Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Canada’s New Plan of Attack

For the last fifty years, Canada’s mode of attack has been to have their spies infiltrate the Great American Entertainment Industry and ruin our last remaining export.  Some of their more infamous spies include William Shatner, Celine Dion, Anne Murray, and Justin Bieber.  The Canadian government has reached a new low with their newest tactic.  It is a complicated plan that hurts not only American citizens, but also their own.

First, Canada drives their prices so high that things become hard to afford in Canada.  Gas is around $5.00/gallon in British Columbia while it’s about $3.80 in Washington State.  Here is a cost-of-living comparison between Vancouver, BC and Seattle, WA.  Canadians know things are less expensive in the United States so they hit American stores en mass and hoard essentials like milk, eggs, and cigarettes before Americans can get to them.

There are two ways to handle this:  Raise the prices of things in Americs so it’s as bad here as in Canada.  This is a bad idea unless you are rich and have a ton of disposable income.  The other plan is to sabotage the Canadian Dollar to the point that it would be virtually worthless in the United States.  That’s why I just came up with a third idea.  He;p the Canadian citizens petition their government.  This will not only make things more affordable for Canadians to shop in Canada, but it will finally put an end to their government’s tampering with American entertainment.

I should mention that no other presidential candidate has even mentioned this as of this posting.  84 shopping days until Election Day.

Advertisements

August 14, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, economy, foreign policy, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Shopping Woes

Unlike the other presidential candidates, I have been in a supermarket in my lifetime.  I have been doing my own shopping so I know the horrors of sticker shock first hand.   I have developed carpal tunnel syndrome from clipping so many coupons in an attempt to get everything I want to get in the supermarket.

The excuses for the constant increases in coffee prices are as lame as the excuses for the constant increases in gas prices.  Too much rain in Columbia, not enough rain in Kenya, too cold in Greenland.  I have heard all of the excuses for spikes in coffee prices and frankly, I am sick of them.

While there are a ton of excuses for the spikes in coffee prices, I haven’t heard any for the spikes in the prices for pastas.  We don’t get our pasta from Columbia or Kenya, so weather isn’t a factor.  it has long since been discovered that spaghetti doesn’t grow on trees.  The price of pasta has doubled over the last four years and I demand to know why!  It seems the stuff I buy the most of has risen more than stuff I avoid like the Plague.

I don’t have all of the answers to the food prices, but I do have one answer that will lower prices for some foods.  We need to stop paying farmers not to grow food.  The more food, the cheaper.  We also have to quit exporting food only to import some of the same food at a higher price.

You can vote for a candidate who can’t tell the difference between a shopping cart and a dolly or you can vote for someone who has walked in your shoes.  I have walked in your shoes and will return them by the end of the week.

March 14, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, economy, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

I Am Not The Only One

http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-popcorn-lawsuit-20120305,0,3059649.story?track=rss

I thought I was the only person willing to fight the Cinemafia head-on.  People hate the Cinemafia, but don’t have the time or money to fight them.  I don’t have the money to fight them (or the $10 jaywalking ticket I got last night), but a man in Michigan does.  Joshua Thompson is my hero.

Joshua Thompson used to sneak his own food into a local theater unto the theater manager made a policy prohibiting food to be brought from elsewhere.  Thompson retaliated by filing a lawsuit against the theater for violating anti-trust laws.

The reason for the anti-trust lawsuit is simple:  The less competition there is, the more those in business can charge for a product or service.  Marijuana is so expensive because it is illegal and most people can only get their weed from one dealer.  The few people who can go to one dealer soon realize that all dealers get their stuff from the same CIA agent.

A large soda in a movie theater can cost $5 or more because people generally don’t bring soda from home.  And the few who did before the crackdown on home-brought colas will soon experience a spike in the cost of concessions.

I am the only presidential candidate who has offered a viable way to make both movies and concessions more affordable as demonstrated in this video I made in 2008.  The entire Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign team wishes Joshua Thompson and all others fighting the Cinemafia.

March 10, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, cinemafia, commentary, editorial, entertainment, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Word From the Running Mate

My Fellow Americans,

My name is Albee Thayer.  I am honored to have been tapped by Ahmnodt Heare to be his running mate.  (By “tapped” I mean “chosen” not “tapped like a stick to a maple tree for syrup.  I haven’t had the time to introduce myself because I have been busy on my ranch and campaigning here in the Abilene, TX area.

I was born in New York City on November 7, 1958 and grew up in the suburbs.  My father was a junior vice-president at a Wall Street firm and my mother was a history teacher.  They instilled a tough work ethic in me.  I graduated high school a year early and received my Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration from the Abilene Christian University in only three years.  I later earned my MBA degree in Executive Management at the University of Texas.

