Vacation Mode

I will be in full vacation mode for the next two weeks.  I will not be campaigning nor will be working.  I will be spending the next week in Virginia Beach with a Monday trip to Washington DC to drop off my daughter.  Patricia was picked up after school and will be spending the three day weekend with me.  (Veteran’s Day is on Sunday, observed on Monday, and forgotten about on Tuesday.)  It’s too chilly for swimming this time of year, but it’s nice for walking along the beach.

It’s going to be good to just relax.  No deadlines.  No vigorous campaign schedule. No  nudie bars are visits to cemeteries trying to get votes.  Just, rest, relaxation, and the best chance to restore my sanity.

Next Sunday is a stay at my parents’ home in Washington.  I will be there until the day after Thanksgiving (Columbus Day in Canada)  before heading home for some final relaxation at home.

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Keep Your Wedding Gifts

Your wedding day is a very special day.  You and your love will make a vow to love each other through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, through frick and frack, all for the rest of your lives.  A certain opponent of mine (who shall remain nameless though he currently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC) wants you to have contributions to his campaign on your wedding registry.   Even if I wasn’t running a penniless campaign and I was accepting donations, I wouldn’t piggy-back off of a wedding or a birth of a child.  Not getting married and not being the father of your child are rewarding enough for me.

Just because I am not accepting money for my campaign (or spending money on my campaign) doesn’t mean I am not accepting money and spending money on other purposes.  Below are some of the things I am accepting money for:

• Nudie bar bill – Drinking at a nudie bar isn’t cheap.  The more I drink, the more compelled I feel to buy drinks for others.
• Take-out Food – I’d like to get a pizza or some Chinese food once in a while, but my fiscal conservatism prohibits me from doing that.
• Buying my condo – I could buy it now, but I do not wish to take out a loan.  Banks shouldn’t be paid just because a person wants something.
• A Bentley – One of my father’s friends bought one recently.  I didn’t get to drive it, but I got to ride in it.  It’s a sweet ride!
• A smartphone – The phone I have now is dumb as rocks.  It’s an old phone that has no function except for phone calls.

Even though I would like these things, I don’t want the money to come from somebody’s wedding registry.  Getting married is painful enough.  There is no need to share the gifts that are rightfully yours.

Safe and Sound

If you watched the news today, you might have heard about a nudie bar in New Jersey that was robbed by armed robbers and had taken the girls working there as hostages.  I was not at the bar at that time.  I would have posted this sooner, but I was at a different nudie bar and just heard about this now.

Nick the club manager was pistol-whipped but is now doing fine.  I haven’t heard about the hostages or the robbers, but will update when I hear something.

I will have to use some discretion when going to nudie bars in the future.  Security will be a priority, especially in the bars where the girls aren’t that hot.

Keeping it Simple

As a frontrunner, everything I do is magnified.  This is especially true of gaffes and miscues.  But it’s the innocent things a candidate does that can be construed in a wrong way.

One example is when I go to nudie bars.  I go to nudie bars for the eye candy.  I do not go to look for sex.  The night sometimes ends with sex because she’s a hottie and I have a radiant personality and she is impressed that I am running for President of the United States.

Sometimes I need to multitask.  When I went to get my car inspected last year, I brought my bills so I could pay them while I waited for the car to get inspected.  It was the first time I had used stamps that I didn’t have to lick to have it stick to the envelope.  I was talking to the person next to me waiting for his car to be inspected and mentioned that I missed the “lick-’em-and-stick-’em” stamps.  This was caught by the auto shop owner who thought I was talking about inspections.  I failed the inspection due to infractions like “blinkers blinked too slowly” and “spare tire not properly inflated.”

People who want to stop you will twist anything to make sure you are stopped.  I am making sure my activities are done with untwistable steel.

Can’t Get Into It

The wear and tear from running for President of the United States is starting to pay its toll.  I am contemplating withdrawing my name from consideration.  My campaign has taken a number of hits in recent weeks:

• My radio show is on hiatus as I try to find a time that is suitable for both me and my supporters.  I am no longer allowed to host a show between 7:00PM and 11:00PM.
• When asking, “Who is Ahmnodt Heare” on answers.com, the reply that was given was, “That question is inappropriate.”  (This has since been changed to read, “Ahmnodt Heare is an Independent candidate for President.”
• My bathroom is still leaking.  The runaround I keep getting has helped me lose five pounds.  The landlord says it’s condo management’s responsibility, The condo management says it’s the landlord’s responsibility and my neighbor says it’s “Bad karma, Man.”
• My work schedule has been hectic.  Everybody wants stuff done now.  It’s like a lemmings mentality.  Once one person asks for my services, all the other lemmings follow and want my services.
• Sometimes I feel like slamming the head of a person who deserves his head slammed against the wall.  This isn’t very presidential so I can’t do it.
• I have been criticized for spending too much time campaigning in nudie bars and brothels.  Nudie bar workers are voters and deserve to hear my campaign as much as anybody else.  I haven’t been to a brothel in two years and when I do go to brothels, it is not to campaign.

I am hoping to find the resolve I will need to campaign for the next two years.