Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Getting Back in the Groove

After months of delays and after running out of excuses, I have finally moved and in the process of hitting the campaign trail.  Getting to my new house was a bit of an adventure that I never want to go through again.

My GPS is old and not terribly reliable in finding the shortest distance between two points.  Wyoming is a beautiful state, but has no business on a route between New Jersey and Delaware.  I also manage to be lead on some unpaved roads.

I managed to get here late last night.  It wasn’t until after I unloaded everything this morning that I realized I had forgotten a few things.  I remembered to bring food, but none of the pots, pans, or dishes.  The on;y reason why I remembered the silverware was because I had placed them in my toiletries bag.  New Jersey is where my pots, pans, toothpaste, toothbrush, and shampoo are.  I remembered the conditioner, but I forgot why I remembered.

It’s nice to be able to walk around town wearing a Washington Redskins jersey without being heckled by a rival team’s fans whose team is currently 0-5.

I will be giving a speech tomorrow on the Affordable Care Act (ObamaCare) and why nobody seems to be able to afford it.  Coffee and pastries will be served (but you will have to pay for the coffee and pastries you consume because that is how the diner operates.)

October 10, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, health care, humor, Obama, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Things Left Unsaid

A presidential candidate often gives his (or her) opinion on many subjects.  Not all subjects involve politics.  As important as it is for me to talk about the issues of the day, it is equally important to know when NOT to comment.

One of the things I cannot comment on while I am running for President is how awful drivers are here in New Jersey.  It is especially unwise to mention how bad New Jersey drivers are while I am still living in New Jersey.  So I will refrain from mentioning how often they tailgate.  Some of them are so close that I can tell the color of their eyes.  As a general rule, I don’t want to know anything about the appearance of the driver behind me.  Mentioning little things like they like driving in parking lots like they’re freeways is a no-no. The fact that they tend to think that directional signals are optional would be huge faux-pas.  I will not comment on how New Jersey drivers pay the highest auto insurance rates FOR A REASON!

For the reasons listed above, I will be keeping my opinion of how people in New Jersey drive to myself.

May 24, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial | , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Transitions

I am undergoing a series of transitions in my life.  The whole process should take a couple months.  It could take a lot less time if things break my way.  I am in the process of moving to Maryland.  Below are the reasons:

  • My parents are not doing well.  My mother suffered a stroke and has yet to fully recover.  My father becomes lost when he has to cook his own meals.   
  • Every time it was my weekend for custody of my daughter, I have been reminded that it is winter.  This weekend is supposed to be freezing rain.
  • Cigarettes are cheaper in Maryland.  They’re expensive in New Jersey and I would need a loan to buy a pack in New York City.  If I am doing business in Virginia, I could buy cigarettes for dirt cheap compared to what I currently pay.
  • My business is slowing down here.  Many small businesses are closing and few new ones are starting up.  I do not know how I will fare businesswise in Maryland, but most of my current clients are set up that I can work from home with minimal trips back to New Jersey.
  • Lottery tickets have a better payout in Maryland.  Funds for the lottery in both states go towards education.  I have always been someone who demands a good return on my investments.  Since our children aren’t getting any smarter, the only other payout is winning on tickets.  Maryland lottery tickets offers more winners than New Jersey does.

For those who are wondering about what the “sequester” talk is in Washington, I think I can make it easier to understand.  The $100 billion in “spending cuts” means that government will increase spending by $100 billion instead of $200 billion.  Programs will be cut so the government can continue to spend money on projects that benefit their friends.

I hope the transition time is short.  I miss blogging and campaigning.  Have a good weekend from the entire Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign team!

February 22, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, education, issues, Personal Life | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Transitions

The Sandy Controversy

A lot of Hurricane Sandy doesn’t make sense, especially when compared to similar hurricanes that have gone up the Atlantic coastline in the past.  Here are a few reasons why I think Sandy is a manufactured storm created by the government:

  • Most hurricanes stay away from cold fronts.  Sandy is expected to make a head-on collision with a cold front currently in eastern Ohio.
  • The air temperature in the days before a hurricane is usually warmer than normal and the air is normally oppressively humid.  The temperature has been below normal for the last few days and the air isn’t very humid.
  • The unemployment rate in New Jersey is currently 9.8%.  The entire state is expected to be devastated by Sandy.  A lot of people will be needed with the cleanup and rebuilding.  A classic case of “Broken Windows Economics”.
  • Election Day is a week from Tuesday.  With all of these people getting jobs, the October jobs report to be released Friday morning will show an increase in employment (largely due to cleanup and restoration due to Sandy.)

Other “coincidences” include the hurricane making landfall during an astronomical high time.  There will be a prolonged saturation of rain and wind in an area that is already oversaturated by recent rains.  This will lead to downed trees and power lines, closed roads, and a prolonged period away from the nudie bar.

