Getting Dirty

To my long-time supporters:  I apologize for what I am about to write.  This message isn’t for the supporters who have helped this campaign grow.  This is for the people who support other candidates (Most notably Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, and Newt Gingrich.)  I am writing this because while my supporters will vote for me because they like me, most people will vote for someone else because their candidate isn’t “the other guy.”  After all, I’m not Obama, Romney, nor Gingrich either.

Barack Obama has been appointing people to government positions who were lobbyists for companies who financially supported his 2008 campaign and will more than likely support his 2012 campaign (Unless they are one of those companies that went bankrupt despite all that Obama has done for them.)

Mitt Romney said he doesn’t care about the very poor or the very rich.  I care about the very rich.  They throw some of the best parties and I will remember them when I become President.

Newt Gingrich all but admitted that the Cinemafia is funding a large portion of his campaign last night.  During a speech, he snipped at me saying, “Ahmnodt running for ‘Entertainer-in-Chief’.”  I am running for President of the United States.  One the things that the president should do is to make sure Americans have affordable quality entertainment.  But I have also addressed jobs, energy, abortion, privacy rights, “Vanna White Day”, and many other issues.

So vote for me because I’m not one of them.  If that’s not good enough, then vote for me because I am a nice guy with ideas to make America a better place to live for you.

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One More Debate

If there is anything worse than the lack of quality Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates, it’s the lack of quality in Presidential debate moderators.  Tomorrow is another chance to be proven wrong.  There will be a debate on CNN tomorrow night at 8:00PM Eastern.  Once again, I will be taking my ever-sharpened debating skills to Twitter.  I don’t know why candidates have so many problems keeping their answers under one minute when I can keep my answers under 140 characters with hashtags added for effect.

I do not know who will be asking the questions on CNN, but here is a guideline they can use to look competent:

• Know the issues that affect the voters – People don’t want to know how many wives Newt Gingrich has had or how much money Ahmnodt Heare pays for a lap dance.  They want the important issues:  Jobs, the economy, and affordable entertainment.
• Realize that Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are not the only candidates on the stage.  Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are there too.  I doubt they are taking time out of their busy schedules to go watch Mitt and Newt debate.
• Know something about the candidates on stage and use questions accordingly.  If you’re going to ask the business man questions about economics, wouldn’t it make sense to ask the OB/GYN questions about health care?  If I was debating, I would expect this former movie theater manager to be included in discussions about affordable entertainment.

If tomorrow night’s debate becomes yet another “Mitt and Newt Show” with a bunch of subjects that have nothing to do with running a country, I will take steps in getting people to boycott Time-Warner (CNN’s parent company).  This includes Time, Warner Brothers (whom I’m already boycotting – damned Cinemafiosos), and Time-Warner Cable.

I anticipate that CNN will remember what professional journalism is all about tomorrow night when they host the debate.  And that they will remember to include Buddy Roemer, Vermin Supreme, and Ahmnodt Heare in future debates so that Americans will have more choices (including a few that don’t suck.)

The Fix is In!

The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina.  Below are the results:

	Gingrich	40.4%	243,153
	Romney	27.8%	167,279
	Santorum	17.0%	102,055
	Paul	13.0%	77,993
	Cain	1.1%	6,324
	Perry	0.4%	2,494
	Huntsman	0.2%	1,161
	Bachmann	0.1%	494

Results courtesy of Google Politics

The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points?  Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week.  After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs.  One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc.  Yet he managed to win big.

The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted.  I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic.  One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul.  South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for.  She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people.  I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state.  That should have helped me get more votes.  If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.

I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!

Pardon the Rabble

I have a few things going against me today:

• I have a stomach virus – I won’t go into any detail because some people like to eat while reading blogs.
• The microphone I was using for my upcoming ad malfunctioned during production. – I’m hoping to put the video up tomorrow.
• Rick Perry suspended his campaign.  I was hoping that I could have garnered his supporters.  He decided to endorse the Newtered One instead.
• The Newtered One wanted an open marriage. I am wondering if Callista feels the same way.  Tell her I can be reached at (507)- AHMNODT.

Despite feeling near death as I am writing this, I will be be offering my insight to tonight’s debate.  Yes there is yet another debate.  Yes I know I wasn’t invited to yet another debate.  I even know that a lot of the humor factor has been taken out now that Rick Perry will not be debating.  This is the duty anybody seriously running for President must do.  My insight will be on Twitter and Facebook.

I’m off to take care of some errands and to take a quick nap before the debate.  I’m not sure of the time or channel of the debate, but I think it’s CNN at 8:00PM Eastern.

