Four-Year Cycles

A little over four years ago, I decided to run for President in the 2008 campaign.  I headed up to New Hampshire to campaign mainly because the primary was already over and I didn’t have to worry about any of the other candidates stealing my thunder.  I was alone in my hotel room on Valentine’s Day 2008 after a long day of campaigning.  After watching the local news, I realized that my campaign wasn’t making any traction.  I pulled out my laptop and decided to blog about my campaign.  “Alone in New Hampshire” was my first entry, four years ago today.  It was a very short entry, mostly with a rough video I had made and uploaded to YouTube.

The first month was rough.  There were days when nobody visited my website.  I kept blogging anyway, thinking that someday I would write something that people would be looking for.  My first break came when I had to cancel a portion of my campaign trip because my sea monkey passed away.  Apparently, I am not the only person who had to deal with the sudden loss of a pet.  I was suddenly getting 10-20 hits a day.

My next break came soon after the 2008 election.  Many people were disappointed with the results and wanted to see who the prospective candidates were going to be for 2012.  I had announced my intention to run in 2012 the day after the 2008 election.  I wasn’t about to spend any money on my campaign like I did in 2008.  (The $.60 I spent on copying posters proved to be futile.)  People looked for 2012 candidates on search engines and my blog was one of the first to pop up on many sites.

My biggest break came from Billy Mays.  He brought an additional 20 hits to my blog every day until his death.  In the days following his death, when people were searching Billy Mays material on the web, the average shot up to over 500 hits per day.

These numbers might not be impressive to many people (and they’re not to me), but I have learned that a large portion of that is because this is a politics blog and people don’t really like politics and will only go to a political blog when they want information (usually after people find out they’ve been screwed yet again.)

What I have learned is to expand my base.  In addition to this blog, I have a YouTube channel, a BlogTalk Radio show, a Ustream show, A Facebook and Twitter profile and also a fan page on Facebook.  Though I have expanded by leaps and bounds, this blog continues to be the backbone of my campaign and will continue to be until next January when I begin blogging from whitehouse.gov.

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My Week in Review (Thus Far)

Like everything else in life, a presidential campaign has its ups and downs.  When it’s up, you want to stay up, and when it’s down, you want to get up and stay up.  When one is down, one can either wait for a break or create an opportunity.  I have chosen the latter and will explain why I am currently in Massachusetts despite not planning on being here later in this entry.

Sunday – Ames Iowa:  I was looking for a place to talk a little bit about politics while watching football.  I was a bit scared at first about the bar near my hotel.  I wanted to root for the Broncos, but the bar was decked out in black-and-gold and had a lot of football stuff.  I thought at first it was a Steelers’ bar until  I saw a bartender wearing a Tim Tebow jersey.  I saw a few patrons walk in wearing black and gold shirts, but they had “IOWA” on the chest with a hawkeye underneath.  It turns out that the University of Iowa’s football team and the Pittsburgh Steelers have the same colors and that Iowa adopted the Steelers’ colors in the 1970s to look more llike a championship.

Monday – I was in an antique store in Iowa City when a young woman came up to me asking for my autograph.  I happily obliged.  She looked disappointed.  I asked her what was wrong.  She said she thought I was running for President.  I told her I was running for President and gave her my web address.  She then said she thought I was Vermin Supreme.

Tuesday – I went to cemeteries, morgues, and libraries through Des Moines campaigning to the deceased.  I didn’t hear any objections from the cemeteries or libraries, but the morgue said I was getting in the way of autopsies.

Wednesday – Flew from Des Moines to Manchester, New Hampshire (via Chicago, Boston, and St.Louis).  Too tired to do anything by the time I got to Manchester at 11:30PM

Thursday – rented a car and drove to Dixville Notch.  I normally like it when I leave an impression on people and they remember me the next time I see them.  Most of the people didn’t remember me from my visit in 2010, but unfortunately, a few did.  Another person thought I was Vermin Supreme and wanted a pony.

It occurred to me that the South Carolina primary is next Saturday and not this Saturday.  I have also learned that they don’t allow write-in candidates in primaries.  And Manchester is not too far from Boston (or specifically, Foxboro).  I drove to Foxboro this morning looking for people who have tickets to tomorrow’s game between the Patriots and the Broncos.  I couldn’t find anybody with tickets.  (I don’t want tickets, I just wanted people to hold signs that can be shown on TV.)  I’m now at Logan Airport awaiting for my flight home.

Blowback

Experiencing blowback is humbling.  I was the first of the 2012 candidates to visit Dixville Notch.  I was hoping that visit might have been enough to secure a win or at least get enough votes to be competitive and set the tone for today’s primary in New Hampshire.  Dixville Notch voters vote at midnight and announce their results soon after.  I did not get any votes in either the Republican or Democratic primaries.   I looked back at my campaigning notes to try to figure out why I did so poorly.  It took me a while to find it, but I found out why:  I had made a terrible faux-pas when I visited Dixville Notch.

The faux-pas involved handing out Celine Dion and William Shatner CDs when I was there.  Dixville Notch might be near Canada, but their hearts are all-American.  I don’t know if this translate into wanting to go to war with Canada, but I lost my trust after trying to unload the CDs.

I am hoping the rest of New Hampshire doesn’t find out about the debacle in Dixville Notch and I can fare well.  Not hearing my name among votes received isn’t going to help.  I will be in New Hampshire tomorrow afternoon and access the results of today’s primaries and come up with a campaign strategy to have my name and platform resonate with the people of New Hampshire.

Campaign Schedule Set

I will be back on the campaign trail next week.  I will be going to Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.  My schedule will be such as the Republican candidates will be out of these states by the time I arrive.

Iowa (Sunday – Tuesday)  I will visit Des Moines, a few “costal” cities and some farms assuming I can get over my formidophobia (fear of scarecrows).  I will also dine (as I always do) in local “Mom-and-Pop” diners to get a pulse on Iowans.

New Hampshire (Wednesday – Friday)  The days will be spent walking through towns and talking with local business people.  I will also visit a cemetery and campaign to the deceased there.  The nights will been at ski lodges shooting the breeze with ski bunnies talking about everything from politics to the dangers Justin Bieber causes on American society.  I hope to visit the shore while I am in New Hampshire (There isn’t much coastline, but there is some).

South Carolina  (Saturday – Monday)  The trip starts with flying to Charlotte, NC.  The reason why I am flying there is because Saturday is South Carolina’s Primary day and I don’t want to run into Jon Huntsman if I don’t have to.

I will be making a pilgrimage to North Myrtle Beach on Sunday morning to check out the house Vanna White lived in as a child.  I will then try to find a meetup of Vanna White supremacists in the area.  Otherwise, it will be dining at any “Mom-and-Pop” restaurants that might be opened on a Sunday.  (Alternate plan is Waffle House)

I leave South Carolina Monday morning and hope to be home Monday afternoon.

Wasted Trip

It was bad enough I passed Dixville Notch and ended up in a Canadian jail.  I had problems when I finally arrived at Dixville Notch.  Any popularity I could have had was vanished when I tried to unload the CDs and DVDs that the Chartierville police gave me.  It seems that I am not the only person who thinks that William Shatner and Celine Dion are Canadian spies.  It then dawned on me that I created a web of hypocrisy.  I was trying to pass them off as entertainers, even as I continually have said they are spies.

I apologized to the fine people of Dixville Notch for my atrocities, but the damage has been done.  They now think I am a conduit for Canadian spies infiltrating our country and it’s my own fault.  I tried to get a rally going to burn the CDs and DVDs, but there are open fire laws and could have gotten in more trouble.

I figured I could find some rebellious people on a college campus.  I drove to Dartmouth College and searched for some rebels.  A few guys standing by a tree smoking cigarettes.  They were more than willing to help me burn the stuff.  It took a while to get a good fire going, but the CDs and DVDs were soon tossed in.  We hung around by the fire for a while until some college hotties walked by.  The guys walked off with the hotties, leaving me to put out the fire by myself.  One good thing about New Hampshire is that there is plenty of snow around to put out a fire.

I will return to Dixville Notch someday.  Hopefully, the locals would have forgotten who I am and especially what I tried to do there.

Alone in New Hampshire

I am the only candidate in New Hampshire. I can go anywhere in the state and not have to worry about being mobbed in a sea of Mike Gravel supporters.

The New Hampshire citizens can be tough. Most were not impressed with my video of celebrity endorsements. I think that is because nobody in New Hampshire is famous.

I am heading home tomorrow. It’s too cold here. It would have been colder, but global warming is in full effect.