Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Fix is In!

The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina.  Below are the results:

Gingrich
40.4%
243,153
Romney
27.8%
167,279
Santorum
17.0%
102,055
Paul
13.0%
77,993
Cain
1.1%
6,324
Perry
0.4%
2,494
Huntsman
0.2%
1,161
Bachmann
0.1%
494

Results courtesy of Google Politics

The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points?  Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week.  After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs.  One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc.  Yet he managed to win big.

The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted.  I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic.  One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul.  South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for.  She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people.  I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state.  That should have helped me get more votes.  If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.

I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!

January 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, Poll, satire, Vanna White, voting | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Pardon the Rabble

I have a few things going against me today:

  • I have a stomach virus – I won’t go into any detail because some people like to eat while reading blogs.
  • The microphone I was using for my upcoming ad malfunctioned during production. – I’m hoping to put the video up tomorrow.
  • Rick Perry suspended his campaign.  I was hoping that I could have garnered his supporters.  He decided to endorse the Newtered One instead.
  • The Newtered One wanted an open marriage. I am wondering if Callista feels the same way.  Tell her I can be reached at (507)- AHMNODT.

Despite feeling near death as I am writing this, I will be be offering my insight to tonight’s debate.  Yes there is yet another debate.  Yes I know I wasn’t invited to yet another debate.  I even know that a lot of the humor factor has been taken out now that Rick Perry will not be debating.  This is the duty anybody seriously running for President must do.  My insight will be on Twitter and Facebook.

I’m off to take care of some errands and to take a quick nap before the debate.  I’m not sure of the time or channel of the debate, but I think it’s CNN at 8:00PM Eastern.

January 19, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, debate, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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