Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Olympic Spirit

I like watching the Olympics.  Every four years the best athletes in the world compete in such sports as running, swimming, diving, and gymnastics.  There are also “sports” like archery. badminton, and  trampoline.  I didn’t know that trampoline was an Olympic sport and you can now get a gold medal for doing “Squat-sit-squat” better than anybody else.  Since ping pong (table tennis) is now also an Olympic event, it is only a matter of time before beer pong becomes an Olympic event.  Below are some events I would like to see in the Olympics:

  • Beer Pong – Anybody who questions whether beer pong is a sport has never been able to get a ping pong ball in a cup after 15 beers like I have.
  • Bowling – The sport is normally boring to watch so bowlers would wear tight pants so people watching will keep interested.  (At least I would watching ladies’ bowling.)
  • Darts – If archery is a sport, darts should be too.  Darts is all skill and no apparatus like a bow used for an arrow.
  • Kick Ball – I was awesome in kick ball as a fifth grader.

There are many others events I’d like to see in the Olympics, but I won’t name them all.  If there is an event you want included, feel free to add your suggestion to the comments section.

There are 97 days until Election Day.  I am striving for the gold in the Presidential Election event.  Getting a silver medal in this event will mean nothing but being the most decorated loser.

August 1, 2012 Posted by | commentary, editorial, election, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

My “Al Michaels Moment”

“Do you believe in miracles?…  YES!!” – Al Michaels

I didn’t get to watch the 1980 Olympic hockey game between the United States and the former Soviet Union.  I was in the first grade and had a strict bedtime of 8:00PM.  I had this bedtime until I graduated from high school, when my bedtime was moved up to 9:00. But I remember hearing my father tell me that we beat the Soviet Union the following morning.  I finally heard Al Michael’s quote just before the gold medal game between the United States and Finland, I got excited, as if I actually saw the entire game.

It would have been cool to watch that game.  The next best game would be to to find a game that Al Michael’s quote could be applied.  The game was between the Nationals and the New York Mets.  It shouldn’t have reached miracle status because rookie phenom  Stephen Strasburg was pitching against a 35-year knuckleballer R.A. Dickey.  One is a dominant pitcher with a 100 mile-per-hour fastball while the other throws a knuckleball in two speeds: slow and not-so-slow.

Strasburg didn’t have his best stuff today.  He allowed 2 runs on four hits along with three walks.  He would last only five innings and leave with the Nationals losing 2-0.  While Strasburg struggled, Dickey and his knuckleball breezed throw the first five innings and allowed only two singles.

The tide starting to turn a bit in favor of the Nationals.  The Nats’ bullpen held the Mets in check and the batters started getting to Dickey in the sixth inning, tying the game at 2.  The eighth inning was a nightmare.  Tyler Clippard pitched 2/3 of an inning.  In that short span, he allowed three runs on four hits.  Doug Slaten stopped the bleeding, but the damage was done.  The Mets lead 5-2.

The Nationals managed to manufacture a run in the bottom of the eighth and Matt Capps retired the Mets in order in the top of the ninth, making the score 5-3.  Then the miracle happened.  The Nats was facing the Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez.  The bases were quickly loaded when Adam Dunn tied the game with a double to deep center field that hit the tippy top of the fence.  Josh Willingham was walked intentionally to reload the bases for Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez.  Pudge blooped a single to right and the Nationals scored the winning run and won 6-5.

Why was this a miracle?  Because even with this win, the Nationals are in last place 12 1/2 games behind the Braves.  This is the first time inthe last 40 games the Nationals trailed after the eighth inning that they won.  My father was at the game and the Nationals never seem to win when my father goes to games.

“Do you believe in miracles?…  YES!!” – Ahmnodt Heare (via Al Michaels)

July 4, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Hockey Endorsement

NHL All-Star and four-time U.S. Olympian Chris Chelios is the latest to endorse my campaign.  It is a tremendous honor to be endorsed by a future hall-of-famer and someone who has honored America by representing us in the Olympics, including being the team captain in 2006.

NHL Great and four-time Olympian Chris Chelios proudly endorses Ahmnodt Heare.

April 24, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, endorsement, humor, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Northeast Blizzard

There are two reasons why I haven’t been online the last two days:  Shoveling and Blackout  (The blackout lasted for 22 hours, but I spent most of that time sleeping or shoveling.).  It tends to be difficult to keep up with shoveling when it is snowing an inch an hour.  It is harder when you are without the benefits of a snow blower or a plow.

