Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

2012 NFL Season – Week 1

2011 Season: 122-123-9 (.498) Best Bets: 24-19-1 (.557)

Here we go again… Another NFL season ahead of us. Questions to be asked include: “Can the Giants repeat as Super Bowl Champs?” “How will the rookie quarterbacks fare?” “Will the New York Jets score a touchdown?” and “Will the replacement referees blow a call that will change the outcome of a game?” My answers are: “No.”, “Well enough to be a positive impact”, “Yes.” and “Yes.” Today’s picks are being made on a Monday, but the rest of the season, the picks will be made by 3:00PM (Eastern) on Thursday afternoons. There will be Thursday night football every week except for this week with a Wednesday night game. (The game was moved to Wednesday so more people will watch President Obama’s speech.) I canceled my Wednesday night appearance so I can watch football.

Without further ado:; here are my picks for Week 1:

NFL Point Spreads For Week 1 – Week One NFL Football Point Spread – NFL Spreads 9/5 – 9/10, 2012
Date & Time Favorite Spread Underdog
9/5 8:30 ET At NY Giants -4 Dallas
9/9 1:00 ET At Chicago -9.5 Indianapolis
9/9 1:00 ET Philadelphia -8 At Cleveland
9/9 1:00 ET At NY Jets -3 Buffalo
9/9 1:00 ET At New Orleans -9 Washington
9/9 1:00 ET New England -6.5 At Tennessee
9/9 1:00 ET At Minnesota -4 Jacksonville
9/9 1:00 ET At Houston -11 Miami
9/9 1:00 ET At Detroit -8 St. Louis
9/9 1:00 ET Atlanta -2.5 At Kansas City
9/9 4:25 ET At Green Bay -5.5 San Francisco
9/9 4:25 ET Carolina -2.5 At Tampa Bay
9/9 4:25 ET Seattle -2.5 At Arizona
9/9 8:25 ET At Denver -1 Pittsburgh

   Monday Night Football Point Spread

9/10 7:00 ET At Baltimore -6 Cincinnati
9/10 10:15 ET San Diego -1 At Oakland

Projected winners against the point spread in Bold – Best bets in Italics

September 3, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, NFL Picks, Obama, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on 2012 NFL Season – Week 1

Potpourri

I am having a hard time spending time writing on any one subject largely due to my mother still being here.  If Mitt Romney is the “Etch-a-Sketch” candidate then I am the “Lite-Brite” candidate.  I always say the same thing, but how pretty the message us depends on the colors of the bulbs.

Global Warming – I don’t normally start fighting it until Memorial Day weekend.  I might have to start fighting it soon though.  Today’s high was 77°F (The normal high in northwestern New Jersey on March 22 is 49F°.)

Tim Tebow – For the first time since Joe Namath was a Jet, there are Jets fans west of the Delaware River.  The Jets might not make the Super Bowl even with Tebow, but people are suddenly buying Jets jerseys.  The Broncos bandwagon is now being painted green and white.

Meetings – This week’s campaign meetings were held telepathically.  I have found a Ouija board to be helpful in getting the messages that I miss.

Zombies – I am not sure they are going to be the demographic that I was hoping they would be.  It seems that the Republicans have been campaigning for their votes with the zombie vote being split between Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.  Mitt Romney is still getting the vampire vote.

NCAA Tournament – My bracket has more red ink than a federal budget.  No further comment is necessary.

I am trying to talk to my father into coming up tomorrow for the weekend.  I don’t want my mother to know that he might be coming up.  (Mom, if you’re reading this, read something else and resume at the next paragraph.)  If this works, I can get back to normal on Monday.  I have to call my father and ask him to pick up my daughter even though my daughter is afraid of him.

Mom, this is where you can resume reading.  You had no business reading the last two sentences of the previous paragraph.  I’ll be done in the morning on business.  If I finish soon enough, I will be going to Washington to pick up Patricia.

I will be doing some campaigning this weekend.  Where I campaign depends on whether my daughter is here or not.  Her ninth birthday was last weekend and I wasn’t allowed to see her so I get her this weekend.  I bought her a cell phone for her birthday so she can work the phone bank for the campaign.  She has an irresistible voice and might be able to get more people to vote for me than the zombies.

I’ll be there in a minute, Mom! …

March 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, Personal Life, Republicans, satire, Washington | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Another Reason to Hate the Dallas Cowboys

I am a Washington Redskins fan.  Hating the Cowboys is as natural as walking or picking scabs off of my mother’s face.  Most of my hatred of the Cowboys has come from the many games the Redskins have played the Cowboys over the years.  The Cowboys cheat.  (If you don’t believe me, ask any New York Giants or Philadelphia Eagles fan.)

The United States has gone downhill since the Cowboys were given the moniker of “America’s Team.”  This is a totally inaccurate assessment.  The capitol of America is not in Dallas, it’s in Washington, DC.  Rather than proclaim the Redskins as America’s team, I will say that America has 30 7/8 teams.  (Dallas is a bad example of America and the Buffalo Bills play a home game in Toronto.)

The latest reason to hate the Dallas Cowboys has nothing to do with the Redskins.  For that matter, it has nothing to do with any team in the NFC.  The reason why we should hate the Cowboys now is because of their fans.  Say what you want about fans of the Eagles, New York Yankees, and Justin Bieber, but even they wouldn’t use a taser on fans of another team.

This incident occurred on September 11, 2011 during a game between the Dallas Cowboys and the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey.  The Cowboy fan (wearing a DeMarcus Ware jersey) tasered a Jets fan after the Jets fan heckled him for not standing for the National Anthem on September 11 at a place where one could see where the Twin Towers used to stand.)

The worst part of this is that for now on, when attending an NFL game in any stadium, fans will be subject to a TSA-style screening and having their privates felt to make sure said privates are not a taser. Thanks to “America’s Team” and their fans, going to a game will be like going to an airport (being groped by middle-aged ugly guys and dealing with excess baggage.)

September 21, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

NFL 2009 Conference Championships Predictions

Last week: 2-2  Season: 5-3

Last week I correctly predicted both AFC Divisional Round games while I sucked wind picking the NFC games.  I can assure you that I will not get any more games wrong this week than I did last week.

New York Jets (11-7) (+7.5) at Indianapolis (15-2) 3:00PM Eastern

The Jets did an amazing job holding the Chargers to 14 points.  The Colts’ offense is similar, but Peyton Manning has more experience.  The Jets will win and go to the Super Bowl because they can run on the Colts better than the Colts can run on the Jets.  Take the Jets and the points.

Minnesota Vikings (13-4) (+4)at New Orleans Saints (14-3) 6:40PM Eastern

A lot of people want to see Brett Favre win a Super Bowl.  Few of those people will be in the Superdome as Saints fans will be loud and stuff.  The Saints will bury some of the past hauntings of New Orleans (Hurricane Katrina, Harry Connick, Jr., etc. ) and finally go to a Super Bowl.  Take the Saints and give the points.

January 21, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on NFL 2009 Conference Championships Predictions

NFL 2009 Division Round Playoffs

I actually had a good week picking last week’s games, going 3-1.  After getting the Jets-Bengals game wrong to start the weekend, I rung up three consecutive wins.  If I keep this up, I could replace Frank Caliendo on Fox’s Pre-Game show or Elinor Clift on The McLaughlin Group.

Arizona Cardinals (+7) at New Orleans Saints

What happens when two high-powered offenses collide?  The game usually becomes a defensive struggle.  The Saints will probably win it, but it will be low scoring enough for the Cardinals to cover.  Take the Cardinals and the points.

Baltimore Ravens (+6.5) at Indianapolis Colts

The focus will be on the Colts’ high octane offense against the Ravens’ stifling defense.  The game will be decided though on the Colts’ unheralded defense stopping Ray Rice and flustering Joe Flacco often enough to force him to turn the ball and the Colts defense scoring a touchdown.  Take the Colts and give the points.

Dallas Cowboys (+3) at Minnesota Vikings

The Vikings struggled at the end of the season while the Cowboys picked up steam.  The football gods will rub more salt into Redskins’ fans wounds and make the Cowboys win in a laughter.  Take the Cowboys and the points.

New York Jets (+7) at San Diego Chargers

Both teams come into this game as hot as global warming the sun.  Mark Sanchez returns to the state where he was born and raised.  He’ll do the things that need to be done to allow the Jets to win. (Hand the ball off to Thomas Jones, throw a screen pass to Thomas Jones, etc.)  Take the Jets and the points.

Last week: 3-1  Playoffs: 3-1

January 14, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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