Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Birth Control Pills

I am going to spend more time writing how unqualified I am to comment on birth control pills than I am on birth control pills.  The reason is simple:  I don’t need them and I don’t envision my ever needing them.  Who should or shouldn’t use them should be left to women as they have the most at stake.

Rush Limbaugh recently called Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.”  One thing I have noticed is men who call women names like “slut” aren’t getting any from those women, so technically, they can’t confirm.

He later went to say that if we were going to pay for women’s birth control pills then women should work for that money by showing sex videos. Based on that logic, we should send him videos of men having gay sex after taking taxpayer-funded Viagra.  Taking sex out of his logic, it’s like the CIA broadcasting their covert meetings on the internet because we pay for the CIA with tax dollars and with drug money.

Ladies, feel free to send me your sex videos.  I will not ask if you are using birth control pills because it is none of my business.

March 3, 2012 Posted by | commentary, editorial, health care, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Enter the Newtered One

Some people just don’t get it.  Newt Gingrich is one of these people.  Just because Bob who goes to the diner in town thinks he would be a good president doesn’t mean that Bob is an average American.

Gingrich thinks that he will be president because he thinks the average American has a ton of unresolved issues at home and has to go to the diner every morning for breakfast to get away from the family.  I didn’t need someone like Bob to validate my candidacy.  I ran because there are a lot of people like me who don’t like the job Republicans and Democrats have done for the last 81 3/4 years.

It took a lot of people in all walks of life (with the possible exception of clergy) to convince me to run for president.  These people include:

  • The chronically unemployed – They couldn’t find sustainable work with Democrats or Republicans in Washington.  They figure why not give me a chance.
  • Prostitutes and Drug Dealers – They want someone who has a true appreciation for small business.
  • Teachers – They want to teach things that children will actually need in their adult lives.
  • Comedians – They say I give them the best material.  I don’t know what they mean by that, but I am glad to give inspiration.

The key to winning an election is to get the support from as many walks of life as possible.  Newt Gingrich may have the vote of the diner regular with the poor home life, but that is a very small segment of America.

May 9, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | 6 Comments


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