I’m not normally big on conspiracy theories, but I can’t help but think that this is president Obama’s “October Surprise” and that the Cinemafia was instrumental in helping Obama in a diabolical scheme to see that I do not get elected President.

October 28, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, cinemafia, commentary, economy, humor, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Weekend in Review

I am not sure what to make of the last week.  Things did not go as planned, but i was able to give an impromptu speech in front of 200 people at a wedding reception I crashed in Cape May, New Jersey.  The reason why I crashed the wedding reception was because I crashed their wedding.  Rick and Melodi had their wedding on the beach.  I was walking on the beach and saw a bunch of chairs on the beach.  I was getting tired from walking on the beach and wearing a suit that I wore for a couple rallies indoors in air-conditioning.

The weird part about the wedding and reception is that I was able to blend in despite nobody knowing who I am.  (I found out late in the reception that one of the groom’s ushers was a frequent listener to my radio show.   The bride’s aunt once dated my running mate while they were in college in the late 1970s.  Neither the bride or groom had no idea who I was or why I was there.  I felt a bit guilty as I was having a good time, so I gave them a check as a wedding gift and invited them to a barbecue at my place on Labor Day.

I was a gentleman and refrained from discussing politics during the wedding and reception.  I wouldn’t have discussed it at the after-party either except that people were wondering who I was and what I did for a living.  I don’t know if anybody at the wedding will vote for me, but I did get a new client for my business and I will be in Trenton next week working (and campaigning.)

99 days until Election Day.  Tell all of your friends and at least one enemy about Ahmnodt Heare!  copy and paste this link “http://tinyurl.com/ahmnodt” as your status on Facebook and let’s get this ball rolling!

July 30, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Albee, campaign, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Day to Travel

Today starts the three-week stretch that I have my daughter.  I thought it was hot in New Jersey when I left this morning.  It was supposed to in the mid-90’s there.  That was tundra compared to the temperature in Washington DC this afternoon.  The air was so hot, it felt like smoking an ultra-light cigarette just breathing.  When I went to get the mail for my parents, I burned my fingertips opening up the mailbox.

My normal protocol is to spend the weekend at my parents and head home either Sunday night or Monday morning.  Not this time.  I headed out as soon as Patricia was dropped off at my parents’.  I left my car at my parents because of fears of overheating.  Patricia and I took a cab to the airport.  The cab had no air conditioning.  By the smell of the cab, the driver must have been driving all day.

I rented a car when I got to the airport.  (I rented the car at the airport because their cars are under canopies which at least offered shade.  All of those “It’s so hot (How hot is it?)” jokes were understatements.  My eyeballs were sweating!  It was hotter outside than it was in the sauna I relaxed in yesterday after my five laps in the hot tub.  It gets hot in DC, but this was brutal.  I don’t recall it ever getting this hot in DC before.  It got this hot when I lived in North Carolina, but it was in the country.  There wasn’t the bombardment of heat reflections from buildings and sidewalks.  There wasn’t the feeling that I was walking into a walking convection oven.  Patricia and I are in New Jersey in my condo.  It’s 83 degrees here, but I am shivering compared to what I went to today.

Today made me look at my platform on global warming.  There isn’t too much I can do about it right now since I do not have access to nuclear weapons to aim at the sun.  And I don’t have a snowball’s chance in DC of getting any.  The only thing I can do is not be so gung-ho on encouraging global warming in the winter when it is cold.  I can use some snow right about now.

June 29, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s Now Official*

*(Or is it?)

Mitt Romney won Texas last night which gives him enough delegates to clinch the Republican nomination.  There is one problem with this assumption:  Delegates are not obligated to vote for the candidate to whom they are assigned.  This is not the case.  In fact many of delegates Mitt Romney “won” are really Ron Paul supporters.

This brings me to the next stage of my campaign.  New Jersey and California are among the states yet to hold their primaries or caucuses.  If you are a Republican or Democrat, feel free to vote for the candidate of your choice if you also get to vote for delegates.  If you also get to vote for delegates in New Jersey, write in “Ahmnodt Heare” as a delegate in the party of your choice.  If you live in California (or another state who hasn’t voted yet) and you are an Ahmnodt Heare supporter, feel free to write your name in.  Send an e-mail to ahmnodtheare@politician.com and I will spread the word that you are a delegate for the Ahmnodt Heare campaign.

My next plan of action will be to talk to the delegates who are already assigned and persuade them to vote for me at the convention.  If my plan works, I will be the Republican AND the Democratic candidate.  If I can get on the ballot as the Republican and Democratic candidate, then you won’t have to learn how to spell “Ahmnodt Heare.”

May 30, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Democrats, election, humor, politics, satire, voting, write-in | , , , , , | 4 Comments

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