Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Sandy Controversy

A lot of Hurricane Sandy doesn’t make sense, especially when compared to similar hurricanes that have gone up the Atlantic coastline in the past.  Here are a few reasons why I think Sandy is a manufactured storm created by the government:

  • Most hurricanes stay away from cold fronts.  Sandy is expected to make a head-on collision with a cold front currently in eastern Ohio.
  • The air temperature in the days before a hurricane is usually warmer than normal and the air is normally oppressively humid.  The temperature has been below normal for the last few days and the air isn’t very humid.
  • The unemployment rate in New Jersey is currently 9.8%.  The entire state is expected to be devastated by Sandy.  A lot of people will be needed with the cleanup and rebuilding.  A classic case of “Broken Windows Economics”.
  • Election Day is a week from Tuesday.  With all of these people getting jobs, the October jobs report to be released Friday morning will show an increase in employment (largely due to cleanup and restoration due to Sandy.)

Other “coincidences” include the hurricane making landfall during an astronomical high time.  There will be a prolonged saturation of rain and wind in an area that is already oversaturated by recent rains.  This will lead to downed trees and power lines, closed roads, and a prolonged period away from the nudie bar.

I’m not normally big on conspiracy theories, but I can’t help but think that this is president Obama’s “October Surprise” and that the Cinemafia was instrumental in helping Obama in a diabolical scheme to see that I do not get elected President.

October 28, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, cinemafia, commentary, economy, humor, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Allegations Confronted

The pressure is on the Obama and Romney campaigns.  They and their supporters have stopped at nothing to try to smear my campaign. Below are the allegations followed by the truth:

  • Ahmnodt Heare has been using performance-enhancing drugs – This is utterly false.  Polls from Reuters, Fox News, NBC, CBS, NY Times, The Onion, Wall Street Journal, and others both show Obama and Romney with substantial leads over everybody else.  I am not even mentioned in these polls.  If I was using these drugs, I would at least appear as a blip in the polls.
  • Ahmnodt Heare plans to buy a majority share in Diebold – If I had that kind of money, I would have spent it on ads and election officials.  Diebold is a multi-billion dollar company who does not accept Marlboro Miles as currency.
  • Ahmnodt Heare is planning an “October Surprise” – Well, duh!  Every campaign has an October surprise or two that they will use late in October to try to cripple opponents.  I will release mine on October 30.  (If I remember.)
  • Ahmnodt Heare has been registering dead people to vote – What I have done is not registering dead people to vote.  What I have been doing is getting dead people to get themselves to register to vote.   Many of the recently deceased are already registered to vote and now need only to show up to vote.

I will address other allegations as they develop.  (Except for the embarrassing moment I had with a mannequin in the dressing room at Kohl’s. – I dismiss that as a “youthful indiscretion” as I was younger last weekend than I am now.)

August 25, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Allegations Confronted

   

%d bloggers like this: