Mish-Mash of Stuff
These last few days have (for the most part) been unexpectedly busy. A sporadic internet connection and an aging laptop didn’t help matters. It didn’t matter much because I wasn’t home much except to sleep, shower, and the occasional poop.
Sunday – My campaign manager and a few of his friends somehow managed me to go to a Newt Gingrich meetup group in Warwick, NY. The five of us outnumbered the three who showed up for the Gingrich meetup. We were able to get one of them to quit supporting Gingrich and support my campaign. The other two (an elderly couple) accused us of brainwashing their 53-year-old son. If speaking the truth about Newt Gingrich’s record is brainwashing, then I suppose we were guilty.
Monday – I had a 9:30 business meeting with a client at his office. I arrived at his office at 9:28 and waited in the waiting area. There was a lot of commotion past the waiting room, but I couldn’t figure out what was going on. At 11:00, I was told to return at 3:00. The meeting did not last long. The client was informed that I was running for President and told me he was no longer interested in my services. When asked why, he gave the excuse that he felt my campaign would take away time from the project. I told him I have been running since 2008 and had no problems with any projects from any of my clients in the past. He didn’t to hear it and requested that I leave. I noticed when I was in a parking lot that there was a car in his parking spot with a “Romney 2012” bumper sticker.
Tuesday – I went to the doctor’s for the test results from the previous tests that had to be taken over. The good news is that I am finally cured from Simple Chronic Halitosis. The bad news is that I have been diagnosed with COPD (Emphysema). The doctor said that it was a result of smoking and sniffing glue. I will never smoke while sniffing glue again. I have learned my lesson.
Wednesday – Wrote this blog entry and started catching up on lost work. I should be finished catching up tomorrow.
The Jokes Are on Me
I love April Fools’ Day. (At least when I am the one pulling the jokes, like in 2009 and 2010.) It is a bit harder to love when I am the victim of jokes. I didn’t pull any jokes last year and I didn’t plan on pulling any jokes this year. I won’t pull any jokes this year because I haven’t spent the time required to make it a good joke.
Two jokes have been pulled on me already this year. The first joke was a phone call I received a few hours ago from somebody claiming to be from the “Winning Our Future” SuperPAC. The caller claimed that Sheldon Adelson is tired of wasting money on Newt Gingrich and was hoping for a different candidate to back. My Spidey senses didn’t tingle. I thought supporting me and voting for me would be “winning our future.” It turns out to be an April Fools’ Day joke. It was some guy pulling a prank.
I also found out the hard way that there is no annual Spring Day Parade anywhere in the Albany, NY area. I found out from a local in the area that a Lyndon LaRouche supporter did not like that LaRouch wasn’t getting any press coverage and wanted to get revenge at everybody who was getting coverage. (I haven’t gotten any press coverage for the campaign and the only mention I have gotten on TV was from apolitical tweets of mine that were read on TV and subliminal messages in some TV ads. )
Today is basically shot. I’m back at the hotel about to take a nap. I’ll figure out some kind of impromptu campaign event when I wake up.
My Take on the Republican Race for President
Current Delegate Count (as of 3/26/2012)
Romney – 568
Santorum – 273
Gingrich – 135
Paul – 50
Heare* – 0
*Not a Republican
Continuing the Republican Primary race until June would be more exciting if the race was close. Romney has double the delegates of Santorum, who has double the delegates of Gingrich, who has double the delegates of Paul, who has double the delegates of Heare, who has as many Republican delegates as Barack Obama.
Barring a major scandal, Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee for President. Most political pundits will tell you that who becomes President depends on who is the better candidate. There is a truth in that in elections that neither candidate is an incumbent. What matters in the elections with an incumbent is the state of the country. If the country is in bad shape, then anybody can beat the incumbent. The incumbent can beat anybody if the country is in great shape.
My chances are better because the country is not in very good shape. The economy is still improving, but will stall when gas hits $4.50/gallon in May. Crime is down right now but will increase with the increase in gas prices. Justin Bieber is still in this country. (As a reminder, I am the only candidate who has discussed the importance of deporting Bieber.)
There will be no more debates. This helps Romney more than the other candidates because he’ll be on TV live less and fewer people will see his blunders. This hurts Ron Paul the most because he was getting the fewest questions during the debates. He tended to get more votes in primaries and caucuses following a debate. I am the same way, which is why I wasn’t even invited to debate.
Instead of the Republican race being a tightrope event waiting to see if the tightrope walker can get to the other side, it’s the last days of a terminally ill patient that Americans are watching and hoping for the best.
Potpourri
I am having a hard time spending time writing on any one subject largely due to my mother still being here. If Mitt Romney is the “Etch-a-Sketch” candidate then I am the “Lite-Brite” candidate. I always say the same thing, but how pretty the message us depends on the colors of the bulbs.
Global Warming – I don’t normally start fighting it until Memorial Day weekend. I might have to start fighting it soon though. Today’s high was 77°F (The normal high in northwestern New Jersey on March 22 is 49F°.)
Tim Tebow – For the first time since Joe Namath was a Jet, there are Jets fans west of the Delaware River. The Jets might not make the Super Bowl even with Tebow, but people are suddenly buying Jets jerseys. The Broncos bandwagon is now being painted green and white.
Meetings – This week’s campaign meetings were held telepathically. I have found a Ouija board to be helpful in getting the messages that I miss.
Zombies – I am not sure they are going to be the demographic that I was hoping they would be. It seems that the Republicans have been campaigning for their votes with the zombie vote being split between Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. Mitt Romney is still getting the vampire vote.
NCAA Tournament – My bracket has more red ink than a federal budget. No further comment is necessary.
I am trying to talk to my father into coming up tomorrow for the weekend. I don’t want my mother to know that he might be coming up. (Mom, if you’re reading this, read something else and resume at the next paragraph.) If this works, I can get back to normal on Monday. I have to call my father and ask him to pick up my daughter even though my daughter is afraid of him.
Mom, this is where you can resume reading. You had no business reading the last two sentences of the previous paragraph. I’ll be done in the morning on business. If I finish soon enough, I will be going to Washington to pick up Patricia.
I will be doing some campaigning this weekend. Where I campaign depends on whether my daughter is here or not. Her ninth birthday was last weekend and I wasn’t allowed to see her so I get her this weekend. I bought her a cell phone for her birthday so she can work the phone bank for the campaign. She has an irresistible voice and might be able to get more people to vote for me than the zombies.
I’ll be there in a minute, Mom! …
Not Quite the Same
My father, daughter, and I arrived at CPAC at around 3:ooPM. I missed Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney speak, but Newt Gingrich was scheduled to speak at 4:00. My father walked around the exhibits while Patricia and I sat and listened to speeches given by people I don’t know. We stayed mostly to make sure my father had a seat for Gingrich’s speech.
My father arrived about ten minutes before the start of the speech. He told us that he met Mitt Romney’s campaign manager and that we were going to have dinner with Romney. It was a bigger deal for him than it was for either me or Patricia. My dad is a lifelong Republican and only voted for me in 2008 because Romney did not get the nomination. Part of the reason why I am at CPAC this weekend is because I wanted to get a feel and see if anybody can beat Romney. I wanted to listen to Newt Gingrich speak and possibly offer a critique on how he can get more Republicans to vote for him in primaries. It’s this reason that I will refrain from using the phrase “The Newtered One” until he has either withdrawn or clinches the nomination.
After Newt’s speech, we headed back to my father’s to see if my mother wanted to join us. (She is as staunch a Democrat as my father is a Republican.) She had the same look I gave a college friend when he told me we were going to see Benny Hill perform in Orlando. It turned out to be Benny Hinn.
We arrived at Founding Farmers restaurant at about 6:30. The four of us sat at a table set for five in anticipation of our guest. We were talking among ourselves when a short, stout, balding blond gentleman approached us.
“I believe you were waiting for me.” he said.
“Actually,” my father replied, “We’re waiting for Mitt Romney.”
“You must have misunderstood my campaign manager. My name is Mitch Rodney and I am also running for President.”
Mitch Rodney. I ended up going through the motions. I had no idea what we talked about or what I ordered or ate. Mitch Rodney.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
An Invitation for Santorum Supporters
Former Senator Rick Santorum suspended his campaign yesterday. The media is painting this as a Romney victory for the GOP nomination. It is much more than that.
Many of Rick Santorum’s supporters feel disenfranchised now that their man is out of the running. They don’t really like Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul. They also feel that Mitt Romney is an Obama-like Republican and they will be hesitant to vote for him in the general election.
It is this reason that I invite Rick Santorum supporters to join my campaign and vote for me in November. I am neither Mitt Romney nor Barack Obama. I don’t believe that health insurance should be mandated at any level of government. I would not have bailed out the banks or failing companies.
There are some differences between Senator Santorum and myself. I do not look dapper wearing a sweater vest. My name is not yet a household name (or outhousehold name.) I don’t have anything named after me.
If you want a better America than what either Mitt Romney or Barack Obama are offering, then I invite you to join my campaign and to vote for me in November. Together we can do this!
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April 11, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | campaign, commentary, editorial, election, health care, humor, Obama, politics, satire | bailouts, household name., mandated insurance, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul | 8 Comments