Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Why I Can Never Be Pope

With a new Pope recently being elected, many people were wondering why I didn’t run for Pope.  There are many reasons.  Below are just a few reasons:

  • I’d have to live in Vatican City. –  Don’t get me wrong:  The Vatican would be a beautiful place to live.  The problem is that neither the Capitals, Redskins, nor Nationals play any games in Italy.  
  • I have a daughter. – I would have to fly to the United States every other weekend for my custody visits.  I am not too sure the College of Cardinals would be too thrilled with my daughter sleeping over or having slumber parties at the Vatican.
  • I’d have to remain chaste. – Not happening.
  • The Latin I speak is not the same as the Latin spoken in the Vatican.  I am not sure if they would understand, “Ourway atherfay owhay artway inway eavenhay…” as the beginning of the Lord’s Prayer.
  • The College of Cardinals would probably be upset if they found out I bet $20 on the Electoral College to beat them in the Tipoff Classic.
  • I don’t like wearing robes.  I’ll wear the beanie if I have to, but the only robe I wear is a bathrobe whilst sitting by the fireplace and enjoying a cognac or five.
  • I am not Catholic. – This might be the biggest hurdle of all.  Going without meat on Fridays scares me sometimes.

I would like to thank people who wanted me to be a pope.  Please don’t consider me for pope though as I don’t think it would be a good idea for either myself or the Catholic Church.

March 22, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, election, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

A Couple of Differences

I am still at the Ashram and will be here for another week.  Finding time to sneak off the commune and blog is difficult.  I am getting used to being here, but there are a few differences.

  • The people here like Deepak Chopra.  I like a Six-Pack while watching Oprah.
  • While we both hate the Cinemafia, they hate all movies (though a few people like “Bollywood” movies, whatever that is.)
  • I do not find yoga to be relaxing.  I have a difficult time getting from one position to another.  I often find myself in the fetal position after the yoga class.
  • I have a hard time putting on a robe.  I have a harder time taking off my robe.  I find it almost impossible to take a robe off a woman here.
  • They eat blackberries.  I talk and text on a Blackberry.

They are pretty nice people (except for the guards with the guns.)  I enjoy the reciting of the sayings of Yogi Berra.  Yesterday’s saying was “If you don’t know where you are going, you might not get there.”  Yogi Berra is an enlightened man.

June 27, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign | , , , , , , | 2 Comments


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