You Should Have Voted For Me

Benghazi. IRS. Fast and Furious.  These are just a few scandals currently swirling around President Obama and his administration.  Mitt Romney is living a private life.  This makes it hard to find out what scandalous plans he has cooked up.  2008 Republican candidate John McCain was in Syria to give support to Al-Qaeda  Syrian rebels after showing support to Al-Qaeda rebels during the Libyan uprising.

Unlike the candidates from the other parties, my scandals did not kill innocent lives.  They didn’t even kill guilty lives.  My scandals were limited to being hooked on phonics, my inability to find a Constitutionally eligible running mate in 2008, and buying pot brownies.

People tend to vote for glitz over substance.  They think it’s more important that a president is tall than is able to properly use “your” and “you’re” in a sentence.  They’d rather vote for someone with a twinkle in their eye than for someone with a tinkle on the toilet seat.  They would rather vote for a buffoon who looks astute than for a genius who looks mentally challenged.

Remember this blog entry when you vote in 2016.  Before you vote for that stud or hottie, remember that their scandals can kill.  I would suggest that you vote for me.  My scandals are safer,

 

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Wasted Trip

It was bad enough I passed Dixville Notch and ended up in a Canadian jail.  I had problems when I finally arrived at Dixville Notch.  Any popularity I could have had was vanished when I tried to unload the CDs and DVDs that the Chartierville police gave me.  It seems that I am not the only person who thinks that William Shatner and Celine Dion are Canadian spies.  It then dawned on me that I created a web of hypocrisy.  I was trying to pass them off as entertainers, even as I continually have said they are spies.

I apologized to the fine people of Dixville Notch for my atrocities, but the damage has been done.  They now think I am a conduit for Canadian spies infiltrating our country and it’s my own fault.  I tried to get a rally going to burn the CDs and DVDs, but there are open fire laws and could have gotten in more trouble.

I figured I could find some rebellious people on a college campus.  I drove to Dartmouth College and searched for some rebels.  A few guys standing by a tree smoking cigarettes.  They were more than willing to help me burn the stuff.  It took a while to get a good fire going, but the CDs and DVDs were soon tossed in.  We hung around by the fire for a while until some college hotties walked by.  The guys walked off with the hotties, leaving me to put out the fire by myself.  One good thing about New Hampshire is that there is plenty of snow around to put out a fire.

I will return to Dixville Notch someday.  Hopefully, the locals would have forgotten who I am and especially what I tried to do there.