I run a 80-acre ranch in the outskirts of Abilene with hundreds of steer and antelope roaming the ranch.  I shared the ranch with my wife Beatrice and our son Tyler until they were killed by a drunk driver in 1998.  I never remarried as I kept busy growing the ranch and trying other business ventures.

A Republican by trade, I became disenfranchised with the party and left in 2002 when they continued the spending the Democrats started.  After taking a look at other parties and even trying to start my own party (If you ever heard of the “Checkbook Party” about 10 years ago, that was the party I started.

I am proud to say that I voted for Ahmnodt Heare in 2008.  He doesn’t know this yet, but I wrote my name in for vice-president because i thought holding both offices is too much for anybody, even Ahmnodt.  My interest in him and his campaign started with his fight against the Cinemafia.  I have had a similar fight with the sports mafia.  I would sometimes make the drive to the Dallas – Fort Worth area to see the Cowboys and the Stars.  I became outraged by the ever-increasing prices to see the game as well as food and beer (which is way more expensive than at a bar or church and is watered down.)  At least the Cinemafia doesn’t charge for parking.  It was $20 the last time I went to Texas Stadium in 2007.

Ahmnodt will be back tomorrow.  He is currently traveling through New Hampshire campaigning in small towns near the border with Canada.  He will be back tomorrow with updates from the trail.  If you have any questions about me, feel free to ask them in the comments section below.

Sincerely,

Albee Thayer

Independent Write-In Candidate for Vice President

January 12, 2012 Posted by | Albee, campaign, entertainment, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Campaign Day in Haiku

6:00AM

I got out of bed

And did my business so that

The dog could do his.

7:00AM

Eggs on a hard roll

Coffee and a Budweiser

Breakfast for a champ.

8:00AM

Watched the morning news

Wondering what’s happening

I still do not know.

9:00AM

Headed into town

To hand out literature

Of campaign issues

10:00AM

Literature snatched

Because cops hate my permit

The First Amendment

11:00AM

Talked to movie fans

And told them all about the

Cinemafia.

12:00PM

Went to the diner

And discussed my health care plan

“An Apple A Day.”

1:00PM

Went to hardware store

Rebuilding America

One nail at a time.

2:00PM

The Supermarket

Prices are so expensive

Shoplifting’s still free.

3:00PM

Walked the dog again

He did his business outside

Not on the carpet.

4:00PM

On-air interview

Canceled at the last minute.

One less thing to do.

5:00PM

Went to grab a beer

The bottles were all empty

From hearty breakfast.

6:00PM

“Family Guy”‘s on

I can’t watch them Sunday nights

Sunday Night Football.

7:00PM

Time to make dinner

Still have turkey leftover

From Thanksgiving night.

8:00PM

Talking to masses

Can be very difficult

With glitches abound.

9:00PM

Fixing the glitches

But the masses had all left

Will try again soon.

10:00PM

Enough of this day

Tomorrow will be better

Now I’m off to bed.

December 1, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, cinemafia, health care, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Two Dollar Gasoline

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann said that gas wold be lowered to $2/gallon if she was elected.  I doubt I could make a pledge like that.  It sounds too much like she is buying votes.  I can’t promise $2 gasoline, but I have a plan to lower the price of movies and concessions at movie theaters.

September 7, 2011 Posted by | campaign, humor, Reagan Library Debate | , , | 2 Comments

Special Report – The High Cost of Entertainment

Many people watch the Super Bowl for the game.  For those who missed it, the New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts 31-17.  Some people don’t watch it for the game, but for the commercials.  The price to buy a 30-second ad for this Super Bowl was $2,500,000.

The Cinemafia dropped $20,000,000 dollars on ads during the Super Bowl.  This amounts to 2,051,282 movie tickets that have to be sold just to break even with the ads.  This does not include millions blown on production or paying high school students minimum wage to run the concession stands and the ticket booth.

The boycott starts this Friday with “The Wolfman”.  Picket the movies listed on their release dates.  Tell movie goers to hold out on going to movies until the prices become affordable again.  Otherwise the Cinemafia will blow more money to lure us to spend more money to watch more bad films.  Universal Studios added insult to injury by spending $2.5 million for a theme park based on a movie that is no longer showing in “Harry Potter”

Below is some information about the movies to boycott:

Half of the movies have yet to be rated.  A few movies are full of actors I have never heard of.  One of the movies doesn’t come out until the Fourth of July weekend.  Better versions of “The Wolfman”, “Alice in Wonderland”, and “Robin Hood” have already came out years ago, so why would I want to spend $9.75 for a movie that I already know how it’s going to end?

February 8, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, entertainment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Special Report – The High Cost of Entertainment

%d bloggers like this: