Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Me vs Them – National Security

There are two parts of national security:  What we need to do and how to do it.  All of the presidential candidates including me agree that we need to secure our borders.  The difference between us is how to go about them.

My plan is simple:  Protect our borders.  Army bases along the borders with Canada and Mexico.  Naval bases along the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans and throughout Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes.  Pull the troops out of other countries.  They can protect their own borders.

Barack Obama’s plan is more complex:  Have our troops fighting wars overseas.  Add a troop or two from other countries and call it a “NATO Mission.”

Most of the Republican candidates have a plan similar to President Obama’s plan.  The biggest difference is that they wouldn’t have foreigners in an American military unit.  Ron Paul’s plan is closer to mine than to the other Republicans’ plans, but I doubt he would have the troop concentration along Canada that I would.

The TSA is another part of National Security.  Many of the candidates feel that TSA agents have to grope airport passengers to make the country safer.  I don’t feel safer when a guy touches my junk.  I would have the passenger touch his or her own junk in front of the TSA agent of his or her own choosing,The agent can instruct how to touch (for those who don’t know how to touch themselves.)

America needs to be safe again.  Securing the borders does this.  Having those who are supposed to protect us fighting in the Middle East does not.  Neither does being groped by a stranger.

This post is part of the “Me vs. Them” series.  Come back often to see the entire series.

May 29, 2011 Posted by | campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , | 5 Comments

The “Press Freedom Act”

President Obama signed into law yesterday the “Press Freedom Act”.  This makes the State Department have to add a summary of press freedoms in other countries in addition to other things the State Department reports on.

I wonder if the State Department will be monitoring press freedoms in the United States.  If they are, we are off to a poor start as President Obama would not answer any questions after meeting the press about the “Press Freedom Act.”

This is where President Obama and I are different.  I would have shown that America is the champion of press freedoms.  I wouldn’t answer every question, but I would try.  I cannot answer how I feel about the officer who arrested me on Sunday because my attorney advised me that saying, “He’s missing a few doughnuts in the head but made up for it in the body” could be used against me in the coming trial.  I also can not talk about what I did on July 17, 2007 because I promised Angie Baumowitz I wouldn’t talk about our romantic escapade.

I will be able to talk about my policies, regardless of controversy.  Some have questioned if I should do that since I am going to deal with national security issues.  My answer to that is I will run a country that will not need to do things in secret.

I am thinking that President Obama will hold his press briefing on the “Healthy Foods Act” at a fast food restaurant.  He won’t be able to field questions because he’ll be chowing down on two double cheeseburgers.

May 18, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, media, Obama, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments


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