Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

We Must Continue!

My opponents are doing whatever it takes to make sure I am not elected President in 2012.  The latest blow came when long-time supporter Tom DeLay was sentenced to three years in prison for breaking a law that doesn’t exist.  They can’t arrest all of us!  There are too many of us to arrest (especially on laws that do not exist!)

If you find yourself in this predicament, let me know.  The campaign and fellow supporters will make sure that people who try to arrest you on charges that do not exist are arrested for harassment (a crime that does exist.)

Below are a few non-existent laws they might try to pin one of my supporters with:

  • Felony Jaywalking – Jaywalking is an infraction, not a crime.  Even if done with other crimes, it is but an infraction and jail time cannot be served solely for jaywalking.
  • Tearing off a mattress tag – Opponents might tell authorities that you tore off a tag from a mattress and they will try to get the police to inspect your mattress without a subpoena. Know your rights.   Make sure the police have a subpoena and don’t let them in without one.
  • Farting – Flatulence is not a crime, but they might trump up charges saying that you are using a biological weapon.
  • Not Farting – If you do not fart, they might accuse you with storing a biological weapon.

We must be vigilant.  We must be persistent.  We must fight the good fight and stand together and not allow our opponents to intimidate us in any way!

 

January 14, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, postaday2011, satire | , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Ram Venkatararam Case

Recent Picture of Ram Venkatararam

It has been a year since Ram Venkatararam was falsely imprisoned on kidnapping charges.  The District Attorney claimed that Ram kidnapped his former employee John-Sam from a Hare Krishna compound. Below are a few facts that the court refused to hear that prove Ram Venkatararam’s innocence.

  • John-Sam never returned to the Krishna Compound. – Kidnap victims are always returned to the place from which they are kidnapped.
  • Both John-Sam and Doris (Ram’s ex-girlfriend who used to drive the Snapple truck) have been missing since Ram’s trial.  By missing, I don’t mean “kidnapped”, I mean “hiding.”  I am not sure John-Sam is with Doris by free will.
  • Ram was an outstanding citizen! –  He kept people from loitering the streets by having them loiter in the snack aisle of his store.
  • Harassment by officials was nothing new to Ram – Local officials had often tormented him with archaic rules like keeping milk refrigerated, not allowing smoking in the produce aisle, and mopping the floors.

I had gone to the local District Attorney’s office in the past by myself.  I was always turned away.  I will attempt to go again on Monday at 10:00AM, but I will need help.  Anybody interested in freeing Ram should met me in front of the old Food Here Convenience Store at 9:45 AM.

March 10, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sometimes Doing Your Best Is Not Enough

I write with deep sadness that Ram Venkatararam was sentenced to 25 years in prison for what I believe is a bogus kidnapping charge.  Ram was not allowed to present my theory to the court and now he is spending his evenings romancing Bubba.

I have tried to help Ram.  I have offered my testimony.  I wrote a letter to the District Attorney disproving that Ram kidnapped John-Sam.  I took the judge and his staff out for dinner.  None of these traditional methods worked.

There are a few things we can do.  One thing we can do is plead for an appeal.  We can also ask President Obama to pardon Ram. We can find a baker who knows how to bake cakes and hide files.  We can all mail Ram a card to keep his spirits up.

Moral of the story:  Just because you have sucked at what you have been doing doesn’t mean you should give up.  Don’t give up until you have ran out of options.

May 3, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, editorial, issues | , , , , | Comments Off on Sometimes Doing Your Best Is Not Enough

   

%d bloggers like this: