Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Just Some Things

I have to make a few things clear.  I like helping out my supporters when I can.  However; there are things that I cannot or will not do:

  • To the high school senior girls and boy who asked me to be their date for their prom:  I am deeply flattered, but I am afraid I am unable to attend any proms as a date.  The truth is that I am old enough to be your father and would feel creepy having my way with someone half my age after the prom.  I would be honored to be a guest at your graduation party.
  • I am uncomfortable at weddings:  This does not mean I will not attend your wedding if I am honored enough to be invited.  It means that I feel for any man who is about to get shackled into marriage.  Shackles bother me.  I would be honored to be invited to a bachelor party.  I will not talk you out of your marriage.  What you do in your bedroom is none of my business.  As a patron of several nudie bars, I can help you get a discount for your party.

There are also things that I can and (schedule permitting), will do:

  • I would be honored to attend a baptism:  I can even attend a baby’s baptism now that I know that it’s shake hands and kiss babies, not the other way around.  
  • Speak at your club or organization*:  While I would prefer that it has something to do with a subject that would allow me to incorporate why I am the best candidate for president, it is not a prerequisite in order for me to speak.  (* – I refuse to speak at movie clubs as I continue to boycott the Cinemafia’s motion picture industry.)

If you meet the criteria and wish for me to attend any of your events, please send me an e-mail at ahmnodtheare@politician.com or I can be reached at (507)-AHMNODT.

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April 9, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Just Some Things

Me vs Them – Education

The more money we throw at education, the less our children are learning.  It’s not the lack of money that is killing the education.  It’s what being taught (or more specifically, what’s not being taught that is killing education.)

The Republicans and Democrats have their plans to try to improve education.  Both involve money:

Republican candidates:  They want to use vouchers.  The vouchers would be used to send children to the schools of parents’ choice.  I have yet to hear how this would cut spending though.  Some Republicans are also advocates of homeschooling.  Here is my problem with homeschooling:  Where do you hold the prom? The living room?  The dining room?  And also, how would “Senior Cut Day” work?  It is a time-honored tradition.

Democratic candidates (Obama):  He wants the rich to pay their “fair share” (whatever that means.)  Most rich people pay more taxes than you or I do already.  Critics say that they can afford to pay more taxes, but if you could afford to pay $20 for a loaf for bread when the going price is $2.49, would you pay it?  Should you pay it?

Because the more money we spend on education the dumber out children are getting, I would cut education spending.  (I would abolish it, but I don’t want the kids to be that much smarter than us.)

I would find out what our children need to suceed in life and teach that and only that.  I would get rid of many of the rules that handcuff teachers.  When we let out teachers teach, then maybe our students will learn.

This post is part of the “Me vs. Them” series.  Come back often to see the entire series.

May 27, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, education, humor, Obama, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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