Learning From Ferguson

It is unfortunate that Americans have not learned from Rodney King and Trayvon Martin.  Once again, cars were set on fire and businesses were looted.  There has to be a stop to this.  In order to stop history from repeating itself, one has to get to the root of the cause and spread Roundup weed killer on it until the root is dead.  Here is how I would handle things to make sure this doesn’t happen again:

Reading the Verdict – Have the verdict read in the morning before 10:00AM.  Nobody likes rioting when one is tired and the coffee hasn’t kicked in.

Keep it Peaceful – Most of the greatest achievements towards equality were the result of peaceful actions like Martin Luther King.  People have no sympathy for those who choose to act like they are in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Focus Your Anger – Instead of burning everybody’s cars and looting businesses, take out your hostility on those who caused you to feel hostile.  Don’t burn down your neighborhood.  It keeps the police around too long.  Instead, hold a sit-in at a courthouse or police station.  And although the Department of Motor Vehicles usually has nothing to do with these situations, have a sit-in there too.  You will get supporters because everybody hates the DMV. (Even the people who work there.)

If you are a district attorney, please don’t give a case to a grand jury with the intent with hoping that they will not indict the defendant when the defendant has allegedly caused death or injury to a person.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and may your Black Friday shopping be less of a riot than what Ferguson went through.

 

 

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There Comes a Time

There are times that no matter how correct someone is about a political issue, that person becomes wrong when using a tragedy to promote their political agenda.  There will be a time for that discussion in a few days.  Until that time comes, I will let the people who need to mourn from the killings in Newtown, CT their chance to mourn in peace.

Peace Signs for Ahmnodt

Throughout the month of August, when you make a transaction (whether it’s for filling your gas tank, buying your groceries, getting a dime bag, or loaning a friend $20), as soon as the transaction is complete, make a peace sign.

Winnie started the trend after buying a pint of ale at a pub in London.

Unlike Mitt Romney and the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner, I am all about peace.  My definition of “withdrawing the troops” means ending the war and bringing the troops home.  My definition of “closing Guantanamo Bay” means withdrawing the prisoners and troops from Guantanamo Bay and bringing them home.  My definition of “is” is “3rd person singular present indicative of be.”

Another way to get the peace message out is to add the word “peace” to anything in the “memo” section of the check (account number, phone number, “for last night”, etc.”).

Why the “Peace” for everything financial?  Because for too long we have fought wars for money, gold, oil, women, and other valuables.  Ones we get rid of the connotation of money with war with peace, there will be no more need for war.

Starting From Scratch

Preparations are now underway for Orgies for Abstinence V.  I thought I had pamphlets left over from Orgies for Abstinence IV, but I do not.  I couldn’t find a copy on my hard drive or on any USB drive or CD-Roms.  These pamphlets are a vital part of bringing abstinence awareness at orgies.  Without them, it will be like any other Friday night.

i went through search engines hoping to find a template for abstinence.  I couldn’t find a template, but I did find a Christian organization that was selling pamphlets.  This cannot do.  Abstinence information is too important to sell.  This information should be available for free.

I will be volunteering next weekend for the “Condoms for Cousins” campaign up in the mountains.  I am hoping we can get enough condoms so I could have some of what is left over for the “Orgies for Abstinence” campaign.

Critics in the past have asked my why do I need condoms and Viagra to promote abstinence.  It is fair and valid question.  The answer is the same reason why the military uses guns, bombs, and tanks to promote peace.  Sometimes you have to do what is against your beliefs to get to the point where you can abide by your mores.

The formatting for pamphlets will make it impossible to post it here, but when I am finished, I will provide a link to where you can print it in WYSIWYG format.

They Should Have Come to Me

It seems that aliens do not read my blog entries.  If they did, they would have avoided the mishap that almost happened in Inner Mongolia.

I am concerned about safety.  This cannot be emphasized enough:  If you know any aliens from outer space, please let them know that I am the leader they wish to speak with.  World leaders are too busy leading their constituents to be bothered with little green men.  I have the time to discuss the issues with them.

Also let them know that they should bring their spaceship to Northwestern New Jersey.  There is plenty of space for parking and no need to worry about hitting jet planes.

Let’s get interplanetary relations on the right foot.  Bring them to me and not to a leader who will want to declare was and spend billions of dollars sending our troops into outer space.

Orgies for Abstinence III

It’s that time of year again.  The Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign is pleased to announce “Orgies for Abstinence III” at a location hopefully near you.  (And hopefully near me).

For those new to the campaign, this is an event that promotes abstinence.  I took a page from the government playbook.  For years, the government has been promoting war as a way to bring about peace.  With the success the government feels it has has with ‘War for Peace” and the success of “Orgies for Abstinence”, I can see other events popping up soon.  I can see events like “Buffets against Obesity”, “Dropouts for Advanced Education” and “Interior Decorators Against Gay Marriage.”

Once again, there is a signup on Facebook.  You are strongly encouraged to invite all of your friends and half of your enemies to attend this very special event.  Together, we can promote abstinence in a way that can only be experienced by attending an orgy.

Easter Sunrise Service

Sunday is usually the one day I get to sleep in.  Patricia’s mother Jeanetta wanted to take Patricia to a sunrise service in McLean, VA.  She was coming to pick her up at 6:00AM.  This meant I had to get up at 5:00, make Patricia breakfast, and get her showered and dressed by 6:00.  And I had to do this quietly because we are staying at my parents’ for the holiday and they are not morning people either.

I also got showered and dressed in my Easter attire.  (Button shirt and khaki pants, no pastels)  Jeanetta came to pick her up shortly after 6:00 and asked if I wanted to come to the service.  I assumed it was a sunrise service and people wouldn’t want to wake up that early on a Sunday, so I went.

We arrived at the church at 6:25 only to find problems finding a place to park.  It seemed EVERYBODY from the D.C. metro area was at this church.  It took a few minutes, but we found a parking spot and headed in the church.

The usher escorted us to our seats in the third row from the back.  We sat next to an empty spot, which was being saved by a man for his wife.  The wife returned to the spot.  I was in shock.  It was the woman I was dating for most of my junior and senior years at St. Thomas Francis University.  The breakup was ugly and borderline traumatic.

“Ahmnodt.”  she grunted.

“You’re not what?” her husband asked her.

“I’m not sitting next to Ahmnodt,”  she said with a blistering snideness.

Her husband moved to the spot and church service started.  The woman kept staring at me, even when I wasn’t stating at her.  I wanted to move to another seat, but by that time, the church was full.

Towards the end of the service, the pastor had us rise and asked everybody to hold hands of the people next to you.  This was an awkward moment.   As a general rule, I don’t hold another man’s hand.  I was a bit surprised that a request like this would be made in a church with the way they condemn homosexuality.

I didn’t hold his hand, but I started feeling guilty.  I was thinking that if the prayer the pastor was saying didn’t come true, that people would blame me just because I wouldn’t hold another man’s hand.

It dawned on me on the ride back to my parents’ house why we are still in two wars.  It seems that religious leaders always pray for peace.  Many places of worship lash out against homosexuality.  Then the pastor wants people to hold hands with one another regardless of gender.  There is probably somebody like me who refuses to hold another man’s hand.

Here is my solution for world peace:  Churches should assign seats boy-girl-boy-girl.  If there are gays and lesbians, they can be seated boy-boy or girl-girl.  Bisexuals can sit between gay people as a conduit between the gay parishioners and the straight.  The chain will remain intact and God will answer the prayer; thus bringing world peace.