What I Learned From Last Night’s Debate

I learned a few things from watching last night’s debate on Fox News.  I am sure the hundreds of others who watched learned a thing or two also.  Below is what I learned from the debate:

• Fox News did not use a bell to signal a candidate that his time has expired.  People might confused it for a bell of liberty and Fox News will have none of that.
• Newt Gingrich can go an entire debate without attacking the media.
• South Carolinians hate the “Golden Rule” but they like the “Golden Shower.”
• Fox News encouraged viewers to tweet followed by #dodge or #answer following a candidate’s answer.  #dodge trended all night.  #answer never trended.
• The issue of the debt and deficit spending was not a big issue.  Mainly because none who support attacking Iran can explain how to pay for it with accumulating additional debt.

I was asked who won last night’s debate.  The answer if anybody watched would be obvious.  The answer is the alcohol industry.  Between the drinking games people play while watching debates and the heavy drinking people do when pondering that either one of these people or Barack Obama could win the election.

Negotiations are currently underway for a special debate that will include me.  I will give more information once things are confirmed.  It is currently scheduled for Saturday January 28 at 6:00PM Eastern on my BlogTalk Radio show.

How I View Other Candidates

I look at the candidates who are running for President and conclude that I must run for President.  People need a good choice.  This entry isn’t about me as much as how I see the other candidates and why I can’t vote for the other candidates.

Barack Obama (D) – Incumbent – When he was pushing “Hope and Change”, I was hoping for hope and change.  We didn’t get that, but we did get George W. Bush’s third term.

Mitt Romney (R) – The resident snake oil / used car salesman.  I’m waiting for him to say, “What will it take to get you to vote for me today?”

Newt Gingrich (R) – aka “The Newtered One” – The snake from which Romney gets his oil to sell.  Gingrich is like the weather in Cleveland:  If you don’t like his platform, wait five minutes.  And like the Cleveland weather, it probably won’t be better, but it will change.

Ron Paul – (R) – Actually a pretty good candidate for a Republican, but will be best known as the candidate whose exposure on TV was mostly about how he doesn’t get exposure on TV.

Michele Bachmann – (R) – A rather simple debate strategy: “Barack Obama has failed at _______.”  As a foster mother of over 20 children, I envision her as putting bad people in a “time-out corner” with that corner in the United States being in northeastern Maine in the winter.

Rick Santorum – (R) – A man of faith whose mission is to declare war on Syria and Iran in the name of the “Prince of Peace.”  I don’t think Jesus approves of all the wars.

Rick Perry – (R) – He is the weird uncle that always shows up at family functions.

Jon Huntsman – (R) – A reasonable man with a couple of good ideas and some hot daughters.  The type of candidate people say they want, but end up voting for people with bad ideas like Obama, Romney, and Gingrich.

Gary Johnson (R) – The 2012 version of Ron Paul in 2008.  A libertarian messenger who doesn’t get to debate often.

Buddy Roemer (R) – The family member who has been misowned by the rest of the family.

Wayne Allyn Root (L) – He is trying to Republicanize the Libertarian Party.  He is a morph of Mitt Romney the salesman and Michele Bachmann the debater.

R. Lee Wrights (L) – A libertarian candidate in the Libertarian Party.  He’d eat smarty-pants Gingrich for lunch in a debate based on the writings of Wrights I have read.  A good man, but his party tends to shoot itself in the foot when it comes to political strategy.

Cynthia McKinney (G?) – A former Democratic Congresswoman who is not afraid to take on the establishment.  Painted as a “whacko” because the establishment does not like people who challenge it.

Jimmy McMillan (RITDH) – Stalking on his political opponents quietly and waiting for his moment to pounce.  Reminded America that the rent is too damned high.

Ahmnodt Heare (I) – An average guy who is trying to take money out of politics by not accepting donations and not spending money on the campaign.

There is the tale of the tape.  Vote wisely for me.

My Chances Just Got Much Better!

I’m not showing up in any polls besides the Oudda Poll (which is ran by my mother).  I haven’t gotten invited to any debates.  My media exposure has been limited to a tweet read on MSNBC and two tweets read on the local news.  These truths have been huge obstacles in my campaign.

There are good signs from non-traditional sources.  My internet presence continues to grow.  More people are talking about me in conversations with other people.  Some men tell women that they know me as a pick-up line in bars.  (This is ironic because that line works better than when I tell women that I AM Ahmnodt Heare.)  I have been offered Secret Service protection.  (I declined because I don’t like it when others look cooler in sunglasses than I do.)

The race has been narrowed down between me and President Obama.  This is because I am not a Republican invited to the “Kiss-of-Death” debate on December 27 in Des Moines.  It is not the kiss of death because it’s in Des Moines.  It is a fine city,  I have been there in the past.  It is the kiss of death because of the moderator, Donald Trump.

The reason why Donald Trump is the “Kiss of Death” is simple.  Every time a candidate goes to visit Donald Trump in search of an endorsement, he or she drops in the polls like a rock off the Empire State Building.  It started with Sarah Palin.  She isn’t even running any more.  Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain have all seen the Donald with similar results:  A rapid freefall from the polls has resulted every time.  Newt Gingrich is scheduled to meet him on Monday.

I will be declining that debate and any invitation to visit Donald Trump.  Victory is mine!