Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

2012 in Review – January

January was a busy month for the campaign.  Debates, primaries, and caucuses dominated the month.  We learned what santorum is and hope it’s not on the carpet.  A supporter decided to come up with a definition for ahmnodt before someone from an opposing campaign did.

I learned about blowback during the New Hampshire primary.  I would have won Dixville Notch if I didn’t try to dump off Celine Dion CDs on the fine people there.  It also showed that I was once again a trendsetter in politics.

NBC had embeds for other candidates; but as part of the conspiracy to make sure I was not elected, I did not get an embed to give updates for my campaign.  The month ended with a rare correct prediction about football.

2012 came off to a good start (aside from the primaries and caucuses.)


December 20, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor | , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Origins of the Cinemafia

To find where one’s enemy gets its strength, one has to dig into the history of the enemy until one gets to the origin.  The Cinemafia has been around a lot longer than I thought.  The Cinemafia was founded in 1877 in what was then known as Menlo Park, New Jersey.   This Cinemafioso somehow has been able to become an American icon with a town named in his honor.  The person is Thomas Edison.

Thomas Edison did not invent as many things as people thought.  He had over 1,000 patents, but mostly because he marketed the inventions of his employees as his own.  Someone else would do the work and he would take the credit because he patented his employees’ inventions as his own.

This alone wouldn’t connect Edison to the Cinemafia.  Here are a few more facts about Edison for you to digest:  He was a co-founder of General Electric (GE).  GE is the parent company of NBC.  NBC wants us to think that “The Biggest Loser” and “Dateline:NBC” is entertainment.  He also has a patent on the kinectograph.  The kinectograph is the precursor to the motion picture.  It the thingie around in the 1890s that people used to look into while turning a crank to look at motion pictures.

The first pornographic films were shown on devices like this.

The Cinemafia, like other multinational corporations, have branched out into other fields to diversify their sources and to make themselves relevant across a wide variety of formats.  Today’s Cinemafia has a presence in movies, television, televangelism, and music.  Taking down the Cinemafia will not be easy, but it must be done.  Who is with me?

May 18, 2012 Posted by | campaign, commentary, editorial, entertainment, humor, media, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Here They Come!

Brace yourselves, America!  Last night I received a text from my running mate Albee Thayer that there is a superPAC in the works in Texas that plans to run anti-Ahmnodt Heare ads on television and radio in February.  Their original plan was to run an ad during the Super Bowl, but NBC nixed the ad stating they do not run political ads during the Super Bowl.

If you are looking for an internship with a major media company, Then write NBC, tell them that Ahmnodt Heare does not have an embed for his campaign and that you are willing to be that embed.

Tonight will be the last debate (8:00PM EST – CNN) the Republicans will have until February 22.  This is good news for people who have been playing drinking games during debates because their livers will finally have a chance to heal.  I am the only presidential candidate to play drinking games while debating so I am the only candidate who feels the pain.

I still haven’t gotten a microphone for my computer so production for my video and radio ads are on stand-by.  I am hoping to have them both finished this weekend.

January 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Albee, debate, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Messed Up

Last night’s show was one for the ages.  I had my A-game and the material to go along with it.  There were no technical issues.  Everything was going along smoothly.  I think I went the entire show without going “um” while looking for the word I wanted to say.  There were only two problems:

  • I forgot to hit the “Go Live” button so nobody got to watch the show live.  And…
  • I forgot to hit “Record” so nobody can see the masterpiece.
I am going to tell you my secret to show preparation:  On a half-hour show, Only five to ten minutes of it is outlined.  The rest is ad-libbed based on the audience and whatever pops in my head during the show.
For those familiar with “Sunday Night Football” on NBC, I have added my player introduction as if I was playing in the game.

January 7, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, entertainment, humor, media, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sports Programming Retards

Before you say anything, I am going to tell you how I define “retard” so my e-mail isn’t filled with hate mail.  I do not mean people who are mentally challenged.  They should not be made fun of.  I mean people who can think, but opt not to.  Those people should be made fun of, insulted, whatever it takes to get them to THINK!

The object of promoting sports is to promote the sport.  It sounds simple, but it goes over so many heads in the sports programming world.  This means putting the best games on TV and scheduling sports doubleheaders so that the second game can be seen in its entirely after the first game.

Saturday:  SNY (Sportsnet New York) had a college basketball doubleheader on their network.  The first game was Northern Colorado at Marquette at 4:00PM.  The second game was South Carolina State at Pittsburgh.  These are hardly marquee games (games this time of year are usually top-tier teams playing against weaker teams to fatten the win-loss records of the stronger team.  This is a time honored tradition.

