Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

I QUIT!

Much to the chagrin of my Little League coach, I quit something.  As of Tuesday, I became an ex-smoker.  i quit smoking even though winners never quit.

It has been difficult.  I have gained seven pounds so far.  This means I will be swimming a few extra laps in the Jacuzzias well as spending at least five minutes on the treadmill at the gym.   I may even double the weights I use for weightlifting to 20 pounds.

I still have the urges to light up at certain times of the day.  I want to smoke when I wake up, when I drive (especially here in New Jersey – there is a reason why auto insurance is higher in New Jersey than in any other state – people here don’t know how to drive!)  I also want to smoke when writing blog entries.  (This is why I haven’t written in a few days.)

Quitting smoking does have its benefits.  I have a few extra dollars I can spend at the nudie bar.  Breathing has become easier.  My sense of smell has improved.  (This is a bit of a negative at the gym when people are sweating like pigs.)

I am going to have to find a way to be able to write without being overwhelmed by the urge to smoke.  Masturbation eases the urge, but makes it harder to type.  Hopefully as I go longer without smoking, I’ll be able to write on a regular basis.

 

May 4, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Winners Never Quit!

My high school baseball coach said something to me the day I quit the team. He said, “You weren’t going to make the team anyway.” I came home and my father was mad at me.
“Winners never quit!” he often said. “Hank Aaron didn’t quit. John Riggins didn’t quit. Bob Marriwand quit.” My father would tell me that Bob had more talent than anybody he had ever known, but quit because he didn’t like it when things got a little tough.
I have learned not to quit because I am a winner. I won’t quit predicting NFL games. I won’t quit smoking, and I won’t quit running for President. America hates quitters!

November 8, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Look at my Platform – Race Relations

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on race relations.

Whoever crosses the finish line first wins. Everybody else loses.This is my view on race relations.

Quitters never win.  I mentioned this on my position on smoking. People seem to be hung up on race, so I practice wind sprints every day.  This approach is fine for short races.  The race for the Presidency is a marathon and has required me to use different training strategies.

To prove my point, people don’t talk about John McCain or me too often any more.  We both lost in 2008 and are considered irrelevant in the eyes of the media and most Americans.  All of the attention is on Barack Obama.  Sure, the media asks John McCain where he thinks President Obama went wrong (and they would ask me if they knew who I am), but only as a painful reminder that Barack Obama is our president.

It is still 3 1/2 years until the Presidential Election.  There will be a lot of positioning for the race for the President.  I am currently in good position by starting my campaign now and getting my name out to the public now.  It is a long race and I race best when I am in front.  I will be ready for President Obama and whoever the Republicans spew at us.  I welcome the challenge.

May 23, 2009 Posted by | campaign, commentary, editorial, election, Obama, Platform, politics, satire | , , , , | Comments Off on A Look at my Platform – Race Relations

A Look at my Platform – Smoking

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on smoking.

I would have quit smoking, but quitters never win.

Remember that quitters never win. My father told me that. My little league coach told me that. My probation officer told me that. So it must be true.

What exactly do you win by quitting smoking? You might have a few dollars in your pocket and you might breathe easier, but what about the downside? You will be mean and crabby when you want a cigarette. You will soon lose all of your friends. Where are you without your friends?

Don’t quit. Because winners never quit and quitters never win.

May 20, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, issues, Platform, satire | , , | 2 Comments

   

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