Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Food Shopping Agony

It is a good thing I did not have Patricia this weekend.  She would have seen a side of her father that I do not like showing.  Unfortunately, I tend to show this side often when I go food shopping.

I don’t know if it’s something in the music the supermarkets play over their loud speakers or if there is something in the air, but the moment people walk through those automated doors and into the store, they become retarded.  Sometimes this includes the staff.

I don’t understand where people think they can get off with walking with a shopping cart down the middle of the aisle.  Then there’s the person who cuts in front of your cart, stops, grabs a box of Pop-Tarts, walks, realizes he grabbed the wrong box, stops, and exchanges the Pop-Tarts.

Then there are those annoying store displays in the aisles.  Supermarkets sell enough stuff and have enough space to sell their stuff that they don’t have to set up displays in aisles.

If I am elected President, I will push for legislation making sure nobody goes through this type of shopping experience again.  I will mandate that shoppers get a cart-pushing license before using one in a store.  This includes safe operating procedures and learning the rules of the aisle.  There will also be a simple math quiz to make sure shoppers with 27 items are not in the “Ten Items or Less” register.

These simple steps will ensure a pleasant shopping experience for everybody.  A little common courtesy can go a long way, but only in unobstructed aisles.

August 22, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, satire | , , , , | 7 Comments

A look at my Platform – Gay Marriage

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on gay marriage.

I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.

It is important to note that the quote above is a hypothesis.  I have no way of telling how much sex married people have since I quit peeping on my neighbors in 2003.  But what I noticed from my studies is that the frequency and the quality of sex my neighbors had diminished significantly within 3 months after being married.

Gay people are not that much different than straight people.  The difference is that with gay people, boys like boys and girls like girls.  But I am pretty sure that if gays were to marry, that the same thing would happen to them with sex.  It’s like Chocolate Pop-Tarts.  The first time you had one, the only thing you can think about is having another Chocolate Pop-Tart.  But after having Chocolate Pop-Tarts day in and day out, you want something different.

Gays should be allowed to marry.  They should be relieved to know that I have no interest in watching.

May 21, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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