Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Drama Continues

Just when I thought my moving misadventures couldn’t get any worse, it did.  I had become impatient and decided to rent a truck and get my furniture myself.  The manager of the moving company gave me the key to the back of the truck.

I hired a couple of my neighbors for the day to help me unload the truck.  The trip there was long as crossing the George Washington Bridge took a long time.  We eventually made it to the garage where the broken-down truck was parked.  I parked close to the other truck.

We started unloading from the moving truck to the truck I was renting.  A police car pulled in to the lot and parked by the trucks.  He walked over to us and asked us what we were doing.

“We’re unloading my stuff.”  I replied.

“How do I know it’s your stuff?” the officer replied.

“The owner of the moving company gave me the keys to the back of the truck so I could get my stuff.  The delivery was supposed to go to Vernon, NJ, not Mount Vernon, NY.”

“Where are the rest of the keys?”

“Either inside or back at their office.  The truck broke down with my furniture and I would like to have it now.”

“You still haven’t told me how I’m supposed to know it’s your stuff.  Do you have a contract stating it is your furniture?”

“I left it at home.  I didn’t know getting my own stuff was going to be such a big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” the officer barked.  “The garage is closed and nobody is supposed to be on the property when the place is closed.  There is a ‘NO TRESPASSING’ sign over the door.  You’re going to have to put the stuff back in the other truck and leave.”

“It took me two hours to get here.  I’m getting my stuff!”

I don’t normally talk terse to an officer of the law, but I was tired and did not want to spend another night sleeping on a hard floor.

“You are charged with Criminal Trespass and with Attempted Larceny.  You have the right to remain silent…”

The officer cuffed me and put me in the squad car.  One of my neighbors had to get the keys from my pocket so they can head back home.  I said things that I cannot repeat in this blog because my mother reads it and she would be disappointed hearing that language from me.

When I arrived at the police station, I was fingerprinted and had my mug shot.  (I hope the mugshot doesn’t end up on The Smoking Gun’s website.)  I called my attorney and told her everything that had happened.  She told me there wasn’t much I could do because I didn’t have the contract on me.  There was probably one in the cab of the truck, but since I didn’t have the keys for the cab, I couldn’t access those papers.

I soon went to my arraignment and was released on $1,000 bail.   I had to take a bus into New York City and then another bus back home.

The movers just finished moving my furniture here to my new home.  The story does not end here though.  I have a court date for June 14 at the courthouse in White Plains, NY.  The attempted larceny charges were dropped because I was able to prove the furniture was indeed mine.  They are insisting on sticking me with the criminal trespassing though and I might end up spending time behind bars.

May 17, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, scandal | , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Bus Tour

I had decided at the last moment to take a trip to Oneonta, NY today.  Instead of driving, I decided to take a bus.  The bus I am taking has internet access so I can keep in touch with my supporters throughout the trip.  I am currently in South Hackensack, NJ.  It doesn’t seem to be the type of pl,ace with expensive and luxurious houses.  It probably explains why Billy Joel moved out.

September 21, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Excerpts from my Speech to the Polar Bear Club

The following is an excerpt of the speech I will be giving to the Polar Bear Club in Kingston, NY this afternoon.  It is on global warming.

I would like to thank the Polar Bear Club for inviting me to Kingston to speak today.  Thank you for the warm reception.  The warm reception is almost warm enough to cause global warming.

I know that people in the Polar Bear Club like to go swimming in the winter.  I would like to go swimming in the winter also, but it is too cold.  This is why I am suggesting that we encourage global warming in the winter.

There are some people who want it year round.  But it is already warm in the summer.  The summer would be a good time to fight global warming.  Right now, we much encourage it.

It is too cold today for me to swim in my Speedos.  It is too cold to walk in the park just wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  The saddest part about the lack of global warming in the winter is that it is too cold for the hotties to wear thongs on the beach.  Imagine the irony of that.

If I am elected president, I will assure that fighting global warming will only occur during the hottest months.

Former Vice-President Al Gore knows what causes global warming.

Former Vice-President Al Gore knows what causes global warming.

February 28, 2009 Posted by | campaign, commentary, environment, issues, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Excerpts from my Speech to the Polar Bear Club

Speech Tonight at Rotary Club

I am honored to be making a speech tonight at the Rotary Club in Port Jervis, NY.  I will be giving my speech on rotors and the vital role they play in American society.  Afterwards, I will be having dinner at the Milford Diner, in Milford, PA.  Feel free to stop by and ask me any questions you may have.  My advisors wanted me to tell you to bring your camers as I try scrapple.

December 9, 2008 Posted by | campaign, issues, politics, satire, speech | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Speech Tonight at Rotary Club


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