King Ahmnodt I

I have run into some difficulty in my latest attempt to run for President.  While people have shown overwhelming enthusiasm for my platform, there hasn’t been enough people.  While I continue to lead Presidential candidates in the quality of support, it hasn’t turned to the quantity of support (votes).

Another problem I am having is that 2016 is a long time away (By 2016, I really mean January 20, 2017 – the day I would take office).  It’s a short time to get a quality campaign capable of winning a nationwide election without spending a dime.  It’s an eternity for Obama to mess up things more than they already more and making it impossible for anybody (even me) to clean up all of his messes in only four years.

A true leader takes matters into his own hands.  This is why I have declared myself “King of the United States of America”.  I am not going to be a power-hungry king.  The only immediate action I am taking as King is to have Canadian Spy Justin Bieber deported to Canada where he belongs.

Some of you might remember that I have been a harsh critic of royalty in recent years.  Below is a video of a tweet I had tweeted that was read on WPIX in New York:

It seems that America is hungry for a King.  The news and social networks have been talking about nothing but the birth of a royal baby all day.  This royal baby born today isn’t even American royalty.  We need American royalty to help fix this country.  I am honored to have selected myself to be the first American King.

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My Take on Recent News Events

It is important for Presidential candidates to stay informed in what is happening in the news.  It is equally important to interpret the news and to come up with a plan of action.

News:  Prince William is engaged to Kate Middleton.

Interpretation:  I thought we claimed independence from England.  I don’t know why this is news in the United States.

Action:  I will not watch the wedding.  Instead, I will celebrate my perpetual singleness by throwing a party celebrating my singleness.

 

News: Groups plan on boycott new screening procedures at airports.

Interpretation:  Good for them!  I fly often during my campaign and often go through screenings.  I don’t want to go through a full-body scanner for the jollies of some perverted security guard.  I also don’t want to be groped or fondled by anybody of my gender.

Action:  I won’t fly.  If I go to Europe, I will drive to Montreal and fly out of Duval Airport.  They maintain a high level of security without nudie pics and groping.

 

News:  President Obama will soon leave for Europe after coming back from a trip to Asia.

Interpretation: President Obama is in a no-win situation.  When he’s in Washington, he’s accused of doing too much.  When he’s abroad, he’s accused of not doing anything.  This means when he is here, he is doing the wrong things and America is better off when he is in other countries.

Action:  Bring this point up when campaigning.  If America is better off when Obama is abroad, we will be better off when he is out of office.  This is why it is important to elect me in 2012.  Not only am I not Barack Obama, I’m not even in his (or any other) party.

 

Watching the news is not enough.  A presidential candidate also has to interpret the news as well as take a course of action. I hope the examples above help you in understanding that I think presidentially and am worthy of your vote.