The Ahmnodtophobic Media

The media fears me, my campaign, and my supporters.  The few mentions I get from the media make no mention that I am running for President of the United States.  They try to make it like my occupation is Horse-and-Buggy assembly line worker or some other obselete job.  More often than not though, they choose to ignore me.  This is especially true in issues where I am stronger than either Obama or Romney.

Here is your chance to prove me wrong.  You can try one or more of the following ideas:

• Email a letter to the editor of your local newspaper.  The letter should include why you support (or disdain) my campaign.  Please also include the link http://tinyurl.com/ahmnodt with your letter.  (The link is the shortened url for this blog.)
• Call a political talk show.  If the host is talking about a specific topic, tell the call screener why I am better at that issue than any other candidate.  If the topic is about Obama or Romney, tell him or her why I am a better candidate.  If it is about a debate, insist that I be allowed in future debates.
• Go to a local “Occupy” protest or a riot and carry an “Ahmnodt Heare for President” sign.  Try to get a media photographer to take a picture of you with the sign.  If that doesn’t work, get a blogger to take a picture with his or her phone.
• Call a press conference.  Call your local media outlets and announce that you will be holding a press conference at a specific time.  Announce that you will be endorsing and voting for Ahmnodt Heare in the upcoming election.  If they ask for contact information, tell them my contact information is in my blog.

If you get mentioned in the newspaper please scan the mention and e-mail the file to ahmnodtheare @politician.com.  If it is on the web, please e-mail me the link or share it in the comments section below this blog entry.  Thank you for continued support.

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Advice for Mitt Romney

It’s odd that I, a candidate for President of the United States, would give an opponent advice.  But after Mitt Romney bungled his foreign campaign trip, I can offer him some friendly advice.  There are only 98 days until Election Day and I doubt he will be doing any more campaigning overseas.  Below is some tidbits he can use abroad:

• Answer the media’s questions. – If you don’t talk to the media, the media will attack.  They will say that you are “out of touch” or that other candidates give out better donuts at press conferences.
• Find out the cultures of the countries you will visit and don’t step on their toes. –  People will frown on incidents like eating bacon at the Wailing Wall or saying “Erin go Bragh” at a bar in London.
• Mingle with the people. – You represent America more than most Americans because you are applying for leadership.  America has a bad image overseas except for cities after I have campaigned there.  The more likable America is, the less likely we will be attacked in the future.
• Refrain from bragging about America’s greatness.  America is a great country, but the first thing people will do after hearing that is ask, “If it’s a great country, why in the hell are you campaigning in my country?”.

Follow this advice in the future and you will have a more successful trip overseas.  The  people there will tweet the people here to vote for you.  (Unless they don’t have a Twitter account.)

Responding to Scandals

I will be addressing scandals hitting my campaign as well as responding to the allegations against me Tuesday at 3:00PM Eastern/ 12:00PM Pacific.  You can watch the press conference here:

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/ahmnodtheare

The “Press Freedom Act”

President Obama signed into law yesterday the “Press Freedom Act”.  This makes the State Department have to add a summary of press freedoms in other countries in addition to other things the State Department reports on.

I wonder if the State Department will be monitoring press freedoms in the United States.  If they are, we are off to a poor start as President Obama would not answer any questions after meeting the press about the “Press Freedom Act.”

This is where President Obama and I are different.  I would have shown that America is the champion of press freedoms.  I wouldn’t answer every question, but I would try.  I cannot answer how I feel about the officer who arrested me on Sunday because my attorney advised me that saying, “He’s missing a few doughnuts in the head but made up for it in the body” could be used against me in the coming trial.  I also can not talk about what I did on July 17, 2007 because I promised Angie Baumowitz I wouldn’t talk about our romantic escapade.

I will be able to talk about my policies, regardless of controversy.  Some have questioned if I should do that since I am going to deal with national security issues.  My answer to that is I will run a country that will not need to do things in secret.

I am thinking that President Obama will hold his press briefing on the “Healthy Foods Act” at a fast food restaurant.  He won’t be able to field questions because he’ll be chowing down on two double cheeseburgers.

Read Before Accusing Me

Iraqi journalist hurls shoes at ‘dog’ Bush.

People have been assuming that just because the shoes thrown at President Bush were a size 10, that I was the person who threw the shoes.  This is not the truth.  I don’t have shoes.  I was not in Baghdad, where the press conference took place.  And if I did have shoes, they would be more stylish than the pair thrown at President Bush.

I think the person who threw the shoes was misunderstood.  He might have gotten President Bush confused with me.  I was the candidate who wanted to walk in other people’s shoes.