Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Fix is In!

The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina.  Below are the results:

Gingrich
40.4%
243,153
Romney
27.8%
167,279
Santorum
17.0%
102,055
Paul
13.0%
77,993
Cain
1.1%
6,324
Perry
0.4%
2,494
Huntsman
0.2%
1,161
Bachmann
0.1%
494

Results courtesy of Google Politics

The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points?  Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week.  After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs.  One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc.  Yet he managed to win big.

The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted.  I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic.  One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul.  South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for.  She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people.  I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state.  That should have helped me get more votes.  If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.

I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!

Advertisement

January 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, Poll, satire, Vanna White, voting | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Campaign Schedule Set

I will be back on the campaign trail next week.  I will be going to Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.  My schedule will be such as the Republican candidates will be out of these states by the time I arrive.

Iowa (Sunday – Tuesday)  I will visit Des Moines, a few “costal” cities and some farms assuming I can get over my formidophobia (fear of scarecrows).  I will also dine (as I always do) in local “Mom-and-Pop” diners to get a pulse on Iowans.

New Hampshire (Wednesday – Friday)  The days will be spent walking through towns and talking with local business people.  I will also visit a cemetery and campaign to the deceased there.  The nights will been at ski lodges shooting the breeze with ski bunnies talking about everything from politics to the dangers Justin Bieber causes on American society.  I hope to visit the shore while I am in New Hampshire (There isn’t much coastline, but there is some).

South Carolina  (Saturday – Monday)  The trip starts with flying to Charlotte, NC.  The reason why I am flying there is because Saturday is South Carolina’s Primary day and I don’t want to run into Jon Huntsman if I don’t have to.

I will be making a pilgrimage to North Myrtle Beach on Sunday morning to check out the house Vanna White lived in as a child.  I will then try to find a meetup of Vanna White supremacists in the area.  Otherwise, it will be dining at any “Mom-and-Pop” restaurants that might be opened on a Sunday.  (Alternate plan is Waffle House)

I leave South Carolina Monday morning and hope to be home Monday afternoon.

January 5, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, politics, Republicans, satire, Vanna White | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

%d bloggers like this: