Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

One More Debate

If there is anything worse than the lack of quality Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates, it’s the lack of quality in Presidential debate moderators.  Tomorrow is another chance to be proven wrong.  There will be a debate on CNN tomorrow night at 8:00PM Eastern.  Once again, I will be taking my ever-sharpened debating skills to Twitter.  I don’t know why candidates have so many problems keeping their answers under one minute when I can keep my answers under 140 characters with hashtags added for effect.

I do not know who will be asking the questions on CNN, but here is a guideline they can use to look competent:

  • Know the issues that affect the voters – People don’t want to know how many wives Newt Gingrich has had or how much money Ahmnodt Heare pays for a lap dance.  They want the important issues:  Jobs, the economy, and affordable entertainment.
  • Realize that Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are not the only candidates on the stage.  Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are there too.  I doubt they are taking time out of their busy schedules to go watch Mitt and Newt debate.
  • Know something about the candidates on stage and use questions accordingly.  If you’re going to ask the business man questions about economics, wouldn’t it make sense to ask the OB/GYN questions about health care?  If I was debating, I would expect this former movie theater manager to be included in discussions about affordable entertainment.

If tomorrow night’s debate becomes yet another “Mitt and Newt Show” with a bunch of subjects that have nothing to do with running a country, I will take steps in getting people to boycott Time-Warner (CNN’s parent company).  This includes Time, Warner Brothers (whom I’m already boycotting – damned Cinemafiosos), and Time-Warner Cable.

I anticipate that CNN will remember what professional journalism is all about tomorrow night when they host the debate.  And that they will remember to include Buddy Roemer, Vermin Supreme, and Ahmnodt Heare in future debates so that Americans will have more choices (including a few that don’t suck.)

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January 25, 2012 Posted by | commentary, debate, editorial, humor, issues, media, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on One More Debate

Defining “Ahmnodt” (Play Along at Home)

The running joke these days is telling somebody to Google “Santorum.”  The first unsponsored link is from a website called “SpreadingSantorum.Org”.  They define the term “Santorum” as such:

Santorum 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum.

I was thinking that before the Cinemafia does a similar thing with my name, we can pool our noodles together and come up with a clever definition for “ahmnodt”.    It doesn’t have to be flattering, but it shouldn’t be as tasteless as how “Santorum” is defined.  (Especially since “Ahmnodt” is my name and I don’t want to go spend the money in the courts to change it.

This post will be a sticky until I return from my campaign trip a week from Monday.  Feel free to place your definition in the “comments” section.  I’ll figure out a plan on what to do with the definitions when I return.

There will be daily summaries of my campaign events every day.  I might even add a definition or two to consider.  Keep the ideas coming!

January 6, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , | 5 Comments

2012 (You Heard It Here First)

2012 will be a worse year than 2011 for many people.  It can be a great year for you if you have a little insight.  I shall try my best to provide that impact.  I know who will win the general election in 2012, but will not post it because I still want you to go vote (for me) on Election Day.

Unemployment will rise again in 2012.  Now is a good time to start planning a self-proprietorship.  I am the only candidate with a viable jobs program, but even my plan will take some time before the unemployed will reap the benefits of having a job.

Crime will increase.  This is not because we are becoming bad people, but because almost everything will be a crime.  In fact, you no longer have to be charged with a crime to be detained.  You could someday be arrested for reading this blog.  (Don’t worry, I will pardon you for reading this blog once I take office.)

Super Bowl XLVI – If you ignore my predictions throughout the year on my other blog as well as the 2011 season predictions, then you are for the most part better off.  I will stand by my prediction of a Detroit Lions – Baltimore Ravens Super Bowl.

More evidence will surface of the claims I have made against the Cinemafia and Canadian spy Justin Bieber.  The campaign teams of the candidates for president will scour through this blog for ideas to boost their campaign chances.  (And I will expose them for the copycats that they are.)

This has nothing to do with predictions, but I need a place to say this.  Gooogling “Ahmnodt” isn’t nearly as offensive as Googling “Santorum.” That, and I am less offensive than him as well.

Have a happy, safe, prosperous, (insert perky adjective here) New Year!

January 4, 2012 Posted by | commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on 2012 (You Heard It Here First)

Observation #gopdebate

Rick Santorum is concern about freedom for gays in Iran.  So we should go to war with them.  Good thing he doesn’t think gays in America should have the right to marry or he’d be bombing us too.

August 11, 2011 Posted by | debate, Iowa GOP | , , , | Comments Off on Observation #gopdebate

A Bad Week to Rehab

I couldn’t have picked a worse week to relapse.  So much has happened in politics  that I wanted to comment on and/or clarify.  My commenting on the computer during the last week was limited to a few tweets and an occasional “hello” on Facebook.

The fine people at the rehab are allowing me resume blogging under their watch.  The guns pointed at me are no longer at point-blank range, so I feel at ease.  The Wapp-Burney Rehabilitation wanted me to tell you that none of the allegations against them are true.  They also wanted to remain anonymous.  I told them I would.

Why is Rudy Giuliani running for President?  He has about as much chance of winning as the sun setting in the east.  At least he could beat Rick Santorum.  The former senator from Pennsylvania moved to Virginia while representing Pennsylvanians.  Where will he move to if he becomes President?  Herman Cain is going to have a hard time winning primaries in the northeast, where real pizza is made.  Gary Johnson has some good ideas, but the news networks don’t want to hear good ideas, so chances are Gary Johnson and I will not be invited to debates any time soon.  The Newtered One sounded more like a social studies teacher than a presidential candidate.  Besides, it’s hard to win an election when your campaign team supports Tim Pawlenty.

Four Republicans have a realistic shot of winning their party’s nomination.  Mitt Romney can win if America forgets about RomneyCare.  Tim Pawlenty can win if America remembers RomneyCare.  Congresswoman Michele Bachmann can win if the Tea Party cartel expands.  Ron Paul can win if the vote counts are not tampered.

I have written enough for today.  It’s time for my dephonicication session.

June 20, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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