I had spent all morning and afternoon shoveling.  It was getting dark and the one inch per hour turned into 2 inches per hour.  Catching up became futile so I decided I was shoveling for the day.  I went inside and watched some of the gold medal women’s hockey game between the United States and Canada.  Team Canada won 2-0 and I became distraught.

MSNBC announced that after the medals were given out, that they were going to play the Canadian National Anthem.  Not on my TV they weren’t.  I turned the TV off and headed outside to throw snowball at objects so I could vent.   One of the objects I hit was the top of the telephone pole where the electrical wire is connected from the pole to the house.  The electric wire came down and the town became dark.  Fortunately, I was able to scurry back in the house before anybody could see what happened.  (Not that they could see as it was dark and no lights were around.)

I had spent a good portion of yesterday shoveling the snow that had fallen Thursday night and Friday morning.  There was a foot and a half on the ground in addition to the foot of snow I had shoveled on Thursday.  I was soon running out of places to put snow as the snow banks from shoveling were soon over my head.  I thought I was just about done when the town snow plow came and cleared the road, leaving a three-foot bank blocking my driveway.  The bank was not only high, it was also three feet across. It was also dense, icy, and heavy.  it took me FOREVER to get rid of that snowbank!

I will be spending time brainstorming ideas on how better to remove snow.  The way towns do it now is a bad idea, and I will bring that up at the next town meeting.  If the streets are public property, then so is the snow that falls on it.  I do not want public snow on my private property!  I will think of a better way.  This is why I am running for President.  I am always thinking of better ways to run this great country of ours.

February 27, 2010 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Rethinking my Foreign Policy

War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shatner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country.

Here is the summary from that link:

  • Wars shall only be fought between 9:00AM and 5:00PM Mondays through Fridays.  This will allow our troops to come home for dinner every night and weekends.  It is important to keep morale high.  There will be no fighting on holidays (American or Canadian)
  • No bombing of hockey rinks, Tim Horton’s, or curling ponds.  We don’t hate Canadians, just the Canadian government, and specifically, those agencies responsible.
  • To show that the Canadians are willing to play fair, they have promised no arctic cold fronts during the summer.

Unfortunately, events have occurred in recent days that have made me think I should revise my foreign policy as it applies to Canada.  I have observed that Canadian people are having a hard time dealing with the fact that the USA hockey team beat their team at their national sport.  The people in Vancouver were booing their Canucks’ Ryan Kesler every time he touched the puck in today’s game between the United States and Switzerland.  They harassed supporters of my campaign when they held “Ahmnodt Heare for President” signs behind the Swiss penalty box.  Security confiscated the signs and escorted them out of the arena.

I have revised my policy as follows:

  • War will still be from 9-to-5.  But there will also be war on Saturdays.  There will be war on Canada Day and Boxing Day unless those days falls on a Sunday.
  • While the ban on bombing Tim Horton’s and hockey rinks are still in effect, the ban on Curling rinks will be lifted.  Curling is not a real sport.  If it was, Americans would have done well at the Olympics.
  • If these actions are not enough, I will sign an executive order forcing tropical warm fronts to invade Canada during outdoor hockey and curling tournaments.

I am a reasonable man.  I am sure we can work things out.

February 24, 2010 Posted by | campaign, Canada, commentary, editorial, entertainment, humor, issues, satire, War | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What is in Store

It will be a busy week for me working this week.  Most of it is due to workload, but a portion of the time is because I will spend some time in Dixville Notch, NH campaigning.  For those of you not familiar with Dixville Notch, it is a small community in New Hampshire.  The residents there vote at Midnight on Election Day.  Soon after everybody is finished voting, the town sends out a press release with the results.  It is sometimes used as a barometer to fortell how the country is doing.  (Though it’s not always accurate as Libertarian Party candidate Harry Browne won Dixville Notch in 1996.

This week will probable be limited to snippets of replies to the events taking place this week.  (Some Olympics news and my reaction to them as well as the usual stuff going on in Washington.)

The good news isn’t just that the United States defeated Canada 5-3 in men’s hockey last night.  What is also good is that there doesn’t seem to be any Cinemafia spies masquerading themselves as referees or any other sporting event officials.  I would like to take a moment to thank Canada for keeping the games clean and not letting officiating affect the outcomes of games and events.

February 22, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, election, humor | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on What is in Store

I Should Have Thought of This Earlier

If you are fortunate enough to attend the Winter Olympics in Vancouver and your seat at a venue is in a highly visible spot, then feel free to display an “Ahmnodt Heare” sign at your event.

Signs should be 15" by 9"(38 x 23 cm).

February 19, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Canada, humor, politics, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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