2011 – The Debacle (April-June)

“Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom”

April was the month when I discovered that President Obama was a member of the Cinemafia and had no shame about it.   The Cinemafia was also active in censoring me from the mainstream media after this tweet of mine managed to slip into the airwaves:

May started the long string of debates I wasn’t invited to.  I did a tale of the tape comparing my policies to the Republican candidates and President Obama.  I discussed in detailed the death of traditional news as we know it.  The month invaded with Canada invading Atlanta again and stealing their hockey franchise.

June was a horrible month for me as I was unable to campaign much due to various injuries (hamstring, concussion, broken fingernail, etc.)  At least we don’t have to worry about Anthony Weiner or Rod Blagojevich in politics for a while.

 

Advertisement

Commentary on Recent Political Events

A lot has gone on in the political world in recent weeks.  I’ll explain in a minute, but I have to apologize for a tweet I posted today.

“If you are a Democrat or a Republican, you are mentally incompetent.”

I apologize for those who are mentally incompetent for comparing them to Republicans and Democrats.  It was in poor taste and I will use better judgement in my future tweets unless I am drunk.

Presidential candidate Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was offended when Fox News anchor Chris Wallace asked her if she was a flake.  It was discovered later that Congressman Jeff Flake was offended if he was a Bachmann.

Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman announced he was running for President as did former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty.  Here is advice for those planning to run for President in the future:  If you are going to run for president, do so before the first poll.  Once the polls start coming out.  if you aren’t leading, there’s no point in running.  It’s hard enough to catch up when you’ve been running since the beginning.  I have been running since the day after the 2008 election.  I am speaking from experience.

Gay marriage was passed in New York State.  I support this.

Anthony Weiner resigned after lying about his weiner.  He’ll be back in politics.  He lives in New York,  where people tend to be forgiving of politicians who wander to the dark side. (Especially if he or she is a Democrat.)

Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of 17 of 18 charges.  He could be spending the next 250 years in prison.  I am guessing he will be the happiest person in the world in 2361.

There are 16 1/2 months until Election Day 2012.  I am not being mentioned yet, but I will be soon.  I will be sending another press release to the news networks challenging President Obama to a series of debates.  He should take me up on the challenge and explain his actions to the American people.

Hair We Go

Following her Tuesday night primary win, Republican Senator candidate Carly Fiorina was being interviewed about her campaign.  She wasn’t aware that the microphone was on.  She made a snide remark about one of her opponents, Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer.

Below is the battle of the hair:

Barbara Boxer

Carly Fiorina

Advice for Carly Fiorina (And Barbara Boxer should she decide to retaliate): In the everyday world, hairstyle is a woman’s thing. However; in the world of politics, hair is a man’s thing. Below are some examples:

Rod Blagojevich

John Edwards

Jim Traficant

Ahmnodt Heare

Having an obsession does pay a toll for male politicians. All of the male politicians pictured above have had their legal problems. Male politicians also pay more to maintain their hair than women do. Former Senator John Edwards once paid $800 for a haircut.

Americans want to hear more about the issues and less about the hair.  Once politicians understand this, they will become more popular than root canal without Novocaine.

The Head Man Or

I have stumbled among an amazing discovery.  It turns out that leadership is in my name.  If you rearrange the letters in “Ahmnodt Heare”, you end up with “The Head Man Or”.  “The Head Man” is none other than President of the United States.  On the other hand, if you rearrange the letters in “Barack Hussein Obama”, you end up with something that includes “Hussie Bar”.  While hussie bars have nothing to do with leadership, it explains why President Obama is popular with the ladies.

Speaking of stumbling, I came across a rare picture of the Beatles with five members.

The rare "Five Beatles" Photo: George, John, Rod, Ringo, Paul

Marketing Mistakes

Although I have been involved in marketing for a few years, I still make mistakes. I am fortunate that I have limited my marketing failures to myself and I have caused no damage to my clients. Below are a few of my marketing blunders:

• The Ahmnodt Heare Commemorative Two-Headed Coin:  This was suggested by a female supporter who thought I was handsome.  I took her idea and ran with it.  Even she declined to buy a coin.
• The Ahmnodt Heare Salt Shaker:  Salt residue on top of the cap made it look like I had dandruff.  This was a turn-off and people lost their appetites.
• The Ahmnodt Heare Commemorative Inauguration DVD: (Narrated by Paul Reubens)  This was an epic fail on all counts.  Once it was determined that Barack Obama beat me in the election, Mr. Reubens decided not to narrate it.  I ended up with an unmanned camera facing President Obama.  The camera was knocked around and ended up facing a port-a-john.
• The Ahmnodt Heare Coloring Book:   I will never have coloring books printed in China again.  Not only was my last name spelled wrong (Haere), but some of the pictures had a bulge in the pants and the coloring book became inappropriate for children.

There were other things that went wrong, but they were mostly minor.  The Ahmnodt Heare wig was set to be a big seller until the Rod Blagojevich wig came out.  That was more unforeseen timing than bad strategy.

I have learned a few things from my mistakes.  The first is to find a coloring book artist who isn’t horny.  I also learned not to set up marketing merchandise for an inauguration until I win the election.

The Illinois Senate Prefers The Way I Treat Seniors

I will take Rod Blagojevich at his word.  I will assume his innocence.   I believe Blagojevich when he said he was impeached for helping seniors.  Here is my take on the situation:

Rod Balgojevich circumvented the Illinois House and Senate in making drugs affordable for seniors.  He got those drugs from Canada.  The House and Senate were mad (as was I) that he was able to get drugs from Canada, but was unable to deport Canadians posed as “entertainers.”

I am sure the Illinois legislature would have been behind my “Affordable Food for Seniors” plan.  They might have been supportive of Blagojevich’s drug plan if it meant that Celine Dion would limit her concerts to the Holiday Inn lounges in Nova Scotia.

Almost a Senator

I almost became a U.S. Senator representing Illinois.  I did not have the money to pay Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich for the job.  I thought that $100 would have been enough, but it wasn’t.  He wanted more money, and I was going to take out a loan to buy the position, but the federal authorities stepped in and ruined my chance to be a Senator.

I do not know why the authorities fear me so much.  Whether it is the federal or local authorities, people seem to go out of their way to make sure I don’t hold office.  I doubt they are Canadian, since they work for our government.  The only logical explanation is that the Cinemafia has infiltrated our government and is willing to do the same thing to our country as they have done to their industry.

Things like this happen when I am not elected President.  I hope you have learned your lesson.