Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Walk-a-Thon Update and Adjustments

The Walk-a-Thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness will begin in a little over three months.  It starts in Atlantic City on October 9 and will end in San Diego on April 4, 2011.  Most of the nights I will be sleeping in a tent with my inflatable mattress.  One noticeable exception will be on November 2.  I will be in Pittsburgh at a soon-to-be-determined hotel for “Orgies for Abstinence III.”

I am having a custom designed cart built to carry the stuff I will need.  It is like a regular shopping cart, except with tires durable enough for almost 3,000 miles of travel and the ability to push it through snow.  It will also have a shelf that pulls out so I can continue working while I am in this walk-a-thon.  (Six months without working is too long.)  A hand brake is being installed so I can stop it and not worry about the cart rolling up and down mountains.

Below is a partial list of cities I will be stopping at along the way:

Philadelphia

Pittsburgh

Columbus

Indianapolis

St. Louis

Wichita

Guymon, OK

Albuquerque

Phoenix

Yuma

San Diego

Honolulu (Time Permitting)

If you are near the walking route and you would like for me to pass through your town, then feel free to send an e-mail by July 31.  I want to have the route finalized and more details as to when I will be on any given day soon after.

July 5, 2010 Posted by | campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Food Shopping Agony

It is a good thing I did not have Patricia this weekend.  She would have seen a side of her father that I do not like showing.  Unfortunately, I tend to show this side often when I go food shopping.

I don’t know if it’s something in the music the supermarkets play over their loud speakers or if there is something in the air, but the moment people walk through those automated doors and into the store, they become retarded.  Sometimes this includes the staff.

I don’t understand where people think they can get off with walking with a shopping cart down the middle of the aisle.  Then there’s the person who cuts in front of your cart, stops, grabs a box of Pop-Tarts, walks, realizes he grabbed the wrong box, stops, and exchanges the Pop-Tarts.

Then there are those annoying store displays in the aisles.  Supermarkets sell enough stuff and have enough space to sell their stuff that they don’t have to set up displays in aisles.

If I am elected President, I will push for legislation making sure nobody goes through this type of shopping experience again.  I will mandate that shoppers get a cart-pushing license before using one in a store.  This includes safe operating procedures and learning the rules of the aisle.  There will also be a simple math quiz to make sure shoppers with 27 items are not in the “Ten Items or Less” register.

These simple steps will ensure a pleasant shopping experience for everybody.  A little common courtesy can go a long way, but only in unobstructed aisles.

August 22, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, satire | , , , , | 7 Comments

   

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