Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

An Open Letter to ESPN

April 2, 2011

Dear ESPN Programming Doofus:

I am not just a presidential candidate, I am a baseball fan.  To be precise, I am a Washington Nationals fan.  I am writing because I have taken a peek at the Sunday Night Baseball schedule and I am not happy.

It seems you like to oversaturate your programming with Yankees and Red Sox games.  That series gets old after a while (Especially after Fox always broadcasts the Saturday game the day before.  There are many other series that are more interesting.

I understand that the Nationals are not a very good team right now and that they’re not going to get a lot of national airtime.  How about a Twins-Rangers game?  They both won their divisions last year.  Dare I say that both of those teams are better than this year’s Yankees without being ridiculed?

Better yet, show the National League some love.  After all, the defending world champions are the San Francisco Giants (a National League Team).  The National League plays real baseball where the pitchers get to bat.  The American League has the Designated Hitter and is for pitchers with no genitals for batting.  (I’d write, “balls” but my mother reads this blog.)

If you need any help with this, I will be happy to assist.  Before you know it, you will be enjoying higher ratings.

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Independent Candidate for President (Write-In)

Baseball (Washington Nationals) Fan

April 2, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , | 6 Comments

An Open Plea to Former President George W. Bush

According to a recent blog entry of the Financial Times of London, former President George W. Bush said that if he was asked, he would have endorsed President Obama in the 2008 Presidential election if he was asked. He later added that he had to endorse John McCain, but he’d “probably not vote for the guy.”

This brings me to my plea.  Dear President George W. Bush.  I do not normally vote for Democrats or Republicans. But in 2000, I held my nose and voted for you.  Not only did I vote for you, but I encouraged my parents and my friends to vote for you.  I would have voted for you in 2004, but I took a special liking for Light Party candidate Da Vid.

I hope I am not too late, but I would be honored to have your endorsement in 2012.  This will show a few things:

  • That an American does not have to be a Republican or a Democrat to be presidential.
  • That you are willing to reach out to outside the Republican Base if it means making America a better country.
  • That you are tired of the antics of the Cinemafia and want a presidential candidate who is willing to address the high cost of entertainment.

President Bush, I am asking for your endorsement because it would mean so much.  Please tell Laura and your children I say Hi.  I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt F.N. Heare

Independent candidate for President

November 14, 2010 Posted by | campaign, commentary, Democrats, election, endorsement, humor, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

An Open Letter to America’s Independent Voters

Dear Independent Voter,

Like you, I am an independent voter and am not registered to vote as a Democrat or as a Republican.  I am registered to vote as an Independent.  I tend to vote for candidates who are neither Democrats nor Republicans.  If I vote for them, I might as well be one of them.

I am writing this letter today because there are more people registered to vote as Independents (40%) than either as Democrats (30%) or as Republicans (30%).   In theory, in a three-way race between Democrats, Republicans, and Independents, the Independent candidate should win because the Independent has the largest base to work with.  Yet on Election Day, the Independent often finishes a distant third behind the two party candidates.  This has to stop.  We Independents need to stick together!

Many of us are Independents because we know the Democrats and the Republicans do not have the answers.  If either party had the answers, then things would be honky-dory and we wouldn’t need the other party or independents.  But things are far from honky-dory.  We have a high unemployment rate, a weak dollar, and an entertainment industry that is pricing itself out of the affordable price range of many Americans.

It is time to start voting for Independents.  A good way to start is with the 2012 Elections.  I am running as an Independent for President.  I am the candidate Independents have been wanting to vote for.  If everybody votes party lines, I would only get 40% of the votes, but I would get enough electoral votes to get elected.

You are registered as an Independent voter.  It is time to vote party lines and vote Independents into office and fix this country.   Some will say that Independent candidates don’t have a chance and voting for an Independent would be a wasted vote.  The only wasted vote is voting for the same thing and hoping to get something different.  Albert Einstein thinks this is insanity and I agree.

I am writing this letter now because it will take a while for this letter to be spammed to all Independent voters.  If you keep getting this letter in your e-mail, please don’t get mad, just delete all but one letter.  You will need one letter to print out so you will know how to spell “A-H-M-N-O-D-T  H-E-A-R-E” (without the quotes or hyphens) when you go to vote.  If you need to remember how to spell my name, below are tips for my first and last names:

AHMNODT – A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters.

HEARE – Horny Elephants Are Really Exotic.

It wasn’t the Independents that ran up the debt – It was the two parties.  It wasn’t the Independents who have our troops in the Middle East years after “Mission Accomplished.” – It was the two parties.  It wasn’t the Independents who drove up the price of entertainment and snacks at movie theaters, it was the two parties.

Please let your fellow Independent voters know that there is finally an Independent that Independents can rally behind and vote for.  That Independent is Ahmnodt Heare.

November 11, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, Democrats, editorial, humor, issues, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , , | 3 Comments

An Open Letter to Those Facebook Guys

Dear People Who Run Facebook:

I have been on Facebook for over a year.  Over the time, it has helped increase my base for my 2012 campaign for President of the United States.  I have even taken the step of playing Mafia Wars with my supporters.

As useful and fun as Facebook has been over the last year, it has been soured over the last week.  It started ironically enough with “change.”  While change can be a good thing if people want it, it can be a bad thing if people like things the way they are.  People wanted change in the United States in 2008 so they voted for Barack Obama. (I voted for myself, as I was running in 2008 also.)  People didn’t want change to Facebook.  This was demonstrated by not voting for Barack Obama for President of Facebook.

It is not just the change that has bothered Facebook users.  It is the glitches that have come along since the changes occurred.  It has made running my presidential campaign very difficult.  I am running a penniless campaign because I am a fiscal conservative.  Only a true fiscal conservative can run a campaign without taking out loans or acting like a beggar asking people for their hard earned dollars.

I plead that you fix the website as soon as possible.  I did not vote for Barack Obama to run Facebook, so I don’t want change,  (Especially change accompanied with glitches.)  Glitches like the page not updating even after refreshing make it hard to get my message out to my supporters without sending a spam mail message.

I am sure this situation will be resolved soon and wish Facebook the best of luck in its future business endeavors.

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt F.N. Heare

2008 and 2012 Presidential Candidate

February 9, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, Obama, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Letter to Barack Obama

I would like to congratulate you for winning the election.  I tried to give you a congratulatory phone call like the other opponents, but I do not have your phone number.  If you need any help implementing my platform, please feel free to call me at your convenience.

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Independent Candidate for President 2008 and 2012

P.S.  Please do not call me at 3AM.  Since I will not be President, there is no reason for me to answer the phone at that time.

November 9, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Democrats, election, issues, Obama, Platform, politics, satire, write-in | , , , , , | Comments Off on A Letter to Barack Obama

An Open Letter to the Electoral College

Dear Electoral Collegian:

Sometime after Election Day, you will be representing your state as you cast the vote that counts for president.  Instead of voting for the person you have been assigned to vote for, I would like to suggest why you should vote for me (Ahmnodt Heare) for President.

Americans want change.  Nobody has a platform with as much change as I do.  Unlike my opponents, I do not have a party to bog down my agenda.  I am the only candidate with programs to jump start the economy without using taxpayers’ dollars.

I thank you for your service and for your duty in serving in the Electoral College.  If I am elected president, I will fund the Electoral College’s sports program so it can compete with the SEC, Big 10, Pac 10, and other major conferences. 

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Independent Candidate for President

Ahmnodt Heare for America.  Ahmnodt Heare for You.

October 18, 2008 Posted by | campaign, Democrats, election, Obama, Republicans, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on An Open Letter to the Electoral College

   

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