear somebody yawn, it is probably me.

February 9, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, Personal Life, politics, satire, Washington | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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