At 6:00, Marquette was leading Northern Colorado 80-60 with five minutes remaining.  (Marquette would win 93-52.)  Instead of relieving viewers of five minutes of bad basketball, they should have switched to the South Carolina State-Pittsburgh game.  SNY ended up showing Northern Colorado fouling Marquette players so they could limit them to two point plays and try to overcome a 20-point deficit by shooting a bunch of three-point baskets.  Fouls stop the clock.  I could rant at Northern Colorado for thinking they could come back, but when one plays a game, one is never supposed to give up.)

By the time the Northern Colorado-Marquette game ended, the South Carolina State-Pittsburgh game was already halfway through the first half in a tight (at the time) game.  Pittsburgh ended up winning by a sizable margin, but they didn’t get it going until the second half.

My beef on Sunday was with CBS.  The last seven games of the season are subject to having one of the Sunday afternoon games switched to Sunday evening before a national audience on NBC.  The game NBC ended up showing last night was Baltimore at San Diego.  Rumor had it that NBC and the NFL wanted to show the New England at Denver game in that slot, but CBS and Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft nixed the deal.  I don’t know why Kraft was against it, but CBS was against it because it would have been the highest rated game with the most viewers.  The only problem is that the Patriots-Broncos game was not shown in New York City (CBS’s largest local market.)  People in New York were subject to watching the Jets get slaughtered by the Eagles.

Here is how to promote sports:

College basketball – Have a doubleheader, but schedule the games 2 1/2 hours apart.  The time between games can have a studio team who can split the time between games dissecting the previous game and previewing the upcoming game.

NFL Football – Change the late afternoon games to 4:30PM Eastern.  If there is a marquee game and a local game scheduled at the same time, sell the broadcasting rights of the local game to a television station in the local area.  There will still be a market for NFL Sunday ticket for Washington Redskins fans like me who don’t live in the market and know the Redskins aren’t going to be the marquee game very often, but still want to watch their game.

Schedule better, don’t be afraid to break away from a bad game to show another game in its entirety, and show viewers that you really want viewers.  This is my advice for the sports programming retards.

December 19, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Morning Show Blitz

I hope I didn’t get anybody’s hopes up by suggesting that I was going to be interviewed on the morning shows.  None of the morning news shows have planned on interviewing me.  But the morning shows do provide an opportunity for us to get the campaign out.

The morning shows on the three oldest broadcast networks (ABC, CBS, and NBC) all have outdoor segments.  The shows’ hosts are often outside during at least part of the show.  George Stephanopolus, Harry Smith, and Matt Lauer have all interviewed presidential candidates before.  I just need a way to get their attention without disrupting their shows.

Here is my plan:  Sign Blitz.  Have three or four signs at every show the week of August 30-September 3.  A sign at each corner and either a sign in the middle or two signs equidistant to both corners and each other.  I’d like to get to the outdoor sets at least a half-hour before the shows every morning that week.   We will all meet at the steps of St. Patrick’s Cathedral at 6:00AM and go into further details as to who will be where on each day.  I will try to attend each show each day.  The schedule I have is tentative depending on the success of the signs and if any of the anchors (or Al Roker) wish to interview me.  Below are the signs I plan on using for the shows:

I don’t know if we should use the white signs, the black signs, or both.  Notice that the web address for this website are in the middle of the sign.  I am thinking of having some of the signs (one at each show) contain the URL  of the radio show.  I will be discussing the morning show blitz in greater detail on my radio show Tuesday night.

Below is the map of the St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City.  It’s on 5th Avenue between 50th and 51st Streets.  It’s near Rockefeller Center, where “Today” is filmed.  “Good Morning America” and “CBS Early Show” are both within ten blocks and are a relatively quick walk.

If you have any comments about the color of the sign or the content (URL, candidate, etc.) then feel free to leave a comment below.

August 1, 2010 Posted by | campaign, humor, media, politics | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Attention Celtics and Flyers Fans!

If you are going to the NBA Finals tomorrow or Thursday at the TD Garden or if you’re going to the Stanley Cup Final at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia on Wednesday, please help!  This is also for those who are going to the United Center in Chicago on Friday.  (If necessary.)

I will need you to make some “Ahmnodt Heare for President” signs and give them to the people in the front row center court or center ice.  If you happen to go the game early and get contact with anybody with ABC (for basketball) or NBC (for hockey), please tell them about my campaign and that I am open for interviews.

NOTE:  If you’re going to the Celtics game, tell the person you talk to that I really, really, really like Diane Sawyer.

June 7, 2010 Posted by | campaign, humor | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments


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